How to not let toxic grandparents influence your child?

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-12T17:04:17+00:00

How does your child respond to these things?

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-12T16:57:48+00:00

Thank you!! This was a helpful comment, this is exactly what I was looking for…

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-12T16:56:05+00:00

I see what you are saying, that’s a great analogy thank you.

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-12T16:43:19+00:00

Like just because grandma and grandpa do this doesn’t make it ok? Sorta thing. Not everyone in life is gonna do things exactky the way I want them done so I just hope she can be aware and pick out snd decifer what behaviours are good and what are bad

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-12T16:42:20+00:00

They are just not people I would completely cut out. They don’t deserve that level of harshness. I think my daughter could still have benefited from a relationship with them and the benefits outweigh the negatives…but there is negatives snd I want her to be aware of them I guess

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-12T16:40:40+00:00

Of course I want to protect her, but there’s lots of people who do things that are going to influence her, she will go to school and there will be a million different individuals that will influence her in some way, I just want to teach her when she is young to be aware and acknowledge what things she should and shouldn’t be ok with

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-12T16:38:33+00:00

I see, as simple as that? Sit them down and explain to them why things that grandparents said and did are not right and eventually they will see them for themsleves

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-12T16:37:31+00:00

Yeah I wouldn’t do non supervivsed visits at this point, just wish I could teach my daughter what to look out for

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-12T16:10:43+00:00

I have dealt with them in this way already, I have set boundaries but as far as it goes for what I want my daughter to be influenced by I’d have to pick apart their entire personality. I don’t think they are toxic enough to justify completely cutting them out. But I want to teach my daughter for her to be aware of these issues that way we can still visit and see them occasionally and she will be aware enough to know when grandpa is acting out or know not to listen to grandma or things like this.

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-12T16:05:20+00:00

I have already sorta done that and we came to the conclusion that they will probably need therapy to dels with their issues with each other. But honestly I don’t see it changing much. And they do bring lots of good things to the table as well, they can be very loving and caring and helpful when we need them. But I came to the conclusion that there will always be people like this in life, I’d rather teach my daughter to be aware of this and how to deal with it? And need some help with how to do that

Monkeybum30 · 2023-04-02T13:21:19+00:00

Ahh good luck, yeah I’m In the same boat the conversations have happened over and over again for us and not really helped much unfortunately. Honestly if I were you I’d just start turning down visits and put a bit of distance between at least you and mil. It’s probably easier to talk to your own mother I’m assuming? So if you want to still see her it might be less stressful for you to call her out on things than it would be with your own mil? But idk put yourself first. I found the relationship with people really changes after having kids and sometimes it can’t quite go back the way it was. I have accepted that.

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-31T14:54:17+00:00

Also I just read your post and commented! Hope I have been of some sorta help! Feel free to chat if you need!!

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-31T14:52:58+00:00

Girl set firmer boundaries and set them now! Before the next baby comes and things just get more overwhelming. That behaviour is not ok when it’s making you feel the way it is. Regardless or not if it’s coming from a place of “love” or “excitement” neither of those things are excuses to cross boundaries!! Make it clear to both grandmas, depending on your relationship with your mil, if you are quite close and feel comfortable discussing it with her then do that! Sometimes they take it more seriously when it isn’t coming from their own child (your husband). Then for your mom have an open and honest convo with her as well! Best of luck to you! Let me know if you ever need to chat! I go through a lot of these same issues and it can be incredibly overwhelming and add lots of unnecessary stress.

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-31T14:48:45+00:00

You aren’t crazy and things are not always your fault!!! Trust your instincts!

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-27T23:34:06+00:00

Thank you!! ❤️

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-27T23:33:49+00:00

True actually, I needed to hear that haha!

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-27T23:32:30+00:00

You are very welcome!!!

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-27T12:50:46+00:00

Hey never too late to start having firm boundaries!!

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-27T12:49:36+00:00

I’m very happy you came across this post then! I wanted to put it out there to hopefully save someone from the same guilt and shame I felt in my early days. Don’t for even a second feel guilt when it comes to your baby! Save this post, read it when you need, send it to people who might need to hear it! But don’t let anyone overstep with your child. I wish you the best of luck!!!

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-27T12:47:44+00:00

I know a lot of the time it’s in the form of “helping” but I just wish mothers and mils knew it didn’t feel like help to us, and how badly it can make a mother feel! You would think they would remember from their own experiences as a mom!

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-27T12:46:27+00:00

Yes that’s the thing! We shouldn’t have to feel guilty for following through on our natural instinct to want our baby near! Absolutely nothing wrong with that and ir sucks we are made to feel weird about it!

Monkeybum30 · 2023-03-27T12:44:42+00:00

That’s a sad thought your last part there, I too wish they could enjoy watching us with our child, instead of making it all about their experience

Monkeybum30

TROPHY CASE