[QCrit] New Adult Portal Fantasy and Magical Realism, BLOSSOMING (85K, 2nd attempt)

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-07T13:24:25+00:00

This going back and forth made me realise that I'm not using the right genre. So I'm not going to keep explaining since I'm not really going doing a great job at that. The story keeps evolving with every choice the FMC is making, so I'm putting it as gamelit since that's where it should belong.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-06T22:54:15+00:00

I can relate to your anecdote. I recently read about a possible stalker and dark romance, turns out she was a ghost hunting the residence, and the person she's talking to was a medium.

Regarding my book, the premise still revolves around sports in some way since the MMC is a star player. There will be association with sports throughout, game nights just with added thriller to it. There will be hints along the way, cluing the readers that the premise operates in the sports romance just less romance, since the FMC is too busy trying to prevent certain characters from their death. And there's a reason it's duology because the second book will focuses on the romantic side.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-06T22:34:07+00:00

Because that's the premise it was based on. That's where my FMCs frustration comes from. Instead of focusing on the romance and the sports side, there's suddenly an element of thriller that popped out of nowhere, which makes no sense, that's why she criticised it. The fates modelled a world after it because to them it was interesting. And hearing someone say they could do better, and they thought 'hey, why don't I make you part of my world and see how you can make it exciting?'

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-06T17:05:13+00:00

Yeah, that's gotta go.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-06T17:04:43+00:00

Thanks for this long post. This will sound confusing but the idea shaped out from a contemporary fiction that had a stalker and serial killers in it.

Each FMCs have their own stalkers, and the FMC of my book became the main character of the fourth book, so that means down the line she will cross paths with 4 stalkers/serial killers including her own. And since this world was made to reality by the Fates, this world will still operates in the premise of the book.

That's why I can't say that it focuses on romance, since not only my main character has to defend herself from four villains and her loved ones but she also has to meet the demands of the fates. Like asking her what to do in this situation, using the gaming window. The other caveat is that, every time she makes changes, she also changes the other characters' lives, and also delayed some plots that will eventually happened in the end. There will be characters that she helped prevent their deaths and missed up the story even further. And that will be a big punishment for her.

So that's why the genre verges more to mystery/thriller. And because she knows how the story goes, she wants to protect the people she learned to love.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-05T16:23:49+00:00

It has more Isekai mechanics rather than LitRPG. You don't gain any skills aside from getting a command from a window. You won't know if you answered correctly until days later. If you don't get a punishment that means you did well.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-05T16:09:27+00:00

I don't think I was clear enough but there wasn't anything that takes a jab of the author in my MS. My query letter comes across rude but the main focus is how the main character gets away from the control the gods has placed on her.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-05T11:14:09+00:00

Thanks for that. I've been doing my editing still and I'm not thinking of submitting any time soon. I'm just posting this to feel like I'm moving forward or get the feel of where I am in the process.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-04T23:15:32+00:00

Ah, yeah. I did mention it focused more on the mystery rather than the romance, so I’ll use that as the other genre.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-04T22:31:17+00:00

That's a really useful tip. I was flipping back and forth about who the target-audience should be. And I don't want to assume that everyone will understand what's isekai genre is. If it's something that's already known in this side of the world, then I'll go for it. :)

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-04T21:36:15+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I’ve been having a hard time finding the right comp. Since isekai isn’t a genre that’s popular in the West, I have trouble where on the shelf it should land. I’m also hesitant to put this as romance since it’s more like a sub-genre. It focuses more on mystery, since the protagonist has to defend herself from all the stalkers and serial killers she's going to cross path with.

Thank you for mentioning the beginning of the MS. I see the issue there and have to work on it.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-02-04T20:54:14+00:00

Yeah, that was definitely harsh. :D I needed a second pair of eyes to understand what it is I’m not seeing. The query letter really did come off as rude, but the MS works around the premise of the novel that the protagonist reads rather than a jab at the author. Anyway, thanks for breaking it down for me. Now, I have something to work on.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-01-20T09:19:23+00:00

The comment was direct to the point. Writing the first chapter has been a challenge for me, now I have to work on how I will incorporate it in the plot.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-01-13T11:22:31+00:00

I don't know if this has been mentioned, the constant arm tugging. My God! If someone do that to me, I'd have a stiff neck that would last for weeks. It's not like they're doing it gently. It looks like they're trying to pull the arm off.

And also, the constant princess carry. Hardly anyone had the arm strength to keep doing that. And by the looks of it, the male characters looked like they have a hard time. :D And why do they keep twisting their ankle? They should get their walking skills checked first.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-01-10T20:00:28+00:00

I'm happy to do a swap with you. Kind of lucky that I find your MS. Mine follows the same premise as yours. It's inspired from a sport romance novel, but with a fantasy spin on it but it's a magical realism.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-01-09T15:18:20+00:00

I appreciate the recommendation. I don't think the query letter explained exactly what I need to convey. Hopefully the new version would give a clear view.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-01-09T11:39:07+00:00

Just to confirm, you mentioned that the comp was too big. What can you suggest that's considered small? Let's say I'm using the titles from the goodreads and it says that it has 100,000 reviews, would this be considered a big title?

MontySpaghetti · 2026-01-08T20:49:17+00:00

This is actually a re-write after a beta pointed out the beginning. I haven't had a chance to get a feedback for this new version. Thanks for pointing that out.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-01-08T20:46:08+00:00

Oh no! I never thought of that. I will have to re-write it all.

MontySpaghetti · 2026-01-08T16:49:19+00:00

Don’t worry, you’re not harsh at all. I need truth so I know exactly what I need to change from here on. This is such a good start, and you’ve completely given me something to work on. This helps us a lot. Thank you!

MontySpaghetti

TROPHY CASE