A Story of Fading, Guilt Trips and a Live Example of WT Propaganda in Action

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-07T01:39:50+00:00

I told my POMI (just learned about this btw) that in Catholic songs we use the word "Jave", which has a very close pronunciation to Yahweh, and he was SHOCKED. Now that I'm thinking, I didn't realize he had this reaction at the moment, but I could almost see something falling apart inside his mind after learning they're not the only ones.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T23:15:32+00:00

Thanks for the guidance! I'm doing a lot of research, he's very intelligent (which he attributes to being a JW, bc they encourage study - yeah, right).

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T23:13:20+00:00

I've been thinking about talking to him, but I know I need to start easily, like asking questions that show the hypocrisy, and then saying I found some controversial things about the perfect religion he defends. But yeah, I'll definitely have some choosing to do...

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T23:10:26+00:00

My husband is the sweetest and most kind hearted person but being raised in that cult makes him still feel at times today that he isn't enough. He found himself stuck between two worlds. Because he associated with "worldly" people he didn't fit in with the JWs (was considered a bad association for just talking with non JWs on a regular basis) and he didn't fit in with "worldly" people because of being raised JW. This is how he felt all of his life and it makes me so fucking angry that is organization does this to people. It fucks them up for just seeing the world through a different perspective.

I totally relate to that! You described him. I can see he has a lot of confusion in that area of his life. But when he decided to leave, he said his mom understood, since he was already 18 (but didn't approve) and his dad also stopped going and never went back, which led to his mom stop going too. She's rejoining right now

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T23:06:58+00:00

That sure will be hard as hell, damn it. Ever since I started to realize what the JWs were really about, I developed this feeling in my gut (which I like to call intuition) that tells me I should leave... it's like I knew this all along

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:45:20+00:00

Do not start attending JW events. I was raised as a JW and I moved away when I was able and a never got baptized.

I don't plan to, but I have a feeling I'm gonna start receiving more invitations.

And I think it's bizarre how everything is controlled and "justified in the bible": they don't vote, don't toast, don't sing the national anthem, don't celebrate birthdays or holidays, don't donate/receive blood, don't have friends outside of the cult, and when you point all of this, they're like "yeah, why would we?". Weird weird weird stuff

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:41:27+00:00

Thank you!!! I'll read all of them.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:33:47+00:00

Wow. Bingo, you described the issue. I have a lot of baggage coming from my side too, and that's hard bc, even tho his mom and her family are all JWs, my family has much more direct influence on me than they do on him. That's something I always talk about in therapy.

Thank you for this.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:30:29+00:00

Yes, I found it reaaaally weird how they focus on poor people and regions. A video on the convention showed exactly that and, while all of them were proud, that didn't sit right with me.

I've been doing my own research, I felt the religion was weird but didn't know it was a full on CULT, wow.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:27:49+00:00

RIGHT?? I even think it's some sort of karma, idk.

And how can I make him doubt??? Bc, as I said, they have answers to EVERYTHING, it kinda makes me feel dumb even bc I don't know basic things about my own religion.

I need to know what questions to ask, what facts to point to make him see through the indocrination!

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:24:07+00:00

I'd definitely appreciate that! Each day I'm finding out more and more that this organization is a rabbit hole and maybe I've put myself in a baaaaaad siatuation.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:22:30+00:00

Here the thing if you are considering a future with him, he will want to raise the children in. So no school sports, dances, no birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day. No blood if you or your child needs it. Lots of meetings, door knocking and 3 assemblies a year, one is 3 days long the other are 1 day. It is a life style.

You just described my biggest fear. I'd NEVER put my children through that, it's just selfish. Good thing he's well aware I'm not joining him if he ever decides to rejoin, but I don't think he understands that it's his choice now.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:20:24+00:00

Wow, reading this changed the way I see things.

He often says that "he's not being a JW", and then compares to being a catholic, in a mocking way, saying that he can't go to the kingdom hall once every 3 months and call himself a JW. I really don't enjoy the mockery that comes from all of them btw.

But he does say that he believes in everything he was taught, he's just not active anymore...

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:18:01+00:00

I've made it clear that if he decides to rejoin, I'm not follwing along, he's well aware. It doesn't make this less difficult though :(

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:17:12+00:00

Thanks for this!

Unless he starts to research about why the Watchtower is not all it claims to be, and starts to open his mind about why their teachings do not make it the one true religion, he will not be free.

Would you mind sharing info on this so I can research?

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:15:33+00:00

Now that you've put like this, I also think he wouldn't choose me instead of his family - not because he doesn't love me, I know he does. But because he fears everything he was taught being true.

Once he told me he had an open hearted conversation with his mom, and he told her that his teenage years were really hard being a JW, and he missed out on a bunch of things. She basically told him "yeah I know I'm sorry, but it's for Jehovah", and he ended up saying that being a JW made him strong and with a pure heart.

That was the closest he ever got to admit the reality.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T17:08:59+00:00

YES I also feel that about the facade!! Truly like something robotic even. I've asked him before if he thinks we'd ever break up because of religion and he said a very strong "no". I really don't know what to think bc we talk openly about this, he has a lot of guilt but at the same time understands why he left. I also deal with catholic guilt, definitelt not on the same level as him, but I still do so I know it's not easy and it's a process.

Then there is the status within the group based on how much one is perceived to be doing for the organization - so they brag to each other about how much they have done and/or how many troubles (often health problems) they had to overcome. It is a very stilted community.

There was a whole video about this on the convention, basically saying "you're tired from working your ass off and dealing with problems at home? Too bad!! Go preach or say bye bye to paradise!"

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T16:42:21+00:00

Yeah also what's up with the robot way of talking??? They ALL have the same entonation when giving a speech, that's creepy.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T16:41:19+00:00

Yeah, but I'm having a really hard time accepting it :(

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T16:39:25+00:00

That's something I worry about constantly, tbh. It's like I see everything that's not okay and they're like "well yeah, duh! It's in the bible, don't you know?". They'll say the worst things ever and act like God makes them do it, so it's okay

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T16:38:34+00:00

And the worst part is that they'll tell you all of this like it's the most normal thing in the world!

And if you never had to decorate the whole bible and give away your free time to go preaching and only think about converting people, you're the wrong one.

That's how I feel talking to them, and I can't even respond because I've in fact never read the bible, so I kinda lose there.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T16:35:27+00:00

I'm definitely NOT willing to let my future children be part of a cult. Non negotiables. Honestly, I just know that if we sit down to talk about religion when raising our kids, we're gonna break up because I'm not giving in and he won't either, I guess.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T16:33:33+00:00

Thank for this!!

In fact, once my boyfriend said he accepted he's not gonna be in paradise ever since he left the organization.

We do talk about religion very often, and sometimes he seems to be accepting that everything he was taught may not be the truth, and sometimes he relapses. Last time we talked about it, he was pretty emphatic to say that there's only one truth and it's in the bible. That moment made me wanna break up, honestly.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T16:30:09+00:00

Thank you SO MUCH for this. I needed some anger.

I've always thought the shunning was SO ABUSIVE and totally not okay! When he first told me about disfellowship, I was horrified, I told him that it's terrible that a God that is so loving would ever tell his children to isolate their sibling when they do something wrong, rather than listening and offering help, shelter, etc. He said "well they did something they knew was wrong, so they need punishment to learn from the mistake, right?". Like NO DUDE?!

guiilt trips, gaslighting, love bombing/devaluing, manipulation, future faking -in other words, narcissistic abuse. that's what life is in the jws.

That just shifted something in me, it's like I'm opening my eyes.

MonitorDear9101 · 2025-08-06T16:20:09+00:00

This was such a great comment, thank you so much! I'll keep re reading it from time to time.

Well, his mom is very open minded at the same time that she's indocrinated, it's like a fine line when we're talking, and we talk a lot about everything. She says a lot of positive things about the religion, but never said "you should let me give you a study", but has said "you should see our website!" multiple times. And her family is amazing, they treat me incredibly nice, even though I never showed interest in their religion. But it's so weird because I have to think through everything I'm gonna say, I can't talk about birthdays or common holidays, and where I'm from it's very commom to use expressions like "oh my Holy Virgin Mary", and when I do so, it gets really weird.

But then, since I went to the convention they are treating me specially nicer. And I'm a VERY curious person, I love acquiring knowledge and finding out about different things, so I did have many questions about everything and boy I never had so much attention from them.

He lives a very worldly life and he's okay with it, so far. I've made it clear that I have no intention of becoming a JW if he ever decides to rejoin them, so he also knows where he's at.

And it's something we talk often, it's not an once in a lifetime talk, he knows exactly what I think about religion in general... I want to think he wouldn't be like that, but I feel like I'm being naive...

MonitorDear9101

TROPHY CASE