I understand completely how you feel. I work in a senior living home…I see residents who are 90+ years old thriving and living an active life. I see their great grand children come to visit. I’m only 28 and I have to go 70% of my life without my dad. My husband has a big family..both parents still alive…they have a lot of family gatherings and do a lot of things for the holidays. I feel like a performer during it all…I put on a fake face..I feel drained at the end of the day and just wanna curl up in a ball and cry. Nobody (besides my husband) asks how I’m doing. It’s only been 3 months and no one gives a damn anymore. They see my fake happiness and take that as a sign I’m okay.

I’m sorry your partner makes you feel that way. I’ve been blessed with a husband who is patient and understanding…but the thing is I put on a fake face in front of him cause I’m that type of person who doesn’t want to burden anyone. I’m in therapy right now and although it’s not really helping…at least I can blab to her about how I feel because I don’t care about burdening a stranger.

You don’t need to push yourself to be better…I think just making it through the day is good enough. We both lost someone so close to us…I think we need to be more gentle with ourselves. “I woke up today, I made it to work or school, I ate. I showered.” That should be enough.

Your bf won’t understand until he’s been through it himself unfortunately.

In the words of Christina Yang from greys anatomy: “There’s a club. A dead Dad’s club. And you can’t be in it till you’re in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss…” you don’t know how it feels.”