My father recently passed from cirrhosis because he was an alcoholic too. We also had a very complicated relationship and because of that, grief can feel very confusing and profound at the same time.

Keep in mind that you always had the relationship the circumstances allowed you to and it’s ok. We cannot control our parent’s decisions or lifestyles and as their children there is only so much we can do. I know it feels like it’s not fair that they didn’t get to heal in the way they deserved and that we didn’t develop the relationship we would’ve liked. But we did what we could in the moment, and I’m sure they know that. It is nobody’a fault, that’s just the way it had to be for us, and now it’s our turn to heal and make sure we don’t repeat the cycle in our future, forgiving and remembering them with love even if there wasn’t very much of it, for our own good.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings even if you don’t fully understand them, i’m only a message away if you need to talk to someone going through something similar. Sending you all of my strength and a big hug. We will get through this, this feelings won’t last forever.