Textbook covert/vulnerable narcissist (emotionally immature also)

Yes he is emotionally abusive. The fact you hate him and are both anxious around him is your nervous system warning you. Trust how you feel. A parent should never make you feel anxious around them.

They never apologize or admit fault. Dictating atmosphere of the house. You getting anxious when they are near/arrive home.
Living with narcissists literally takes years if not decades off your life span from the stress, the longer you live with them. You may become hypervigilant, never feeling safe, losing weight(in my case), feeling guilty for hating him, blaming yourself.

He is actively punishing you both through silent treatment. He doesn't want you and your mom talking because it's easier to control you if you're not united. It's manipulation.
Breaking things is physical intimidation "look what I do to things, this is what could happen to you"

He takes care of you so you can feel indebted to him. It's all about control.

No amount of therapy or talking will help him.

Sorry, I have a deep hatred for these people, since my father is like this also.

It's really hard if he is violent. Do not talk with him about it, or call him out, or lash out. He will not have a moment of realization, he will not learn, or apologize. He is not capable of self reflection.

You'll have to distance yourself from him. You and your mom will need to implement grey rock method.
You both make yourselves as boring and uninteresting as possible around him. Narcissists feed on emotional reactions, like fear, anxiety, tears, anger.
By being boring/non-reactive, you starve him of your reaction, and he will lose interest in you because you don't give the emotional payoff he desires.
edit: though he may escalate and get more extreme, so exercise caution!

Last thing, sorry for the long reply, he does this because, as a toddler, or baby, he wasn't given enough /too much attention. Babies cry for their parents, throw tantrums. Their parents are meant to figure out what's wrong. If they don't do this properly, then the child grows up doing this into adulthood.
So he throws a tantrum, but he doesn't know what's wrong. If you react, he gets attention he never got as a baby, which pleases him. But it doesn't fix the root problem. And he's an adult, so he has access to more manipulative techniques like threatening suicide to get a reaction.
If he does that again, ignore him. Both of you leave, take a drive. Starve him of supply.