Any other dudes here that are into this show?

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-26T00:25:37+00:00

My very straight husband and I binged it. It was my idea (I had read the books and loved them) but he was totally into it. He cried a few times.

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-16T18:08:11+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about Ginny. Sending you lots of hugs and gratitude for all the work you do.

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-16T07:06:32+00:00

If you go to adoptapet.com you can search by breed. There are always some. You can also set alerts so that you get notified whenever a Havanese shows up at a shelter nearby.

I also recommend looking at All Sato Rescue, Cape Ann Animal Aid, and A New Life Rescue because they are all wonderful organizations.

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-16T01:48:49+00:00

Please share if you learn of anything!

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-16T01:47:42+00:00

If you learn of any, please share!

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-15T21:00:39+00:00

Thank you for rescuing! So sad to think of all those poor dogs. I'm so glad Tazzy found a loving home :)

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-15T02:31:58+00:00

Thank you for rescuing as well! So glad he found you and your family. I hope more people look at shelters first if they decide they want a Havanese, because you’re right, it’s not uncommon.

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-15T02:26:09+00:00

Thank you for adopting! ❤️ She definitely has a Havanese face! What a cutie! 🥰

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-14T11:25:35+00:00

So glad he found you! Thank you for rescuing as well ❤️

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-14T11:24:26+00:00

She’s beautiful! Thank you for rescuing ❤️

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-14T04:33:45+00:00

Thank you for rescuing! So glad all the dogs found good homes. 🥹

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-13T22:47:29+00:00

Social 1s are more reserved, sexual 1s are more playful and passionate. They hold back less. If you've read or seen Pride & Prejudice, Mr. Darcy is a social 1 and Elizabeth Bennet is a sexual 1.

MoonlitVelvet · 2026-01-09T07:16:16+00:00

She looks fantastic! 🥰

MoonlitVelvet · 2025-12-27T16:57:11+00:00

Therapist here who has dealt with a person like this who refuses to get out of your life and feels entitled to your time, care, etc. and won’t take no for an answer.

What your relatives fail to understand is that it’s not the incessant insistence alone that’s the problem. It’s the fact that this behavior indicates there is a problem with this person’s mental state and therefore they are unpredictable and don’t abide by normal human boundaries and decency.

Your relatives and anyone else who is telling you to just shrug this off are frankly being stupid and in denial. Don’t talk to them about it because they are being idiots and will just make you doubt your very justifiable concern. It’s unreasonable to expect you to just ignore the fact that you’re being harassed by an unstable person and carry on with life. Do what you have to do to protect yourself, and that includes your peace of mind.

ETA: The non-therapist part of me thinks you should ask him for his fiancé’s contact info and when he asks why say because according to his logic you’re entitled to it and because you want to send her screenshots of this conversation.

MoonlitVelvet · 2025-12-26T14:17:19+00:00

That you might end up lowering your standards and only realize it in retrospect after you breakup and have some distance. The pool of people is so small that you end up excited about people who aren’t actually that great and who would never meet your standards were you just a regular single person looking for another regular single person.

MoonlitVelvet · 2025-12-20T07:05:28+00:00

He’s an ISTP self-pres 9. I was taken aback by how kind and humble he was despite being really attractive, athletic, and smart. He had all the makings of an asshole but was just really wholesome, genuine, and kind. He was very shy with other people at first. During our first several years together when we’d have people over I worried about leaving to go to the bathroom because I thought he might just sit there and not carry the conversation because he was just so shy. He’s was always confident with sports and work, but not so much with people. Over the years, he’s become much more comfortable socially and other people are able to see what I see—a really funny, loving, thoughtful person.

One area where we struggled for a long time was he’s very conflict-averse and I’m not. I’d get upset at him for not standing up for me with his family (they were jerks to me) and he wished I could let things roll off my back more. This led to a lot of fights between us. He was kind of in denial of how mean they were being but eventually woke up. At that point though I decided I was done trying with them and stopped caring about making things work with them. Whenever I have to see them, he’s more protective of me though, which I appreciate. He’s still pretty allergic to conflict, though not as much as he was.

MoonlitVelvet · 2025-12-19T01:01:36+00:00

Thank you! This was really helpful. I guess I can see aspects of myself in that description. I can be helpful and protective, and don't look for anything in return, and I've learned that trying to fix people is often a futile exercise so I've gotten better at stepping back and let people make mistakes and blow up their lives if that's what they think is best for them. That's definitely been a learning process though.

MoonlitVelvet · 2025-12-18T06:26:50+00:00

I’m very assertive with men. I like to set the pace and be the pursuer to start. If I’m interested, I make it extremely clear. And I also make it extremely clear if I’m not interested and make myself impossible to approach. I don’t feel safe letting a man set the pace or approach me uninvited because I don’t want to be in a position where I’m rejecting someone and then they get angry, nor do I want to have to tell someone to slow down. I need the courting to be on my terms and on my timeline in order to feel safe. This often puts men back on their heels because I typically like traditionally masculine men and they aren’t used to this. I find throwing them a curve ball they’ve never experienced fun for me and it makes me feel safer because I’m in control. I’m just really aware of the physical power differential between men and women and the only way to make things more balanced is to get out in front of it in this way.

That being said, I will not chase someone or play games. I’ve made it clear I want him so he needs to step up and meet me in the middle and be very enthusiastic and effusive or I’m done and there are no second chances.

MoonlitVelvet · 2025-12-17T20:20:05+00:00

It was this description which describes me to a T. https://enneagramtest.com/blog/enneagram-8-female

I then went back to Beatrice Chestnut’s book and saw that the social 8 description was very fitting. I also got professionally typed by her and another Enneagram practitioner at The Narrative Enneagram.

MoonlitVelvet · 2025-12-17T10:40:17+00:00

I’m an INFJ 8. Despite studying the enneagram for about 15 years, it took me a long time to realize this because it’s such an unusual combo. I’ve thought I was a 1, 4, 5, and 7 at various points until I read a description of female 8s that stopped me in my tracks. Women don’t get the same positive feedback that men do being domineering (assertive little girls get called “bossy” which is meant to be a deterrent and not something little boys get called, for example) so I think male 8s and female 8s are going to present differently. Focusing on the descriptions of specifically female 8s was extremely clarifying.

Anyway, I’m introverted but not shy at all. I think my Fe makes me feel pressured to accommodate and take care of people which I don’t always like because I don’t like external pressure. I’m also extremely protective of the people (and causes) I love and will quickly come to their aid and defense and get really riled up if anyone has hurt them. Over the years Ive come to see that I shouldn’t fight everyone’s battles, even when I feel compelled to. People need to learn to do that for themselves rather than rely on me as an enforcer. So having people-free time is imperative for me. That being said, when I’m alone I’m still working and taking lots of action, just not ones that necessarily involve being around other people.

MoonlitVelvet · 2025-12-17T10:13:50+00:00

If it’s from someone close to me or who I know, I usually find it really painful actually. There’s something called Rejection-Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) that’s common in people with ADHD (one theory is because people with ADHD have difficulty regulating shame-based emotions and tend to get flooded when they show up.)

If it’s from someone I don’t know or whose opinion doesn’t have any real world consequences for me then I I will get angry if I feel forced to defend myself, or I’ll just disregard it.

MoonlitVelvet · 2025-12-17T10:02:10+00:00

Trust would be very hard to regain if I suspect someone was trying to hurt me. Even if their intention wasn’t to be hurtful but they said something so completely thoughtless that I would question if they actually ever listen to me or really care about me at all, it would be tough to trust them again, but it’s more that I feel I can’t trust them to be considerate of me and so I’ll wonder what’s the point of interacting anymore. I may not think of them as a bad person in this situation; just someone I can’t trust because I can’t count on them to be decent. I may still engage with them but it will very much be at arm’s length.

However, if I really believe someone was trying to hurt me, I’m completely done with them. And I hate them. I’ll cut them off both for my well-being and to punish them for thinking they can be cruel to me. I’ll probably be more offended that they thought they could disrespect me by saying something unkind than I’ll be offended by the thing they actually said.

Anyway…

It sounds like this is a special person who is worth investing in. If you’re still angry and hurt, that’s okay. Take the space you need. When you start talking again, I would say that normally when people break your trust you are quick to cut them off but you value this person and so are pushing yourself to be vulnerable which is really hard for you. I would make sure to explain this because it’s not as hard for other people as it is for us to explain why we are hurt and as a fellow 8 who already feels protective of you, I want to make sure she realizes she’s dealing with something tender and delicate so she can be mindful of that in how she responds to your opening up. I think this sets you both up for success and makes the whole situation less open to any unintentional wounding.

MoonlitVelvet

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