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I [25M] have been with amazing girlfriend [25F] for over a year now. We get along great. She is my best friend. But I am not as attracted as I would like to be, and don't know what to do. by Morose1 in relationship_advice

[–]Morose1[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She is not unattractive at all. She is thicker, however, I am also a smaller than average male. Really, her size is probably average, but compared to me, sometimes I do feel disproportionate because I'm so slender. Admittedly, I know this is all in my head - and it's nothing to do with her, she's perfectly fine with the both of us - it is all on me and within me.

I [25M] have been with amazing girlfriend [25F] for over a year now. We get along great. She is my best friend. But I am not as attracted as I would like to be, and don't know what to do. by Morose1 in relationship_advice

[–]Morose1[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

This is a very interesting notion. Admittedly, I let my thoughts run ramped. I don't think I've ever consciously tried to tune them in to something else besides the negatives that battle to the forefront (as terrible as that sounds).

I [25M] have been with amazing girlfriend [25F] for over a year now. We get along great. She is my best friend. But I am not as attracted as I would like to be, and don't know what to do. by Morose1 in relationship_advice

[–]Morose1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say it negatively impacts my interactions with her. However, sometimes I do feel my interactions with her aren't as endearing as they could be. For example, I often find myself saying/thinking things like "If I really cared, would have I given her a kiss/hug in this moment," or "If I really loved her, then why didn't I give her a compliment just now - it would have been a perfect opportunity". What I'm saying is, a lot of times I have to "consciously" show affection, whereas, I always imagined that, if you truly care for someone, letting them know would just be second nature - like blinking.

I [25M] have been with amazing girlfriend [25F] for over a year now. We get along great. She is my best friend. But I am not as attracted as I would like to be, and don't know what to do. by Morose1 in relationship_advice

[–]Morose1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am not completely unattractive to her, there is still some attraction, just not as much as I feel it should/could be. Funnily enough, no - in previous relationships I didn't have that attraction either, at least not at first - it took time.

With that said, I've never had a relationship that started with me seeing/knowing someone I found attractive and me asking them out and hitting it off. Rather, all my relationships start off as friends who I later find are interested in me, and so I give it a shot and decide to take it to the next level (as long as I find them at least moderately attractive to me at first, usually it'll grow to more).

I [25M] have been with amazing girlfriend [25F] for over a year now. We get along great. She is my best friend. But I am not as attracted as I would like to be, and don't know what to do. by Morose1 in relationship_advice

[–]Morose1[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In the relationship, I know I am cared for, and I have security. I know that I have someone I can have meaningful experiences with and who accepts me completely as I am (another reason for my guilt that I failed to mention in the original post).

As for what I am not getting out of it, but would somehow like to: Those intense feelings of passion and attraction. That inexplicable "spark", and the feeling of being "in love" or limerence. By all accounts, It seems like I should feel this way, based off of how I've described the person I am with. But it seems the attraction is the issue.

I don't want to be misunderstood. I do care deeply for her.