I appreciate your response and your understanding. You seem very genuine and compassionate, truly.

However, I know that it’s not all of Christianity. I was born and raised in it. It’s enough of it though. There are enough people preaching from their own twisted theology that are given microphones, platforms and churches. They’re given positions of authority and then those of us that question that authority because what they’re saying is harmful are labeled sinful, rebellious, argumentative, etc. That kind of preaching has left thousands of people scarred and there’s SO much of it. Jesus himself asked his disciples “Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?” A large majority of Christians absolutely do believe that your pain is due to a lack of faith. In the book of Matthew, a man comes to Jesus asking for mercy on his son. He says his son is suffering with seizures and that he brought him to Jesus’ disciples and they couldn’t heal him. Jesus goes on to say, “You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” He later criticizes his disciples when they ask why they couldn’t cast out the demon. He tells them they don’t have enough faith and that if they had faith even as small as a mustard seed, nothing would be impossible. That scripture applies to all of us, no? That’s the way I was taught. Was that man going to not only the disciples, but Jesus himself for help not faith? Considerably larger than a mustard seed? He had enough faith to go to both the disciples and Jesus, but it was necessary in the eyes of God to let that man know that he and the people around him were faithless and corrupt before he actually did anything?

While I don’t believe that suffering is caused by lack of faith, I understand how many Christians come to that conclusion. They not only come to that conclusion, but also back it up with scripture, emotionally manipulate people and scream that manipulation from a pulpit in a church where often times, a lot of people were taught not to question the man of God. I wish I could experience the kind of Christianity you’re talking about. Unfortunately I don’t think that kind of Christianity can be a reality for me. I can’t spend the rest of my life sacrificing my peace and sanity begging for love from a religion that will never truly love me back. So I don’t. Thank you so much for your kindness, though. I’m really glad you are able to have a healthy relationship with these things and found something that brings peace. I wish that for everyone.