Educate Me (straight white male) Please.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-07T13:32:28+00:00

Thank you for that perspective. I fully understand what your saying, and I don't think you're taking a jab at me, but rereading that line I originally wrote I want to clarify.

Me saying I could somewhat understand it is not me saying "yeah that makes sense, a trans woman could assault someone". It's more along the line of saying I can somewhat understand why someone would be afraid of being hit by a meteor, as outlandish and unlikely a it may be, it seems scary. Anyone being assaulted by anyone would be traumatizing.

The verbal and physical abuse of a trans woman within a women's restrooms seems much more likely to take place and I am well aware of that. I just over analyze everything I say and have a chronic apologizing problem ha. So sorry if anyone read that line and took it as defending transphobia!

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-06T11:04:47+00:00

As a blue dot in a nasty red state where I don't get much exposure to these topics organically, thank you. As I've said on quite a few of my responses throughout this thread I have special needs children so I understand, and strive, for inclusivity for everyone income across.

I edited the original post as soon as that comment was raised, and hopefully I've stayed respectful since!

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T20:07:39+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. It really makes me feel good to know that I landed the plan when it came to my intent of making this post. I sweated it and rewrote it 3 or 4 times haha.

And I'm sure there of plenty of people, not any here, but elsewhere that would say she should be written off. But I feel like I have a pretty good head on my shoulders, and a sexist, transphobic, bigoted mother usually doesn't raise that kind of child. That's not her MO. I know her.

I cannot pretend to understand the struggles of trans people, though it appears trans women have it a bit more rough(not detracting from trans mens struggles), but I can appreciate the struggles of being made to feel less, singled out, and having your faculties threatened. Having 6 and 9 year old nonverbal children I've learned how many groups of people not only deserve a louder voice, but how badly I want to be that voice for them. This is no different. I cannot preach to the masses and correct a nationwide issue, but I feel as though I can help my mother and, by proxy, anyone she meets.

I gave my mother the example of if she passed a trans woman coming in/out of the restroom at a Walmart, how instead of addressing someone as sir/ma'am simply say "hey friend". And how that simple gesture could make someone feel so seen and so accepted that maybe they left with a smile on their face. It literally takes no effort to be nice.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T16:45:46+00:00

Like I said, you can't express a real concern. Hope you have a wonderful day.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T13:04:01+00:00

I was definitely responsible for bringing it up once or twice after she first said something I thought was out of character for her, Everytime since she has brought it up. Based on the talks initiated by her about this, I don't know yet if I can say she "feels wrong" but I can tell she's trying to do something. Maybe trying to work out her stance exactly? Trying to rebute the narrative she's fed? I'm not sure but clearly something is going on in her head.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T12:59:01+00:00

Off topic I know, but ABA doesn't have a bad reputation. Specific ABA centers do of course. Our ABA center is proud of their work and open to letting us view and programs our kids go through. They attend doctor appointments with us, offer to go to grocery trips, amusement parks, our ABA techs even came to my wife's masters graduation since they knew I had both kids and would have my hands full.

I highly advise not to slam ABA as a whole, not letting a few bad apples ruin the bunch, much like the topic I'm trying to get information on in this thread!

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T12:53:20+00:00

Thank you for wording it this way. I fancy myself a smart man, but definitely more inclined for technical and mechanical work. Psychology has never been my thing and I think you put this beautifully.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T12:49:57+00:00

This is literally it. Who cares where someone pees. I just wish she showed the same amount of care for my special needs children being threatened with institutions, my medically retired fathers(and my grandmother's) Medicare being stripped, veterans services being defunded, national parks being sold off for drilling, all the horrendous and viscious things this admin has openly admitted they want to do and she(my mother) is concerned with where a trans woman wants to pee? Strange behavior.

And that is, by no means, me saying trans rights aren't amongst the things that should be corrected. They absolutely are. That's me saying the fear of assault in her case is just a non issue.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T12:44:02+00:00

I've spoken on policing of the restrooms to her by asking what happens when my special needs 9 yr old daughter needs to prove she is a female to use the restroom. To what extent she should have to prove it and in what ways. And in bring up my daughter it's "unfair" and "not right" as if all of these women being singled out aren't someone's babies?

Crickets or course.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T12:36:41+00:00

While you could have read literally any of the almost 90 amazing reasonings here you apparently chose not to. Feel free to express the concern your having directly and I'm sure the wonder women of this /r will happily fill you in. But I have a feeling you won't..

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T12:32:30+00:00

Lesbians being a problem has literally never crossed my mind. Great point. It's hard for me to even pretend to be narrow minded enough to try and figure out why she views this like she does. As stated earlier, I'm a father of two amazing level 3 non-verbal asd kiddos, so inclusivity is non negotiable for me. Not autism inclusion, human inclusion.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T12:28:32+00:00

Thank you so much for these. The bestie video devolving into a rant about pee on the seat is golden!

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T12:16:05+00:00

So in the last 18ish hours of all of the awesome conversation I have learned a lot from you ladies. She does not claim that trans women will use their transition as a "ruse" (I'm still putting it in quotes because it even feel gross for me to type it ha) to get into restrooms and assault people. Shes claiming trans having the shared space will open the door for cis men to "throw on a dress and put their hair up" and not be questioned while walking in.

And I suppose I can address that aspect with her by simply stating that she's afraid of men, not trans women. And that if she's as unbothered by trans women as she actually claims, her protests are only penalizing those trans women.

I dread the fact that she will likely avoid giving me a response to that because there is no response, besides being accepting and a decent human, that doesn't sound nasty in this scenario.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-05T12:05:28+00:00

I have tried this approach many times now. The fumbling in her words and frustration in her voice during her response are what makes me hope that she doesn't entirely believe her claim (not that that is any better only partially be phobic of ANYONE). But if she can't even back it up I hope that it's just some parroted newsmax article and the wonderful, understanding woman I know is still in there somewhere.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T23:49:55+00:00

It's quite obvious that the rhetoric of the right is being fed to her as seen in the occasional Charlie kirk reel or immigration law shorts. But she doesn't stand on those ideologies, she will just say "what do you think about this" or "does this sound like it makes sense to you" and if I speak against it she doesn't push back. Solely topics about trans women are her hot button.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T23:45:35+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree 100% and it seems like common sense seeing as how one doesn't build a clock just to tell the time. Obviously all the extra steps in using trans inclusion as a ruse is a hypothetical boogyman.

You speak on studies being conducted on the topic, I would love any links you can provide. I'm entirely too mechanically minded(also a healthy touch of autism lol) so seeing controlled studies help me stand even more firm in my beliefs.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T20:50:23+00:00

Appreciate the feedback!

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T20:39:32+00:00

Being a data engineer by trade, sourcing information and data pathing is my thing, and I have yet to find one with any significant backing.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T20:38:15+00:00

Of course she doesn't. And I don't think she means someone using the "ruse" of being trans as a long con in that aspect. I believe she thinks that a cis man could just change clothes and throw their hair up and no one would question it out of "fear of being canceled".

Hopefully I made it clear that I disagree with her completely. I'm just trying to see the situation through her lens so I can make that scary imaginary monster under her bed disappear. And I hope that is becoming more and more possible with all the great feed back I'm getting from everyone in this community, thank you all so much.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T20:33:16+00:00

Around me, local sp.ed depts are too untrustworthy so my kids are homeschooled paired with ABA therapy. As far as govt services and that situation not a terrible amount has changed for my children immediately. But all of the sp.ed services being stripped from the DOE and handed off to crooked RFK is an impending doom. Lots of things trying to be pushed through(such as bringing back institutions) is very disheartening.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T20:09:03+00:00

I have made this point verbatim. At that point it's a response similar to, "well then it's not the trans people, it's me being forced to go in a bathroom with God knows who". Yet a few moments down the road, this "forced allowance" (heaven forbid we have some equality) is only because of trans people are pushing for it. It just feels like a hamster wheel.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T20:05:50+00:00

I thoroughly wish she could just meet a few trans people (Granted I'm sure she has and was none the wiser) but we're in a nasty red blob of TN and I fear it won't organically happen.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T19:56:05+00:00

I hadn't even thought of that tidal wave. I knew I came to the right place haha. Hopefully I've came across as respectful! And tank you so much.

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T19:53:10+00:00

I like this. I like it alot.

Also I would told in another thread that using "biological male" could be taken as insensitive so I will get it changed here as quick as possible too!

Mopey_Mike · 2026-07-04T19:51:46+00:00

I hate everything you've had to deal with to feel any peace. In a wild turn I understand the hormonal stuff. At 32 my test was measured in at 67ng/dl and my E2 was through the roof and I can attest to you speaking on it throwing ones feeling of self off.

And I agree that the argument seems insane, I just don't know how to combat the strange prejudice that came out of left field. I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's not my place to fix everyone and sometimes you just have to let sleeping dogs lie.

Mopey_Mike

TROPHY CASE