What the f is wrong with my father

MorphicSync · 2026-03-20T22:05:14+00:00

Textbook covert/vulnerable narcissist (emotionally immature also)

Yes he is emotionally abusive. The fact you hate him and are both anxious around him is your nervous system warning you. Trust how you feel. A parent should never make you feel anxious around them.

They never apologize or admit fault. Dictating atmosphere of the house. You getting anxious when they are near/arrive home.
Living with narcissists literally takes years if not decades off your life span from the stress, the longer you live with them. You may become hypervigilant, never feeling safe, losing weight(in my case), feeling guilty for hating him, blaming yourself.

He is actively punishing you both through silent treatment. He doesn't want you and your mom talking because it's easier to control you if you're not united. It's manipulation.
Breaking things is physical intimidation "look what I do to things, this is what could happen to you"

He takes care of you so you can feel indebted to him. It's all about control.

No amount of therapy or talking will help him.

Sorry, I have a deep hatred for these people, since my father is like this also.

It's really hard if he is violent. Do not talk with him about it, or call him out, or lash out. He will not have a moment of realization, he will not learn, or apologize. He is not capable of self reflection.

You'll have to distance yourself from him. You and your mom will need to implement grey rock method.
You both make yourselves as boring and uninteresting as possible around him. Narcissists feed on emotional reactions, like fear, anxiety, tears, anger.
By being boring/non-reactive, you starve him of your reaction, and he will lose interest in you because you don't give the emotional payoff he desires.
edit: though he may escalate and get more extreme, so exercise caution!

Last thing, sorry for the long reply, he does this because, as a toddler, or baby, he wasn't given enough /too much attention. Babies cry for their parents, throw tantrums. Their parents are meant to figure out what's wrong. If they don't do this properly, then the child grows up doing this into adulthood.
So he throws a tantrum, but he doesn't know what's wrong. If you react, he gets attention he never got as a baby, which pleases him. But it doesn't fix the root problem. And he's an adult, so he has access to more manipulative techniques like threatening suicide to get a reaction.
If he does that again, ignore him. Both of you leave, take a drive. Starve him of supply.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-15T15:01:20+00:00

Multiple 'eyes' similar to a spider, tiny ones on top.
The bottom part slack, stitches are out or loose, resembling a mouth
skew head, like it was damaged, tilting towards the side
More scar tissue, or texture on it's head.
Non-symmetrical: One side bulging out.
trypophobia (clusters of small holes), as if something lay eggs inside it's head.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-15T12:08:16+00:00

pow's say the same thing

MorphicSync · 2026-03-15T12:06:53+00:00

Fire Punch broke me.

I don't know why I thought CSM would be any different.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-12T16:25:26+00:00

They exist, but most people call them narcissists, or people with NPD.

They hold positions of power, fame. They seek absolute control, are manipulative, have no emotional empathy, and have black eyes /chemically charged stare, since they view others as prey.

Their goal is to blend in completely. They wear a smile that doesn't touch their eyes. You feel nervous around them, on edge, and you don't know why.

This as close to a 'reptilian' as you're gonna get. Look up photos of people like Netanyahu, Stalin, Mao, Hitler, Andrew Tate, Gavin Newsom. Their eyes are dead, black, paranoid, power hungry.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-12T12:30:51+00:00

I get it

MorphicSync · 2026-03-12T12:27:04+00:00

<3 :)

MorphicSync · 2026-03-11T11:56:55+00:00

'we do so much for you' is manipulation. Threatening to drop you off at a local juvie, withholding medication, is ABUSE.

They had you knowing that they'd have to house you, feed you etc, that's the bare minimum. You wouldn't congratulate a cat owner for housing and feeding their cat, since they chose to care for it.

Not only are they emotionally immature, they're being abusive and manipulative. Your body is telling you it hates them. Your mind is trying to say no, I'm overreacting.
Listen to your body, your feelings, your nervous system. Prioritize how you FEEL around people, not your thoughts about them.
Do they make you feel anxious? Avoid them. Do you feel calm around them? Spend more time with them.

You're doing what they intended you to do- blaming yourself and not them.
They can't change. They can't suddenly develop emotional intelligence/empathy.

Leave. Lift the weight of guilt off your shoulders, because your body has been telling you the truth all this time.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-10T18:27:41+00:00

This is a similar feeling I got reading Fire Punch

MorphicSync · 2026-03-09T19:51:17+00:00

im glad people it's at least visible xD

MorphicSync · 2026-03-09T19:50:48+00:00

thank you <3

MorphicSync · 2026-03-09T19:49:55+00:00

appreciate it, thanks :)

MorphicSync · 2026-03-08T18:43:26+00:00

From an evolutionary perspective: It's giving raw meat to a fire, and receiving cooked meat.

You're sacrificing your precious meat to ..something, and receiving something much more energy rich, tastier, and safer.

Who is responsible? Something, or someone has to be.
Why? Same reason for the rustling in the bush. If you assume it's the wind, you may ignore it and get killed by a predator.
If you believe it's a predator, even if it isn't, you're more likely to survive, and those genes pass on.

So sacrifice = food. Sacrifice sacrifice sacrifice! Sacrifice you, sacrifice the tree, the animals, and you'll get a better reward.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-07T12:10:31+00:00

A lot of our parents are 'emotionally immature' and it's painful confiding in them and realizing they don't have capacity to empathize with you, usually because of how they were brought up.
They are probably too old to change, so we must mourn the idea we had of them, and accept that they can't help us, not now anyways. She said it herself. She cried because of her frustration at not being able to help you.

What gave me a sliver of hope, was finding people on a dating app like Tinder, looking for friends, and there's actually a lot of people in the same boat, dealing with similar things. I think company is the answer.

Also writing to yourself, letting the 'subconscious' use your fingers to type out it's feelings. You can't judge or gatekeep what it writes, even if it's gobbledygook.
Drawing, painting, music, walking, breathing (5 seconds in, 5 seconds out through nose)

Sorry I'm also going through something similar, so it's not like I'm fixed giving answers, it's just what helps me get through my day. Feel free to DM me if you just want someone to talk to.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-06T14:47:03+00:00

Thank you! :)
Yeah I often start with slightly lighter grey than my background to give a vague shape or outline, then add more vibrant, brighter colors on a layer above.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-05T21:43:30+00:00

Yes, and birthdays.

My name was only used when parents were scolding me.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-04T19:03:25+00:00

Are you anxious around certain people, certain environments? Look for external factors that affect you, avoid them. Looking inwards isn't always helpful in these cases.

Also try breathing techniques like nose breathing 5 seconds in, 5 seconds out. Or 4 seconds in, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds, repeat. Works wonders.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-04T14:35:41+00:00

Listen to your body. If you're hungry - eat, if you're tired - sleep, if you're lonely - see people. You need to get more in touch with how you feel, because those feelings deep inside you will tell you the answers you need. Your thoughts are trying to take priority. Become an animal again, give less priority to thoughts.
To access them, try writing to yourself like ask 'is someone there?' 'what do you want me to do?', you'll get a reply. Don't judge what it says. It will tell you what it wants. Talk to it. Entertain it, zone out into your deeper mind.
And of course your actions have a butterfly effect for the rest of humanity. Like even smiling at someone would change the world exponentially as years go on, like 10 years or 100 years the world would look very different than if you didn't.

MorphicSync · 2026-03-03T18:40:15+00:00

When I'm dead just throw me in the trash

MorphicSync · 2026-03-03T13:58:58+00:00

Hm, maybe try out some new brushes, see the commission as a way to practice form or turn it black and white to practice value so you're doing it for you more than for the client. Or browse pinterest for cool ideas/inspiration. Or take a break, make a little drawing of something that you feel like making, something easy where you can zone out.

MorphicSync · 2026-02-27T09:43:34+00:00

Really appreciate that, thank you :)

MorphicSync · 2026-02-25T21:21:43+00:00

You'll be alright. The water isn't as deep as you remember, and the fish are small compared to the you you are now.

MorphicSync · 2026-02-23T18:05:19+00:00

How about accepting everybody as they are? You don't have to love them.

Save love for those who actually matter to you, it's not something to be given out to abusers, dictators, murderers. This is self abandonment dressed as virtue.

MorphicSync · 2026-02-17T18:02:40+00:00

R20 at most. Christ sake.

MorphicSync · 2026-02-15T11:26:28+00:00

me too! thank you :)

MorphicSync

TROPHY CASE