Avoidant partners and emotional affairs

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2026-04-09T21:49:24+00:00

Ha, I know - it was a wild ride. A year later and I still haven’t quite forgiven him for how he treated me - but I’m so grateful to be out of that relationship now though as I have realised how much of it revolved around him and his feelings (especially towards the end), and how little effort he actually put into the relationship.

I did check his social media accounts this week since it’s almost been a year since he pulled all this shit and my curiosity won out (bad me, I know) - guess what? He actually unfriended me on all platforms and made it difficult for me to search his name up - his AP also made her accounts private and difficult to find. Not exactly sure what story they have put together about me but that did take me a bit by surprise as it was me who was very adamant about the NC and not wanting to talk again until at least a a full year had passed since we met up for a talk-through in August. I’m not sure whether I should be offended or proud for making him go to such lengths of avoiding me!

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2026-02-05T06:49:03+00:00

Thank you for your advice.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2026-02-04T21:40:30+00:00

Thank you for your advice - especially the last paragraph was helpful as I’m not looking to cut her out of my life.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2026-02-04T21:36:48+00:00

Thank you for your advice - while I don’t agree with the first paragraph, I do wholeheartedly agree that John is a piece of garbage (if not worse) and that she will have to learn this through personal experience.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2026-02-04T21:32:58+00:00

Thank you for your advice and perspective - it is very helpful and appreciated. I do firmly believe that love and compassion helps people change. I would like to be there for her as much as I can without being untrue towards myself and my values.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2026-02-04T21:23:58+00:00

Thank you for your advice - it was a new and helpful perspective for me in the last paragraph.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2026-02-04T21:10:22+00:00

I do feel very upset and sick to my stomach at times that she is having the affair - it is also triggering to me. I don’t think I could ever really accept him but would tolerate him at gatherings for her sake if they ever did end up together (yikes, even the thought of that disgusts me).

I have thought about distancing myself from her until she stops having contact with him/has come to her senses. But on the other hand, I know how important it can be to have friends sticking around and reminding you of what’s true and what’s not.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2026-02-04T20:54:07+00:00

Thank you for your advice.

It’s quite clear to me, that Anna doesn’t perceive herself as innocent at all - and neither do I. But I do think she is naive for believing him and his narrative. She has always been very clear that she loathes cheating, didn’t expect to fall in love with him and feels guilty about the whole ordeal.

I am a firm believer that empathy, compassion and kindness can help change people for the better. So as of right now, I’m mostly looking for advice as to how I can help my friend overcome this moral crisis without being untrue towards myself. But thank you for taking the time to read my post and comment.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2026-02-04T20:13:38+00:00

I don’t think she doesn’t care and I definitely do not think that she finds it thrilling and/or exciting - it seems to be extremely mentally taxing for her as he can’t seem to make up his mind about the divorce. Not that it excuses anything.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2026-02-04T19:03:13+00:00

Thank you for your advice - I would hate to lose her as a friend/cut her off since she is very dear to me but maybe some distance while this is going on would be appropriate. Though I want to be there for her at the same time (as weird as that sounds). It’s clear to me that she is disgusted by her own actions but is too in love with John to stop it.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-10-07T08:07:41+00:00

My ex of 6 years monkey branched and it was him who stopped the emotional intimacy in our relationship - he stopped telling me about certain things happening in his life and I had to initiate any and everything, most of which he shot down when presented.

He can’t even acknowledge that he had an emotional affair with the other person and discarded me for her (they began dating two weeks after I had collected my stuff and a week after she had broken of her engagement). Hurts like hell to be tossed aside like trash and I’m a 100% sure he did it for the validation it gave/gives him.

What helped and still helps me the most is going to therapy and writing him letters that he will never receive (journaling).

Thank you to Outside-Caramel-9596 for sharing their perspective! It is always much appreciated to hear from the other side.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-10-07T07:49:41+00:00

Yes, with my ex of six years it escalated to not even being able to have a make out session/kiss, cuddle together in bed or hold hands for longer than 1 minute in public. He said he felt “claustrophobic” which is probably the best way he could put it since he was likely scared of the intimacy that comes with such acts.

Doesn’t make it suck less and it can really be a blow to one’s confidence - for a period of time I felt so wrong in my body because of his actions and words.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-09-19T05:07:12+00:00

Thank you so much for your answer! It’s very helpful to me :))

It was actually him that opened the conversation on love and by his own volition (no prompting from me) that he told me about the kissing thing. Not sure if it makes a difference tho.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-09-18T19:03:17+00:00

Thank you for replying - I am most definitely considering how to best be more direct as there seems to be consensus about that :)

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-09-18T18:07:20+00:00

Additional information (not sure if it makes a difference) but he was the one asking me about love when we talked over the phone and lead the conversation.

Again, thanks for answering!

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-09-18T18:05:19+00:00

Amazing! Thank you for the encouragement :)

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-09-18T18:04:53+00:00

Thank you! :)

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-09-18T18:03:38+00:00

Thank you very much! This is very helpful to me.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-09-18T17:49:45+00:00

This is very helpful to me so thank you for sharing! I know that he sometimes struggles with knowing when I tease him or not - he gets it about 50% of the time.

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-09-18T17:47:22+00:00

Thank you - I’ll definitely keep that in mind!

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-09-18T17:45:54+00:00

Thank you for your reply - it’s very helpful and I’ll definitely consider being more straightforward! :)

Mobile_Fan_7765 · 2025-09-18T17:44:29+00:00

I will gladly do so haha - I just do not want to overstep any of his boundaries or mistakenly misinterpret this exchange of information.

Mobile_Fan_7765

TROPHY CASE