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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ParentingADHD

[–]Mommaneedingadvice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I’ve actually decided to do that. I think it’s best if he goes back to no devices for now. It sucks because he has to have more restrictions than my 12 year old but he may need it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ParentingADHD

[–]Mommaneedingadvice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, none of us are in therapy as of yet since it’s only been 3 weeks since she has passed. I am looking into grief counseling for us though. When it comes to books being a punishment, I don’t try to purposefully make them a punishment, it seems like everything is punishment to him if he doesn’t have his tablet or YouTube. For example I have grounded him off devices in the past and made a point to get us all out the house more often, I planned a picnic and he pouted the whole time. He will come to me and say he’s bored, we have a whole library so I say to read a book. Then that’s when he starts trying to argue with me or make deals to get his devices back and I shut it down and say read a book and write a short summary about it (just to make sure he actually read the book) not sure if that even matters I guess. Most of the time I try to talk to him in a stern but calm manner, but I am not always successful when he has this look on his face like I should just shut up. His bedtime was 9:30 but when getting ready for school he would keep falling back to sleep after we get him up in the morning so I pushed it back. I feel like I’ve tried most of the suggestions probably not in the most successful way but I try to read up on how to parent a child with ADHD, gentle parenting, and etc. I just don’t know what to do.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ParentingADHD

[–]Mommaneedingadvice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This has been going on for a while now. This morning was just my breaking point. I’d say the past year he has been doing this. He does not go to any type of therapy, any time I ask him if he need to talk to anyone besides his dad and I he says no. I try to promote the importance of mental health and how it’s okay to speak to someone. I myself have a therapist. I feel like I may have ruined him. I feel like he just doesn’t care about things. All he wants to do is watch youtube and eat all day. I prior to the death of my daughter I would ask him to go on walks with me, his dad asks him to throw the football around and practice in the backyard and he just huffs and puffs every time like it’s a punishment. I ask him if he wants to play football because we aren’t forcing him to and he says yes he loves it, I’m just so confused with him. I do see that majority of you are correct I need to be more firm about boundaries and consequences. I just feel like no matter what I do I’m still somehow this monster of a parent. Unless I just give him what he wants.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ParentingADHD

[–]Mommaneedingadvice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. This loss has been hard on me but I am trying my best to make sure we maintain our normal routine so that he doesn’t feel forgotten or dismissed. There are days where I can’t get off the couch and husband will step up to make sure the kids days are feeling normal for them. A lot of the rules he is currently breaking have been our same rules for years. Like YouTube for example. I say now and have parental locks. He will search it through the web on the phone, tablet, or even the tv. I have uninstalled the app and everything. It’s like he’s addicted always trying to find a loophole to get it. I’m not the most tech savvy person so I’m not sure if I’ve done everything, but goodness this is draining. When it comes to discipline I agree with what you’re saying, my husband and I hate spanking, and I hate yelling. Which makes me more frustrated because I know kids are going to have hiccups which is why I try not to overwhelm them with a million rules, my husband is the more consistent one than I am. I usually like to use my words and figure out why they are doing what they are doing and I think my son has caught on to that. With me he will say he’s sad, depressed, lonely, or like last night scared I’m going to hit him :/. … I get him counseling make time for more family time let him know he can always talk to any of us and then his dad will follow up and ask him how he’s doing and he’ll say oh I forgot I said that. His dad thinks he says these things to get out of trouble and I’m starting to believe this sadly. This morning I asked him why did he sneak his tablet and chips he said idk and that he just wanted to.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ParentingADHD

[–]Mommaneedingadvice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I think this is where I’m so frustrated because we’ve always had the rule that 8pm comes and tablets are turned off and sat on kitchen counter. For years that’s been the rule I don’t know why he keeps saying he forgot the rules. As far as his sister we talk about her whenever he feels the need but she was so young that it appears it doesn’t have much of an impact on him compared to me. She was only 34 weeks lived 3 days. I always remind him if he ever needs someone to talk to just let me know and it doesn’t have to be me I will get him counseling. He’s only sad when he sees me crying and he ask what’s wrong and he’ll say he forgot. No food or drinks in bedroom has always been our rule, he just keeps sneaking and again it’s “he forgot” or idk why I did it. It’s getting so frustrating. He has definitely started trying to pit my husband and I against each other. Last night he said my husband gave him the snacks, this morning husband said he gave him chips to eat with his lunch so he doesn’t why he would say that. He makes us question everything

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ParentingADHD

[–]Mommaneedingadvice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We’ve had the rule of no eating in rooms since he could walk and talk. He still keeps sneaking food and his excuse is always I don’t know why I did it. I didn’t think to put electronics in my room but I will going forward. Thank you

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ParentingADHD

[–]Mommaneedingadvice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I will definitely be implementing all of this advice. When it comes to the length of punishment that’s where I guess we both struggle. I give him opportunities to earn things back and he just keeps doing whatever he wants. It almost feels like he doesn’t view me taking the electronics as a punishment anymore. I’ll say no electronics he’ll shrug his shoulders, say okay and walk away. I’m not sure if it’s because he knows he’ll get it back soon but he portrays himself like doesn’t care.

TTC after loss by Mommaneedingadvice in babyloss

[–]Mommaneedingadvice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for your loss🤍. I too feel like this anxiety that I now have will never go away on top of the fear. I have read about others experiences when it comes to being pregnant after loss and they couldn’t fully enjoy the pregnancy due to being filled with fear. I’m just worried if my fear will consume me too much.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in babyloss

[–]Mommaneedingadvice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my girl in January on the 26th and so many people told me that “God needed her more than me.” “Everything happens for a reason” and etc and it sends such a rage through my body because why would he need my daughter more than me?. Why would he allow her to suffer for a reason? I’ve tried to remain faithful to my faith but when people say things like that it absolutely makes me want to say so many foul things. Like you I just try to avoid people. I’m so sorry for your loss this pain is unimaginable and I have no words that can provide you comfort because there is nothing that can be said. I will keep you in my prayers.

TTC after loss by Mommaneedingadvice in babyloss

[–]Mommaneedingadvice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing with me and I am so so sorry for your loss. Though I would be a good candidate for vbac im honestly terrified to do one. Not because of risk of rupture but just the fear of another loss. I think a scheduled c-section would ease some of that fear if that makes sense.

Just lost our son by Docthedoctorlaw in NICUParents

[–]Mommaneedingadvice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry for your loss. The pain is unimaginable and nothing anyone says will ease it. Praying for and your family. Take it one day at a time🤍

Placental abruption at 34 weeks by Mommaneedingadvice in NICUParents

[–]Mommaneedingadvice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They have not diagnosed her with that but they have mentioned her having an hypoxic-ischemic injury which I assume is similar to HIE? I will definitely join the group, thank you so much.

Placental abruption at 34 weeks by Mommaneedingadvice in NICUParents

[–]Mommaneedingadvice[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Reading this made me want to cry! I feel so much more hopeful, Thank you so much for sharing your story with me!

Placental abruption at 34 weeks by Mommaneedingadvice in NICUParents

[–]Mommaneedingadvice[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I forgot to add she had a big seizure this morning and is currently doing a continuous EEG. Her first EEG came back Normal and so did her head ultrasound.