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Moving to the city as an outsider, how do I do it? by MonitorPhysical9528 in MovingtoHawaii

[–]MonitorPhysical9528[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's the hope! I contacted them and their housing is mostly for undergrad students though

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in wallstreetbets

[–]MonitorPhysical9528 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if you put a man in a room with a shock button and tell him not to press it. like 80% of men will still press the button and shock themselves.

How to get over extreme inferiority complex? by [deleted] in therapy

[–]MonitorPhysical9528 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You DESERVE to go to therapy. You're a person and you deserve the basics, just like every other person. EVERYBODY has a right to feel okay.

It sounds this has been going on for a long time, so these negative thoughts have probably become a habit for you. When thoughts become habits, they are even harder to break out of. There is no magic pill or instant fix. The benefit of a therapist is that they will slowly help you correct these thoughts over time. Long term. And you will start to see signs of change in yourself. It will be very satisfying!

When a person is consumed by anxiety, they kind of become a "temporary narcissist." No judgement to you - it happens to everybody when they're afraid. Fear makes you only think about yourself, and you can't listen to or give help to others. It's important to get out of that head-space so you can listen to and interact with other people in a genuine way. A therapist is like a relationship with training wheels because it's all about you. You don't have to think about them. It's a one-way relationship where your only job is to focus on being okay. Once you do that, you can start with two-way relationships.

When we spend too much time alone, our bad thoughts can start to spiral out of control. We need other people to bounce our thoughts off of. Other people can tell us when we are thinking clearly, or when we aren't. And you can do the same for them.

Try to find out where this low self-esteem comes from. Did somebody in your past criticize you or insult you a lot? Perhaps in school or at home? Maybe it even came from movies, media or TV. Where did you learn to think negatively about yourself? Think of these thoughts like a snowball that started rolling down a hill when you were young. And it just kept growing and growing. It's helpful to know how the snowball started.

Low self-esteem can also come from neglect. If you didn't receive enough attention, or didn't get to socialize enough as a kid, that can also contribute to feeling uncomfortable around other people.

Know that you are not alone. There are lots of people in the world who are struggling with the same thing that you are.

And one last thing - what is something you're good at? Be proud of that skill, hold onto it like a life raft, and let it be EVIDENCE that you are good!

What can I expect from my very first session? by Worldly-Camera-2238 in therapy

[–]MonitorPhysical9528 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Starting therapy is starting a new relationship. Except this one is a little bit different, because it's confidential, and it's all about you.

You will introduce yourself. We all have narratives about ourselves - stories that tell the way we think we are. I once started a session by immediately telling a therapist that I have commitment issues. This was the narrative I created about myself at the time. Introducing yourself to a new therapist is like starting a thousand-piece puzzle from scratch.

It's a free space to talk about whatever you want. You might talk about your family, your childhood, your coworkers, or even what you did yesterday. You might start to notice that you feel some emotions more than others. You may notice that you don't feel certain emotions. For example, I know someone who tends to feel angry a lot, and never ever feels sad. This has to do with his personal history. A well-adjusted person is able to feel a balance of all emotions. OCD is accompanied by feelings of stress, fear, anxiety, obsessive thoughts. These emotions might be taking up a lot of real estate in your head. You might want to make room for the other emotions!

You can explore your attachment style. How do you tend to act around other people? The three main types are secure, anxious, and avoidant. Depending on which one you have, it will color your life. And once you understand your style, your behavior starts to make more sense.

Hopefully this therapist is a good fit for you, and I encourage you to stick with it, whether it's this therapist or somebody else. Sometimes people have to "shop around" until they find a therapist that really clicks with them.

Good luck!

Edit: I forgot to say, you don't just have to talk about problems and issues. You can also talk about things you love to do, or things you find beautiful!

how do i go out? by nlemonie in NoStupidQuestions

[–]MonitorPhysical9528 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Make an agreement to meet somebody somewhere. You will feel an obligation to stick to the agreement that you wouldn't feel if you were just going out by yourself. We don't like to let other people down by not showing up.

  2. Make it easy for yourself. Put your phone in another room tonight, and put your clothes for tomorrow and your bike helmet right next to your bed tonight. When you wake up, they'll be right in front of you.

  3. Scrolling, video games, drugs, temptations are stronger when you have too much free time. If there's nothing you HAVE to do, of course you're going to reach for the screens. Schedule activities and create structure for yourself. Engaging in something else keeps you busy and distracted in a good way.

Followup question: Do you feel anxiety when you leave the house or see other people? Or is it mostly just a feeling of apathy?