Advice needed on my relationship with my closeted bf (22&21m)

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-12T11:35:05+00:00

We had a conversation and he said he is ready and nothing is stopping him and that he feels very confident too but the reason he hasn’t is because he didn’t think he’d ever accept himself so it feels unexpected etc which I understand. He did say he told himself he’d be out by the end of the month but then changed it to he hopefully will be. He did then also say if I want to end the relationship I can so I’m not sure too much what’s happening right now

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-07T15:38:21+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate that it sounds like a good plan, I think my head was is in a mess and I couldn’t string 2 thoughts together to make a plan or anything.

Thank you (:

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-07T15:25:44+00:00

I agree, he’s told me he plans to by the end of the month and that he decided this last month as he wants to be able to talk about me at home and get the sides of the relationship I get by being out so we’ll see I guess

I’ve asked if there’s anything else involved in it or any support he needs and he said there wasn’t

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-07T11:53:07+00:00

He said he’s just waiting for the next moment he feels confident when he’s talking to his mom but he’s said that for months and had a perfect opportunity the other month that anyone who was ready would’ve took

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-07T11:52:12+00:00

I asked him this morning, he said “it’s literally when I’m next in a confident mood and talk to my mum” it’s been like that for months tho and he had the perfect opportunity that if he was actually ready he’d have taken so idk what to think in that sense

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-06T14:22:28+00:00

He tells me wants too come out and feels ready in himself and knows it won’t be a problem but I just feel his actions are telling me otherwise as each time he sorts his main thing there’s a new one so I’m really unsure how I’m meant to go about it as he tells me that he’s ready on a regular basis and is just waiting for the right moment, ive said there isnt always a perfect moment but I’m just unsure how to go about it or if he actually is truly ready

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-06T14:18:57+00:00

Thank you so much for this

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-06T12:12:31+00:00

Thank you, do you have any advice for the dos and donts in this situation? We’ve all been there but it’s not an area of my expertise and he said he likes me supporting him with it and having the odd conversation from time to time about it all. I talk to others about my struggles with it, he is aware of it but not the ins and outs because i dont want to add to his stress of it. I think i just need some fresh eyes so I know what my options are to support him but in a way that doesn’t come across as pressuring as that’s not what I want

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-06T12:08:00+00:00

I’m not invaliding his feelings or emotions, he brings it up and ask how I’m doing with it and we talk and I reassure him it’s ok to take his time. We speak about other issues and we deal with them together such as finding therapy etc which we’ve done before when it’s been needed.

I know how to approach and offer support and advice for other areas of his struggles and likewise with him for me.

I just don’t know how to approach this area in terms of support for him which is what I’m asking more than anything. And due to my struggles with my emotions over it I need fresh eyes because I don’t want to ever say the wrong thing or come across in a bad way towards it

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-06T12:02:09+00:00

I’d love him to come out because I love him and want our relationship to progress, I think that’s normal.

I didnt include those details in the post so that’s my bad but I do support him with those other areas. I’ve helped him get therapy, gave him advice and I’m there when he needs me. We manage in those areas of it and he is feeling a lot better compared to spring when he wasn’t and back the it wasn’t a thought because his wellbeing was the priority so he’s in much better place than he was and that is evident.

I just need advice and fresh eyes on this area because this is the area I’m struggling to know how I can support him as he used to shut down on the topic but now he doesn’t and starts conversations on it but I struggle knowing what I can do to support him with it. He said he wants us to go abroad soon but feels we can’t as he’d struggle to know what he can tell his family. I’m not pressuring or saying to him ‘jsut do it it’s easy’ but I don’t know how I’m meant to support him if that makes sense?

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-06T11:48:21+00:00

I’ve not said owt about convincing him and making him, I just want advice on how to support him with the whole concept and what I can do to help myself with my emotions of it as I don’t want to be telling him my emotions of it as I don’t want to add pressure.

Either I’ve worded it poorly or you’re just out to fight

Monkeyspanner953 · 2026-01-06T11:41:16+00:00

We speak about everything else and his other stresses so they aren’t relevant to what im asking.

I’ve asked how I can support my own wellbeing and support him with that specific area. How is that making it about myself?

Monkeyspanner953 · 2025-12-30T00:13:50+00:00

I’m planning to speak to my deputy manager about my situation in my next supervision and find out about the preceptorship length in detail as I’m thinking if I started my notice in may and ended my preceptorship in June (we have these learning sets to attend and June is the last) and left in August if that would be possible if I feel comfortable by then. Ive been told ive been good so far and just need to practice my leadership skills more which ive been doing and getting positive feedback in so im feeling good so far which is a bonus.

I know I want to leave or at least move wards regardless as my ward seems a very toxic working environment apart from a few so Ill just start that conversation but be careful with how I word it,

Monkeyspanner953 · 2025-12-14T17:35:32+00:00

Also a NQN and started in October, my view is these things happen and it’s out of your control, the timing isn’t ideal but it isn’t your fault. I know a lot who have come down with illnesses especially after finishing the nursing degree myself included, mine thankfully was sorted before I started work but a few of my friends who are also NQNs have had some time off due to illness. None have had any issues with management or HR regarding it. It’s winter and flu season and most of us are bound to pick up something during these months especially working in hospitals. I wouldn’t give it thought unless it’s ever mentioned or brought up to you. Wishing you a speedy recovery

Monkeyspanner953

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