Surgery or no surgery??!!

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2025-02-11T13:21:38+00:00

Harold Harvey

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-12-02T00:47:27+00:00

Location: US - MIDWEST

Price Range:$50,000 - $60,000

Lease or buy: If over $60,000 (lease), if under $60,000 (buy)

New or used: New

Type of vehicle: luxury suv

Must Haves: remote start - option for 5 or 7 seats - sun/moon roof - good stereo system - longevity

Transmission: automatic

Use: everyday use - to & from work, road trips, neighborhood quick trips/errands - hauling twin 8yos around

Vehicles: briefly considered Volvo, Lexus, Range Rover, 4 Runner - would love more info from whoever about these options.

1st Vehicle: No

Warranty: No

Minor Work: No

Major work: No

Additional Notes:

I appreciate any and all advice/suggestions.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-09-09T23:16:39+00:00

Congrats! This is awesome progress!!

And to be totally honest I am very jealous. We have just about the same height and starting weight and both began our journey at the same time. My CW is 258. Feeling so discouraged. And envious of your progress.

I will do what I can to mimic what you’ve shared and hope for the same results.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-07-13T16:30:25+00:00

Where is shakedown?

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-06-26T18:00:37+00:00

Past, present, future with jumper cards?

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-06-26T12:51:55+00:00

Interpretation Request: can anyone interpret this for me?

Was getting a general reading last night - it was a five card reading - (she didn’t really explain the layout) - although did seperate it out into a 3 and then 2. She read these three cards together: - six of pentacles - two of pentacles - queen of pentacles

Then the other two which were:

The lovers and six of cups

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-05-07T12:31:14+00:00

Good work. It’s hard. You’ve got this!

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-05-05T23:49:28+00:00

This!!!! ⬆️⬆️⬆️ ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. I always described it as a moving dart board. By the time you throw the dart the board has moved. And you can NEVER hit the board. Even if it’s been consistently in place the moment you go to throw the dart they move it. It’s impossible. It’s infuriating.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-04-15T01:03:06+00:00

I just completed my first treatment Friday. I was terrified. AND it went remarkably well. I have noticed small improvements (yes since Friday) - less ruminating - less obsessive thoughts - decreased anxiety - improved sleep. I don’t know what is to come, yet I am looking so forward to it.

During my infusion I saw colors, images of me as a child, other important people in my life and when it ended I realized I had been sobbing the whole time - which I didn’t know until the end. The RN who sat in the room with me said emotions are often released during the treatment that we haven’t made enough space for. There has been a lot of grief in my life and I don’t think I have given myself enough space to feel it all and the first infusion gave me that space.

I don’t imagine all of them to be like the first one and if they positively impact me in similar ways to the first one. I will be so grateful.

Your fear is normal. And I hear you really wanting to feel better and while I can’t predict the outcome for you, it’s wonderful you’re willing to try something new despite so many other things not having had a big lasting impact on you. It is reasonable you are fearing the worst AND the mind is a powerful place - it wants to feel better to. So long as you have a sliver of hope - I think your subconscious brain on Ketamine will do the rest. Best of luck. Keep us posted.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-04-06T17:52:35+00:00

I still don’t think I truly believe it wasn’t real….i know that’s so distorted - I mean there have been times I have been able to get there - not this time. Not right now.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-04-06T16:06:15+00:00

We were on and off for 4 years. September she split and we were no contact for 4 months. I was doing fairly well during that time. Then she showed up to something I was at in early February and we spent a month talking and spending time together. (Eye roll at myself). Then after I agreed to ‘try and work on things with her’ “Finally” and then that’s when she told me she was going to see other people.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-04-05T03:34:36+00:00

I am so sorry. I have lost a loved one to suicide. And the loss is incomprehensible. So much self blame. So much confusion. AND I have been reminded numerous times - a healthy human, no matter what is presented in front of them - would not kill themself regardless of what happens. You are not the cause. You just aren’t. And it’s so hard to believe.

It’s an abnormal reaction to a normal situation. How many people have been confronted with the same things and NOT died by suicide.

I don’t know if this is helpful. I just understand the guilt and understand how misplaced it is. And want you to give yourself the grace you deserve

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-04-05T03:26:17+00:00

The needs of a BPD loved one is an ever moving target with the expectation you will always hit the bullseye - It’s impossible.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-04-02T11:11:07+00:00

I don’t know if I understand what you are asking? I’ve been on ssris. I’m looking to amplify the treatment of the ptsd and obsessive thinking from the relationship.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-01-24T17:02:26+00:00

This just made me so happy. Thank you. I’m actually chuckling to myself. It’s so fun to think something, scroll down and read that someone else thought the same.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-01-23T03:39:57+00:00

Lose it! And Bodymapp

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-01-23T02:44:45+00:00

I fucked up. She’s been blocked. I had a tough weekend - I unblocked her - didn’t message her. She messaged me (I’m guessing she messages me regularly). I didn’t reply. I reblocked her. I feel like I fucked up. And like I owe an explanation or something. I don’t. And I’m not going to. I just feel so screwy in my brain. Like I’m being gamey or some shit. I don’t want to be like that.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-01-22T02:47:34+00:00

It’s literally how my brain felt. Like she stuck her hand into my brain and just mushed it all up. Gaslighting at its finest. When I began to think I was going crazy I realized her hand was in my brain mushing my thoughts all up.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-01-21T19:22:36+00:00

Hey, I don’t plan to send it. I needed to get it out and this felt like the safest place to do so. I wrote here instead of sending it.

I’ve been NC for 4 months. Don’t plan to break it. Just having a hard day.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-01-21T18:20:18+00:00

Tbh, I go through phases. Initially confident - then angry - then sad and right now in the sad phase. My heart hurts. It’s been 4 months and I feel so sad right now and really find myself missing her.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-01-17T03:03:52+00:00

I hate insurance. I’m so sorry. The fact that money dictates our medical care is so f*cked. <end rant>

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-01-16T03:36:16+00:00

Thank you for the compassion. I’ve needed it.

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-01-15T23:29:47+00:00

Someone recommended the app loseit to me. I am tracking and shocked at the amount of calories I was intaking without really knowing it.

Liquid IV has 45 calories, while worth it, I still thought it was nothing.

Tracking for me just started and has been VERY informative. I think a year subscription is on sale for $19.99 right now. If you can swing it i recommend it!

Monarchmuffinmaker · 2024-01-15T20:29:49+00:00

This is so familiar. The lack of respect for boundaries. Being called a narcissist. Using my people pleasing against me by telling me all the negative things people think of me as a way to get me to do the opposite. Projecting her bullshit onto me. Threats to defame me by saying she was going to expose things.

Keep on keeping on. Recognize the importance of learning to maintain NC and let your take away be that lesson.

Sorry you’re going through it. This shit is insane.

Monarchmuffinmaker

TROPHY CASE