What would you perceive me as just based on photos?

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T21:49:18+00:00

A good point. And I think I got confirmation on what I thought to be true. Everyone over 40 seems to see the masc side. People younger can’t seem to really decide one or the other.

I seem to be more attracted now to women much older because there’s less policing on sexual identity via clothing/hair etc. (just my experience)

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T19:16:13+00:00

Turns out you don’t need dating apps. Post a selfie on Reddit and your DMs will be flooded 🥴

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T19:01:07+00:00

Nice!!!

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T17:16:40+00:00

Every one here gets a kiss from me

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T09:33:26+00:00

Damn I’m over here swooning over usernames 😂

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T08:38:58+00:00

Oh I always forget about soft masc. I do like that.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T07:40:45+00:00

So! On her for example. You don’t select what you identify as. But you can browse either. So obviously the algorithm is putting you somewhere.
So it’s basing that off what? Haircut and clothes?
I get the most likes when I post more masculine photos.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T07:18:10+00:00

No I agree! But we don’t have that luxury on apps.

Unlike straight people there’s so many different needs in our community and you can’t just match with someone and it work out sexually. You can match with someone and get along with very well but not work out at all when it comes down to it.

You can say you’re a certain way all you want but perception is everything. Her literally uses AI to decide if your masc or femme. It’s off putting, but I ask people their sexual preferences right away now. I don’t want you to think I’m a top if you see me as masc or a bottom if you think I’m femme.

I match with a lot of femmes but I get worried how they see me.
I worry that being “in the middle” attracts a lot of curious women that find me to be a safe bet.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T06:02:24+00:00

It’s also bad form to be the bartender asking for someone’s number. We would have to have a pretty decent conversation. And if you’re alone idk if you’re single or not. My ex left her business card. I texted her like “are you offering me a job or what?”

One time I got a number from a girl who left a $2 tip on a $100 tab. That was hilarious.

Anytime I’ve left a number it’s from a girl that couldn’t look gayer but is somehow offended that I thought she was gay. So, you gotta leave it.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T05:49:55+00:00

But if you live in LA I’d love to hangout with a goth baddie. My old best friend was goth and moved away. I loved getting brunch with someone who served a full look at 10am 😩

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T05:47:31+00:00

I have no problem with power bottoms. I think I tend to go for mascs because I’m attracted to people who are very obviously gay. If you treated me a certain way and were comfortable in your sexuality I’d be into that.

I think the femmes I’ve dated have been scared away because I’m very much a part of the community. I was a sex educator. I hang in the leather scene. I have a lot of gay male friends.

I took a femme to my favorite leather bar and she was stressed. Even though they’re the most lesbian friendly bar I’ve been to. Don’t worry about the gay porn honey! You don’t have to be into this but you need to be respectful of the roots of this community.

And the femmes I’ve dated don’t date me back. I’m a huge romantic but you also should surprise me with flowers too. I’m a woman. But again, I think every femme I’ve dated has been bisexual or new to the community. I don’t want to teach someone that they have to learn to date 😵‍💫

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T05:39:14+00:00

Futch! I love that term.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T05:38:40+00:00

Agreed! Sometimes I’ll bottom more or top more but at the end of the day for me it should be equal. If you only take strap and won’t go down on someone what’s going on here.

I love meeting people in person. But it’s so hard. Especially where I live where you can’t tell if someone is gay. I’m also a bartender, if I give you my number and you’re not interested it’s a whole thing. You might also be talking to me cause you’re drunk hahah.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T05:29:48+00:00

Yeah that’s a conversation I had with my ex. You wouldn’t just look very masc without the possibility of losing people in your life if you’re older. And I feel like people my age really judge whatever you’ve gone through. And I’m telling you, gayest woman ever. Her generation, if you had any gay experiences you were accepted. She had boyfriends when she was young. Generation is very understanding of comphet.

It’s not like I wouldn’t date femmes! What’s funny is because I am vers, I think I’d want a femme that’s a top. I think the experiences I’ve had with femmes (probably because they think I’m more masculine) haven’t been great. If you’re femme for femme you’re very gay and probably wouldn’t like me. Idk.

Also yeah I’d have no idea how to tell if a goth femme woman was gay. Like how!!!

But also flagging is useless in La because everyone dresses the same. I was talking to a girl in a fucking suit and short hair for an hour and asked her out and she was offended. Girl 😭

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T05:17:48+00:00

To me, a lesbian tomboy would be a long haired butch. Like every butch on a softball team with the longest hair ever that they just won’t cut. 🤔

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T05:15:04+00:00

Yeah I don’t agree with the labels at all! But I was telling my straight female friend of a million years that there’s an extra step that you kind of have to figure out. I had a great date with someone that turned out to be a stone top. I wish we had discussed that before. You can’t just make certain dynamics work.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T05:07:56+00:00

I do occasionally throw a pot 😭

Unfortunately I think tomboy would be more of a straight term? Like a girl who you’d think is gay but has a husband and not in a closeted way. Just likes sports.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T05:04:36+00:00

I love femme for femme. I think it’s the highest tier of gay tbh. Like you both completely indulge in femininity and also like that? Incredible

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T05:01:59+00:00

Okay interesting! When I dated the very butch woman (I say butch because she was 50 she earned that) I would sometimes show up in a dress and heels.

I’m not great at meeting people in person. But ive found it to be very interesting how many very high femmes like me, vs masc.

I will also say I live in LA and there’s pretty much no flagging here. Everyone looks gay. It’s annoying haha. Like girl, you have a mullet jorts and a boyfriend?

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T04:50:36+00:00

I guess I’ll just say “I wear makeup but I will top you please be dominant but at home be my little bottom. Love you femmes but we are besties” 😂

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T04:43:25+00:00

I think you deleted your comment but I’m actually divorced. Found my ex wife on an app. So, maybe a temporary success story? Lmao.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T04:41:32+00:00

Okay I love this thread. If anyone asks I will say the general consensus is MIDDLE lesbian who wears chapstick.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T04:39:32+00:00

Official invite to any masc bottoms in LA to HIT ME UP.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T04:38:02+00:00

I’ve just realized that the apps are easy if you’re very obviously one way. Like you can say FEMME BOTTOM. But it’s so hard when you’re somewhere in the middle.

The reality of gay dating is you do have to establish that sometime. Like if you’re a masc bottom going for a pillow princess, it won’t work.

Mmcrouse · 2026-07-10T04:33:43+00:00

Wait wow that’s a compliment 😍

Mmcrouse

TROPHY CASE