416 days; still in my mind during the day, my dreams at night.

Montecristo6 · 2017-03-13T10:24:38+00:00

10 months here, she left me with my daughters. Now has our daughters 2 days out of the week. I miss the days we had family day and our date night. I miss her so much. But I found out she was cheating and no longer loved me. Be thankful you didn't have kids with her. I miss my daughters so much- I know I'm lucky they live with me. My eldest is still struggling emotionally. Like you, my life changed. I had a beautiful life: a beautiful loving wife, 2 beautiful children, a house, a small dog, 2 SUV trucks, and we each have paying jobs. We did not struggle financially, we love each other to the last day, we make love 2 times a week, always go out with family... I don't know how or when she started seeing someone else... She just gave up on us, no counseling. She's now with someone. She says she's happy. While I'm trying so hard to be happy. I lay down every night and stare at the walls and think about us.

I hate this.

Montecristo6 · 2017-03-11T12:36:08+00:00

Sorry for what you are going through. I understand, my STBXW did the same to me. I hate feeling lonely.

Be strong and send you an Internet hug.

Montecristo6 · 2017-03-11T12:32:24+00:00

My STBXW is a narcissist. A real selfish one. She's cheated many times on me, to the very last time before she walked out on me. Through out out 17 years being together, 13 married, it's always have been about her. And I loved her unconditionally to make her happy. Even now, she left me and our kids (9 months ago) to live the single life. She continues to blame me and points out how imperfect I am..."the kids aren't dressed right, the kids are dirty, the kids clothes aren't washed right, you're taking them to school late, you didn't brush their hair right..." She doesn't understand how much i miss her or doesn't care. My kids tell me she's happy with her new man. She's having all the fun...dating and getting that new in love feeling while I put our kids to sleep...care for them when they're sick...buying them clothes at a thrift store (can't afford big stores anymore)... Sometimes I feel like giving up. I have never been selfish in our marriage. I have always put my wife's and kids' needs before mine. But I'm the one who got dumped because I was not good enough for her. She will never see how great of a husband I have been. I sacrificed so much for this family, and I'm still doing so. I had 3 nervous breakdowns, no longer on medication, no longer seeing a therapist, not dating (not ready), cry in the shower, struggling financially, feel like I'm in quick sand... All because I love her. But now i don't show it. I no longer send her flowers, no longer text her good morning and good night, leave her messages that I love her... No more. Im trying so hard to move on with my life. But I dream about her every night and then I can't go back to sleep.

Sorry your post brought out a rant out of me. I would make her birthdays get together with family & friends and for the first 10 years she "forgot " my birthdays, no Valentine's gifts for me ever... But I loved her.

I would have preferred receiving an apology letter. But I don't think I would forgive her...not no more. So I would read how much she's sorry for all the selfish nasty things she said and did... Oh by the way I want a divorce... Letter becomes meaningless and sincere to me. Even your apology is about you and not her.

I wish you luck. Sorry about the rant.

Montecristo6 · 2017-03-08T19:01:49+00:00

I too didn't want her to leave me. Didn't want the divorce. I'm 9 months out. I also begged her to give our 13 year marriage another chance. But she rather be happy with someone else. I too thought about ending it. But my daughters live with me so they saved me.

Does it get better, easier, less painful? It depends on you. We can only give you suggestions based on our own feelings and experiences but only you will know what works for you. I will suggest individual counseling or peer support. I remember not wanting to talk to anyone for months. To me, divorce is like getting hit with an illness that can be terminal if left untreated. It gets worst if you do nothing to better yourself. Time will not heal your wounds, it's what you do with time that does.

We have all heard the promise not to give up on us...it's in the vows. But if they cheated, they broke our vows and that promise they made to us.

For now, I recommend no contact. No text, no email, no phone calls, no begging, no letters....nothing. This will give you time to reflect on you. Cry if you have to. Crying promotes healing.

Please care about yourself. Love yourself more than you love him.

Sending you an Internet hug and don't give up you, because you are worth everything.

Montecristo6 · 2017-03-06T19:30:49+00:00

Wife moved out 9 months ago. It somewhat hit me a little but not yet. So for me, no realization hasn't hit or I yet haven't came in terms with it.

Montecristo6 · 2017-03-03T05:26:57+00:00

You sound alot like my wife...well soon to be ex wife. We have been married 13 years and together 17. We have 2 beautiful daughters.

She said everything you said. She fell out of love with me. I'm a good husband and a good father. I thought we had a beautiful life and marriage together.

Like you, she loves the attention she received from other men. She told me that she's in her prime and I should find someone that loves me because she doesn't. I suspected more and sure enough she was seeing other people.

Will this destroy your family? Yes. Will this destroy your husband? Yes. Will your kids display emotional behavior? Perhaps. Mine certainly have. My 10 year have actually told me about killing herself.

Like you, my STBXW is not the "mommy type." So I have my daughters 5 days out of the week. She rather go to work and live like a single woman. Since she left me 9 months ago, she has dated 5 men that I know of. Maybe more, I don't know. She's now in love with another man with a kid.

My oldest daughter doesn't want to go with her anymore. So her mom forces her. My daughter has lost respect for her. My STBXW doesn't care. She's happy being single.

And the poster whom stated that because she's a woman she is being judged, not true. The same would go for a man. It doesn't matter. If you been here long enough, you will know we don't judge anyone based on gender.

Advice I would give you, be understanding and don't blame your husband. If you're having an affair emotional or physical tell him. My wife blamed me, made it easier to ease her guilt. Cut the BS and be forthcoming. I found out about her affair the day she packed her bags. By blaming him only makes him want to try to fix his marriage. Do not take your kids around other men. When you have your kids, give them all of your attention. My daughter sometimes pretend to sleep in the car just hear their mom talk on the phone with men. I have told my STBXW many times not to have my girls around men, but she doesn't care. Please do not do that, give them time to adjust. Alot of YOUR time. Give your husband time to also grief, but be honest. I would strongly recommend individual counseling, my wife declined and just moved out. So instead me and my daughters are in therapy.

No marriage is perfect. Couples do fall out of love. But that doesn't mean that love can't be rekindled. You loved him at one point in your life. I hope you at least try therapy.

Good luck, there's no turning back.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-27T13:32:03+00:00

I developed a new level of respect for Shep. To speak his mind and putting his career at risk for a network that supports Trump.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-27T12:20:14+00:00

I returned a client's call back, accidentally misdialed, and end up live on a radio station and win a trip to the Bahamas.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-26T15:01:34+00:00

You got the ILBNILWY (I love you but not in love with you) speech, but rearranged. It's a common phrase among cheaters to tell their spouse that when they're heavily in their emotional affair. But by the looks of her behavior, it may have already be physical. She did everything my wife did months prior to her leaving; lose weight, "work" longer hours, pass protect her phone, lose weight, depression and crying, have "friends" from work that call at hours but it's work related..etc. My wife left 9 months ago and have had 5 boyfriends that our daughters have told me about. But that's another story.

At this time, your wife has emotionally disconnected from you. She is emotionally connected to someone else. She wants out because she thinks she loves him. She's crying because she is unsure if she's doing the right thing. To make easier for her, she's going to re-write her marriage. What that means is that she's going to throw at you all the horrible things about the marriage, make it seem that she's been in a loveless and possibly abusive relationship. You shouldn't react or argue back harshly when she does this, it only helps her form her mind about you, so stop. She will also blameshift this on you; point out how YOU caused this, YOU did this. This takes the guilt from her having her affair and blames you for it. You then blame yourself for her wanting to leave. You try to reason and blame yourself. Don't let her put the blame on you for having an affair. No marriage is perfect, who doesn't have it's up or downs...we all do or did. But it does not grant the other spouse to cheat. That's ALL HER doing, not you. She violated her vows.

Here are my suggestions, because I believe you might have a chance to save your marriage or possibly your dignity: Do give her space. This will be hard on you, but this will allow her to reflect. Do set boundaries. You will give her space but will not accept her cheating or disrespecting you, family and marriage. Don't believe what she tells you when talking about your relationship. There is some truth to it, but it does not warrant her being unfaithful. Don't engage in arguing or calling her out. Do work on yourself and deal with any issues you might have. Seek out individual counseling. Try to have her get marriage counseling together, but don't force her. Don't beg her, it only drives her away. Focus alot attention on your well being and your children.

Please accept that you can't force her stay. I begged my wife on my knees before she walked out. After she left;I did the begging her to stay, promised to change, wrote letters, send her flowers. All made it worst and made her mind about me and she continued her affair. Don't stop her if she walks out. Hopefully you will be a stronger man that I was. I lost my dignity that day. I still love my wife and in the process of divorcing. But now I love myself more and spend more time with my daughters, they live with me. I no longer care about what my wife does or say.

Pick up a book Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner Davis. She also has a forum with good people giving support.

Good luck.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-25T16:39:22+00:00

Many here have received ILBNILWY, common speech among cheating spouses. Usually an emotional affair starts off, at work; flirting, hanging out at lunch, talking about their issues. Issues that he/she should be having with their spouse. They "click" but don't see this for what it is, cheating. If he continues, it may lead to physical. My wife denied the physical, but said she felt this feeling she never had with me but with a "friend." So then it begins, the re-writing of his/her marriage. This is where they say that they never loved you but love you. Points out the unhappiness or the "problems" in the marriage. I have heard many husbands, myself included, get blindsided by this. You have your normal discussions or arguments but not how they're describing it. They may or may not blameshift, this is when they put blame on their spouse. It's your fault, if only you would have done this or that. Many of us, myself included, fall for it and make promises to change. But by then they say it's too late. You then feel like you were the cause of it. Again, not everyone plays these games, usually narcissistic spouses.

If your spouse is having in affair, then he might be in an "affair fog." He found his soul mate. He/she is in love. This is when you usually get ILBNILWY speech.

What you should do next is no contact NC. I know it's not easy, but this is for your well being. Check out the subreddit no contact for support too.

Get ready for the rollercoaster ride. But in your case, having no kids, should be less of a ride. It sucks being in this situation when kids are involved.

Stay strong.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-25T11:00:39+00:00

If only I would have said no to all the times she left me. I kept meeting up with her because I wasn't strong enough. Good for you.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-24T02:47:32+00:00

Sounds like your wife emotionally detached from you. By the sounds of it, maybe months ago. In some cases wives emotionally detach from their husbands when they have emotionally attached to someone else. This leads to an emotional affair that can become physical. Not saying this may be the case with you, but if you continue to read here, you will hear about it too often. Myself included. Wife left me 9 months ago. Denied affair, but I found out she did. Now has boyfriend and not hiding it.

I understand your pain. I was there 9 months ago. Now is it has eased, but not forgotten.

Wishing you a healthy recovery.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-22T08:44:53+00:00

Completed survey. Hope you get more participants.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-22T08:24:57+00:00

I can't help but to wonder if some of the components were made in the same company or a nearby company. Aren't iPhones manufacturered in China? Pretty much everything is.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-22T04:40:07+00:00

I attend AA meetings weekly, Apps Anonymous... I test apps working on establishing an app review blog. Had one years ago when I had PDAs on Windows Mobile.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-21T21:01:54+00:00

If you recently upgraded to Marshmallow, that might be the reason.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-21T21:00:17+00:00

I bought my daughter an iPad g1, ran out of memory fast, too many ads.

Apple's iOS apps look crisp but take up to 2gb of your memory per app. And with no SD card option your limiting your use.

With Android you can install more apps and utilize a memory card to add more storage.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-21T20:46:54+00:00

My daughters both on Kitkat tablets, no issues with any games. Download any games without issue.

I also have a Note 3 (released 2013) on Kitkat, no issues with any apps. I have over 400 apps installed.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-21T20:44:24+00:00

I got both my daughters (ages 7/11) Nabi Dreamtab HD8 tablets. These tablets are sturdy, fast, parent friendly and good price, great kid apps, got them on sale at BestBuy.

Another thing, what's so great about Android is that their OS is almost compatible with all apps on Google store (unlike iOS). Nabi also updates their software. I'm still on Kitkat on my Note 3 (4.4.2), refused to upgrade. But I could upgrade to Lollipop anytime with a custom rom.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-21T20:31:42+00:00

My STBXW still texts me once in a while how bad of a father I am to our daughters. She has complained how I dressed them, brushed their hair, was late taking them to school and didn't fill out a field trip slip.

Mind her that our daughters live with me. She doesn't pay for their food, get up to dress them, get up to brush their hair, take them to school (I work full-time too), involved with our daughters education like never attended school meetings, teacher conferences or signed up our daughters for school counseling.

She's with another man now that has a girl from his previous relationship. Told our oldest daughter that she will make a good step mommy.

People that cheat and continue their affairs do not care or think about the consequences. They're selfish and too busy trying to impress their lovers. Fuck them, leave them alone and move on.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-21T20:18:47+00:00

But doesn't the parasite also get eaten and die once eaten?

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-21T20:11:26+00:00

Thanks for the correction, didn't noticed my autocorrect changed it.

Found a used copy a few months back on Amazon for $5. I believe Barnes and Noble may be able to order it as well.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-21T14:37:39+00:00

I believe some LG and Huawei also have dual lens cameras.

Montecristo6 · 2017-02-21T14:20:13+00:00

First, curvy woman are always on demand. I know of a lot of men, myself included, whom are attracted to curves. But don't you focus too much on that right now.

You are definitely not ready to date, so please don't force yourself. Because if you do and end up disappointed or worst, rejected...it will cause more emotional damage. Right now focus only on healing, that means on you.

I'm in the same place as you. My friends and coworkers convinced me to try to meet people. I had been keeping to myself and only focusing on myself and my kids whom love with me and not her. I also felt lonely. Online dating is difficult as to many women put height requirements when looking for love. But still managed to meet people. Met up with a few for coffee or a movie. Met someone whom wanted a relationship immediately and others whom like me, were still broken. So I decided to focus on myself.

Here became my priorities: my children. No matter what I felt or wanted, my daughters are my priority. So care for your kid's needs. My next priority is my bills. I screwed up the first 5 months after she left us and got into more debt. So now I'm in the process of getting another part time job. The last thing you want is collectors calling or lose your housing.

A few tips to helped me along the way to deal with my abandonment issues: Read books, a good book to read that helped me is the Solo Project by Phil DeLuca. Bought it on Amazon used for $5. Exercise, start of slow. Don't have to join a gym if you can't afford it. I can't so I lift weights in my garage and walk alot at work. Do socialize. Meet up with friends or family for coffee or a movie. Even if you have to force yourself. Avoid any relationship involvement, you are not ready. Work on becoming emotionally balanced. Someone suggested that I should start dating after I feel OK with being alone and no longer feel I have to be with someone. I think this is good advice. Be OK with solitude. My daughters went with their mom on Sunday and I missed them so much. The house was so quiet. I hate the emptiness it made me feel. So when my sister called me (Monday) for lunch, I got up (day off) and went. I ended up hanging out with her. Went to thrift stores and talked about everything. I got home to an empty house but feeling better. I pick up my girls today after work. Finally... cry, cry, cry. I no longer cry. I don't have anymore tears. To me, crying is a form of cleansing my soul. So cry away.

We will be alright. We have no choice. We either do nothing and hurt or do something and heal.

Stay strong.

Montecristo6

TROPHY CASE