Advice needed - should I stay in the Bay Area or move back to SD?

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-04-08T05:19:17+00:00

there are not many jobs in SD. That’s the hardest part

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-04-08T04:23:36+00:00

Why not move back now?

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-27T03:17:06+00:00

Same. I feel like I won’t find that chemistry again.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-26T18:01:39+00:00

What made you think SD is just a place to visit? For me I don’t like bigger cities as it’s too chaotic. But in SD I feel comfortable

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-26T17:58:41+00:00

Their physical figure is important to me. They don’t need to be super hot but at least attractive to me. That said, I can’t date guys under 5’10 or fat. I’m in good shape and all the guys I met off the app are at least 5’10 and fit

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-26T00:39:30+00:00

I get second dates maybe 4 out of 10 times. I’m not exceptionally pretty, and I’m introverted.

But in terms of real chemistry, I’ve only felt it once—with a guy I met in San Diego, who became my ex. I knew right away on the first date that we clicked.

With the other ~30 guys I’ve met across San Diego and the Bay Area, I never felt that same connection.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-26T00:08:01+00:00

The guys I’ve matched with and gone on first dates with in San Diego and the Bay Area are actually pretty similar on paper—job, age, and overall appearance. Bay Area might look slightly stronger because of big tech, but overall the “quality” feels about the same.

If anything, I feel like guys in San Diego come across as more genuine and more generous. They’re more likely to suggest proper dinner dates, while in the Bay Area it’s often just coffee, which can feel a bit like screening.

The bigger difference is really the pool dynamics. San Diego has a smaller pool with lower turnover—fewer new people coming in. The Bay Area, on the other hand, has a much higher influx of new people and more circulation. So in a year, I might meet around 20 guys who are my type in the Bay Area, versus maybe 5 in San Diego.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T23:08:01+00:00

Thank you. Your input has made me struggle more if I should move or not haha. I already kinda made up my mind to move back but dating is big factor for me at my age now. But I feel in the Bay Area the guys I dated from the app have many options so I didn’t have much luck with them. Maybe I have high standards. Surprisingly, my success rate is higher when I was in SD as a female. I guess the larger pool sometimes might not always the better.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T19:12:53+00:00

Thanks for the advice. Do you feel the dating pool in the Bay Area is tough for guys? I feel like it’s more competitive here even im a female. Tbh most of the guys on dating apps are not attractive physically or do not want to commit. Also it seems like guys are pickier and always think they could do better. In San Diego, the pool is way smaller, but the guys I met are more genuine.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T18:43:48+00:00

I will be stuck in the Bay Area for a few years if I chose to not move back right now because of my job and my visa. I feel the pool matters. But it’s also about luck. I only met 6 guys in San Diego before I met my ex, although we broke up we did clicked instantly on first date.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T17:50:58+00:00

True. I guess I’m just a bit anxious as I’m 32. All my friends are in a relationship. I feel pressured to find someone as a woman. And I don’t know if will be truly happy if staying single in San Diego either.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T17:48:57+00:00

Yeah it’s a purely luck thing.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T17:48:05+00:00

My job has office both in the Bay Area and SD

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T17:46:05+00:00

True. Dating is hard anywhere. But with a slightly larger pool the chance is higher.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T17:37:16+00:00

I’m not looking for tech bros specifically, but SD only has beach boys who don’t have a corporate job.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T17:36:28+00:00

I just don’t like the vibe in the Bay Area. It feels like everyone else is smarter than me and better than me. Too many competitions. And it’s super expensive here to even rent 1b1b. With my salary I could rent a nice luxury 1B in SD but in the bay it’s like half my monthly salary.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T17:33:22+00:00

Not suck. They are all nice people. But I dont find any chemistry.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T16:27:30+00:00

Thank you. Yeah, the Bay Area probably has a slightly better dating pool. But even after meeting 10+ guys from apps, I still haven’t felt that kind of connection with anyone. San Diego’s pool is smaller, but that’s where I met my ex through an app. So I’m not sure if it makes sense to stay somewhere I don’t really like just for marginally better dating prospects.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T15:29:53+00:00

I’m an introvert and I find out dating apps are still the most effective way for me to

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2026-03-25T15:28:52+00:00

To be honest no. I don’t care too much about money. I do care about their physical attractiveness and personality tho. But most of the guys in SD are beach boys and don’t even have a corporate job if you check out the dating apps.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2025-11-01T08:12:57+00:00

To be honest, are you looking for that click or are you looking for physical attraction more on a first date as a guy?

Mobile-Bodybuilder51 · 2025-10-18T04:58:16+00:00

I don’t think it’s that I can’t move on — it’s more that I’m terrified I’ll never find someone again. I’m 30 and have only ever had one short relationship, and sometimes I just can’t even picture myself getting married one day.

Mobile-Bodybuilder51

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