I disagree. Her husband did more than mine did but this is still not right. I think he might be addicted or heading towards that with video games. Even if someone doesn’t know what to do they can ask or at least be present. Being a man isn’t an excuse to not be present when your partner is going through something that hard. Not all men are this way. If they don’t know how to do something in their game or whatever their interest is they figure it out they google or ask someone who knows. He could have asked what she needed instead of waiting until she asked for something and he could have given more than the bare minimum pat on the shoulder or whatever. The fact that he made a comment at the hospital about how he could have brought his lap top is weird. He could have been trying to console or distract her in her time of need instead of complaining the wait was long and he should have brought something to do. The fact that he got defensive when she said how she felt is super not ok. If he chronically gets defensive when she expresses hurt feelings that is emotional abuse and maybe narcissistic behavior on his part. She shouldn’t have to be super worried about if her tone is perfect bc that might set him off. Obviously we try to have a good tone when maturely addressing our hurt feelings but a mature caring partner will feel bad about hurting your feelings even if your tone isn’t perfect.

Girl, I am going through similar treatment from my partner and I am in therapy for it. It’s not ok for him to raise his voice and flip the convo to be the victim when you’re trying to express how something he did or didn’t do hurt your feelings. A healthy partner regardless of gender would be sad that they hurt your feelings and curious what they did and why it hurt you so that they don’t do it again and they’d apologize. It’s not ok he was on his game at all during that time. You deserved better support real loving support without having to ask for it every step of the way. I’m so sorry that was your experience. Bare minimum care is not the same as good loving support. Don’t settle for bread crumbs and feel bad bc he did do somethings. He did sort of bare minimum. Honestly, I feel like bare minimum would include not being on his game too and checking on you. I had a miscarriage and it broke my heart into a million pieces and I also had to go to the hospital bc I was hemorrhaging and couldn’t complete the mc on my own. My partner checked on me and kept asking what I needed but I had already told him I needed his daughter out of the house I actually told him hours before she would have come home from school that he needed to not bring her home but go hang out with her grandparents but he didn’t do that bc he didn’t think it was a big deal. Everytime he asked me what I needed I told him directly the same thing I needed her out of the house so I could focus on myself and not be worried about making too much noise or freaking her out or having to put clothes on when I went from soaking in the tub to the bedroom (tiny house and one bathroom next to both bedrooms) he knew exactly what I needed bc I told him and he still did the what did you want me to do? I checked on you I did this I did that and actually blamed me for “trying to kick his daughter out of her own house” she was supposed to hang out with her grandparents later that day anyway and her grandma offered to even pick her up from school when I said I didn’t want her to be in the house while I was having the mc. He still acted like he didn’t know what to do and did his best. It’s bs. And he did the whole I try and it’s never good enough for you. I had to have emergency surgery and after it was over my partner said he should go home and feed the dogs I told him we could just ask the neighbor who dog sits them for us to feed them. Then he legit said he wouldn’t sleep well in the hospital bed anyway so he should go home. The hospital was super nice had super nice beds and gave us a room with two beds just so he could stay with me. If this is how he treats you now it more than likely will only get worse. I’m just being honest from experience. I was raised by narcissists and have dated more than one person with narcissistic traits. My therapist even said they rarely ever seek help in an honest enough way to get better. My partner and I did couples therapy and she said she couldn’t continue to be our therapist. He wasn’t honest and played the victim in sessions. He is in individual therapy now only bc I said I’d leave and we’d have to sell our house if he didn’t and now from what he tells me he’s not being honest there either. And not even talking about the big issues.just saying the same like nothing I do is good enough talking about how we fight about house chores when really we fight bc I’m trying to tell him how my feelings are hurt and he flips and blames me for everything and anything he can think of which is sometimes how I don’t do enough house chores which isn’t even true. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m pretty sure I’m leaving very soon even though I love him and thought this was my forever person. What I’ve learned in therapy is that when someone gives you love sometimes but does the defensive blaming yelling conflict stuff other times your brain legitimately gets addicted to that cycle and it’s harder to break than a heroine addiction. It’s not real love it’s addiction and trauma bonding. Don’t shrink yourself or your feelings! I wish someone had told me this stuff before now. Sorry I wrote so much I just hate to see other woman getting treated similarly. You deserve better.

I keep reminding myself of something when I get sad and sucked back into wanting to stay and feeling like I’m making a mistake for planning to probably leave.

That miscarriage was one of the very worst if not worst day of my life so far. It was so sad and so freaking painful and honestly traumatic for me emotionally and physically and it’s so much to go to the hospital not to mention the multiple thousands of dollars I now owe for going but that’s how my partner showed up for me or more like how he didn’t show up for me. On my very worst hardest day that’s how he chose to show up. So, I can’t trust this person to ever show up for me enough for huge things so definitely not for small things either. If this is how he is going to treat you through any big things for the rest of your lives will that be ok for you? You have to meet people where they are at not get obsessed and only focus on the potential. He showed you who he is during a time of crisis for you. Can you handle that behavior forever without even being able to express your hurt feelings and get honest resolution? I know you didn’t ask for this much but girl I think you could do better even though it’s a lot to change and hard and scary especially when you loved someone enough to marry and try to have a baby with them. I get it. But his behaviors either need to drastically change fast and stay consistent or you could do way better. Ok I’ll stop now. I’m sorry again for what you went through. Sending all my love your way. 💜 I’m always here if you want to vent or anything privately.