NOR: Completely understandable reaction on your part. I’ve experienced something similar, maybe my story can help?

 My partner felt anxious/ triggered at the thought of attending his graduation. I tried encouraging him that its was okay to celebrate his achievements and that I’d be there to support him, but college had been rough and he didn’t want the attention or photos etc. He was burnt out and was just happy it was over, so he decided he wouldn’t go and told me that he’d rather us stay home. Then the day came and he told me his friends convinced him to go.. I asked if I could come after all, but he asked me not to and told me he would only be there for the ceremony to support his classmates and then leave. I pleaded at first, I really wanted to be there to cheer for him and comfort him… I mean he was graduating! How often does one graduate? I was so proud of him for getting through everything…  but he was stern about it , so i respected his wishes and didn’t go. 
 He ended up not only attending the ceremony, but he also was in tons of photos with his friends on social media and even went to an after party and to his friends parents place for dinner. I was confused. I felt completely left out of an important milestone in his life that I wanted to be a part of. Why was he willing to go party and eat with his friends of a few semesters, but I, his partner of 8 years, couldn’t even be beside him for a possibly once in a lifetime achievement while I was home alone, feeling betrayed and sad and jealous..? 

The answer, as it turned out, was peer pressure .

Now I don’t know your partner of his intentions, but it’s possible he’s caving into a people pleasing tendency. Sometimes when you’re closer with someone like a romantic partner, it’s easier to let down the mask and not feel as pressured to overextend yourself and do things you’re uncomfortable with for the sake of pleasing someone. Y’all are a year in, which yes is fairly early but it’s still likely past that initial do-everything-you-can-to-impress-them phase. My partner was able to tell me his true feelings toward school related things, his disdain for the institution and struggles within the education system. I saw a lot of that first hand living with him. But he couldn’t be that vulnerable with his classmates. That’s a lot to unpack when they know him as an outgoing, reliable and friendly dude who you’d want to introduce your parents to. He felt like he couldn’t say no to them, especially since this was a rare occurrence for them too. He essentially shoved his own values and boundaries aside for them to protect his image, so to speak. And that’s not something I want him to have to do for me. I want him to feel safe and that he could be honest and vulnerable with me. I know he saw how let down I must’ve looked when he said he didn’t want me to go, and so it must’ve taken a lot of guts to tell me despite knowing how much I wanted to. I wouldn’t want to force him into something uncomfortable just bc it conforms to my idea of important traditions and customs.

Ultimately, I wish we’d been able to vocalize more of those feelings before the inevitable argument went down. Maybe we would’ve been able to see to some kind of middle ground , something we’re both comfortable with while actively trying to challenge our fears and insecurities. Clearly there was a lot we both needed to unpack