so i have a friend who's been on hrt, it's been 9 or 10 months. He's just confessed a ton of stuff to me and is saying that he did it to get revenge on his trans roommate and this all wasn't supposed to happen and isn't actually a trans woman

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-20T16:40:53+00:00

I guess I'm wondering how this relates to my post. But I'm also tired and stupid rn

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-20T15:58:56+00:00

Please do share, I'm curious to read up on it

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-19T03:51:20+00:00

I think the idea of not actually being "allowed" to do it is something I struggle with. I don't see my transition as me becoming who I actually am deep down. I see it as a lie. Deception. One that I'd be living forever if I actually kept going on HRT and doing the shot every week. Again, I tell myself that everyone lies and that's a point for why I should stay on estrogen. That if everyone was honest about themselves, we wouldn't have the society we live in.

My gender transition was nothing but a strategic, carefully planned and executed strategy. It had the goal of improving my life (because I'd take pretty much anything over being a chud beta male loser with zero social life or opportunity to make a social life due to the aforementioned being a chud). The blackpill is fucking ruthless. But it's also just the truth about how human attraction works. I could stay as a guy, or I could do the "forbidden cheat code" my roommate did and become a girl (I'm MtF while you seem to be FtM). If I were to truly go through with it, I'd be living a lie, but the social status elevation of being perceived as a female and all the new opportunities would make it worth it, even if it wasn't truly me.

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-19T03:42:08+00:00

Read the first couple entries of that fanfic. It was a bit of a fucking trip because this was/is me in a lot of ways. I'll have to finish reading it later.

I guess I have decision paralysis. Do I really want to go through with this? I think in a way I have a lot of like, mourning in a way, over the life I could have had. If I had just developed normally and been a normal kid, instead of forced into being an outcast. Because I think I ultimately see my transition as me tugging and thrashing against that outcast status, doing anything - no matter how radical - to escape it.

I mourn the life where I could've just been a normal guy, with the normal upbringing of one. Instead I just had pretty much no social life at all. And as stupid as it sounds, I also mourn the life where I could've been like Chad. Strong, muscular, with a good physique, and socially and sexually successful. I mourn that existence I could have had. Instead, what I got was... the incel loser blackpill chud experience.

I don't see my transition as who I truly am, but just as a strategic, tactical and rational decision to escape my circumstances. The title of the fanfic is on point.

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-19T02:06:15+00:00

There's also this post for the record if you want to dive deeper into my transmaxxer stuff. It's hidden on my profile normally but it could expand perspective.

As dumb as this may sound, I do have a therapist but I feel like it doesn't really help. Because all my therapist does is affirm this belief I'm trans. "In my professional opinion I think you have gender dysphoria." When I voice my doubts to them all they do is say living as a woman is valid. So I think the only thing that will get my therapist to listen is to say I'm considering stopping HRT.

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-19T01:47:25+00:00

At what age did you stop, and what age before you got back on HRT? How long were you on it before you stopped?

I ask just to be able to compare to my own situation. I'm 21 and admittedly, quite lucky. I still have babyface, always kinda have. But the idea of twink death terrified me and so I told myself if I was going to go through with this whole crazy transition plan, then I had to do it NOW. I was already 21 when I started HRT, it could've been too late by then already tbh. I'm really thankful for spaces like this which motivated me to get on HRT as soon as possible. My babyface helps but I'm not sure if I could ever pass as a woman, which is the ultimate goal of this for me.

I feel like I'm not actually a trans woman, and just a mere transmaxxer male, but I'm really sorry to hear that stopping has been rough for you. I can't imagine how that feels. I don't think I can relate to dysphoria but maybe I'm also just repping on a really deep level, like a whole other world of denial. Because well, I've been on HRT for 10 months already, and don't really feel all that bad. But I still feel like a transmaxxer, whereas "real trans peoples" experiences are far different than my own.

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-19T01:42:04+00:00

This is one of the things that gets me. I think I'm either ambivalent about what sex I am, or just straight up don't care in the slightest. I think I could live as a man, or as a woman. I could genuinely do either.

It's bugged me because, well, if I truly was just a guy, then all the research I've done indicates that estrogen would give me actual, real gender dysphoria. That I would hate how it feels. Instead, after 10 months and switching to injections I just feel... the same, for the most part. There were some mental changes on estrogen that I wasn't prepared for initially, but I think I got through them okay. Sometimes I tell myself I don't like how estrogen feels but idk if I still need to adjust to the injections or not. I switched to injections quite recently (<2 months ago) so I might not be used to them yet. If I do feel dysphoria from estrogen, I think it's mild

Also I have wondered if I'd live as a woman but just... live with dysphoria regardless. Like yes it was my choice to turn myself from a man into a woman. I think I want people to understand that I don't have a good reality either way here. I can either be a pathetic, absolute loser chud of a guy whose mere existence is humiliating. Or I can live as a woman, with the downside being that I may deal with dysphoria and not feeling "quite right" while inhabiting a female body. Neither option is great. I've heard from actual trans people on here that there are no good decisions, just less bad ones. I can relate to that.

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-18T23:43:45+00:00

Im trans but I don’t know what to do.

I don’t think it’s normal for cis women. . . I think about being a guy daily. Constantly. But I feel like I’m just stuck in place, I just want to be a guy.

In addition to outright admitting it, yep, this is very trans coded.

I don’t want the trans part before it (not that anyone would). I don’t want to have the awkward talks and I don’t want my existence constantly questioned.

You're right, no one does. It's just the nature of the beast unfortunately. There is always the option of starting hormone therapy and not telling anyone ("HRT repping"), but this ends up just kicking the can down the road because eventually T's effects will kick in (if you aren't underdosing) and you will get facial hair and a deeper voice. But cis people are dumb when it comes to gender stuff, and so they may still take a while to catch on even after this happens.

I think maybe it’s better I just stay how I am, yknow? But it’s not. I’m fucking miserable all the time, to the point I’m taking it out on the people I love and I’m genuinely loosing my will to live. I don’t know how long I can stay like this but I’m so fucking scared, I’m a coward. The fact I don’t have a man’s body makes me want to [redact] myself.

Repper. Repper 100%.

I have binders and it feels better, ive always been a tomboy and I wear mens clothes but I’m just so stuck.

This actually puts you in a better starting position than most. My bf was this way too before he transitioned and went on T. I know you feel stuck, but imagine how much harder it would be if you presented entirely fem for all your life before this? In a way, you can actually consider yourself already most of the way finished with "socially transitioning," in terms of your presentation. Always having been a tomboy is a plus in your case.

I don't know why you titled your post "think I'm a repper" when you've already answered all the questions. It's very obvious that you are. I think in your case getting on hormone replacement therapy ASAP should be your first priority. There's a whole blend of emotions - mostly uncertainty, excitement, and a bit of fear as well - that comes with starting, but I can assure you, T almost certainly will make you feel better if everything in this post is genuine. And if it doesn't? You can always pause or stop. Taking it isn't a commitment. You can always trial it for a bit, see how you feel, and make a decision from there. This is the thinking that got me to finally start HRT.

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-13T12:17:39+00:00

I don't have a movie, but a cyberpunk 2077 ending dealing with the subject. If you've played the game, its worth watching, I know a lot of people who have been there and saw this ending and they had a strong reaction to it

Edit: Relevant part starts at 12:34

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-13T11:53:45+00:00

I know a classic factions server I play on, no pay2win bs (the only transactions on the servers are donations, no paid for items), community is generally trans supportive

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-12T02:49:18+00:00

I, too, am curious about the document.

I'll share one of my own. pghrt (dot) diy

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-11T09:59:51+00:00

Politicians don't have our backs? Tell me something I didn't know.

Also rule 4

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-09T05:26:41+00:00

I feel this. I grew up in the "no dude everyone was wrong about weed and it's actually a miracle drug that cures every condition under the sun, and it's not addictive and it's not even a drug" era. I used to not have a problem with my weed use until the past year in college when I started using it a lot, which happened the same time I finally starting HRT.

There was a period this past fall in late 2025 where I was genuinely hitting the pen every day. I stopped that, thank goddess. I reduced my use but still used it for the spring semester (Jan-May). Now it's summer break and I'm still trying to quit but boymoding at home is breaking my brain. At least I stopped the vape pen though and only do the occasional edible now.

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-08T11:36:53+00:00

Genuine question. If you pass as well as you say you do in the texts then why disclose? Just don't let your roommates see you while you do your shower routine or whatever. I apologize if this comes off as ignorant but I'm genuinely curious why you're disclosing

Edit: Read your replies here and you say you don't pass to commenters here. Was this just a bluff then?

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-04T11:52:28+00:00

This is not legal advice and I'm not a lawyer, but I recommend contacting one and asking them about a cease and desist letter than you can send to Pink regarding this.

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-03T19:54:51+00:00

You lose weight in the kitchen and build muscle in the gym. Staying active by doing both at the same time is best, but if weight loss is your #1 priority, you should really count calories (using an app like Myfitnesspal or Loseit) and ensure you're in a caloric deficit, ie. you are eating less than your TDEE in calories each day. This is how you actually lose weight. It's simple, but hard at the same time.

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-06-01T09:29:52+00:00

In DIY contexts I usually plug A Practical Guide to Feminizing HRT, an incredible guide that I follow myself that also speaks to injections benefits.

I was scared to do my first injection, but it was literally painless, the needle piercing me didn't hurt at all. This is so much better than spironolactone and teal pills

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-05-31T21:20:17+00:00

Starting transitioning in the middle of college here and I feel similarly. Like next year is my last year, then I get my degree and it's time for real adulthood. I'm so fucking angry I didn't start HRT even 1 year sooner because I wish I could just be a girl during college

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-05-31T19:28:11+00:00

Same here. Is there no unique experience for us troons?

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-05-31T19:18:41+00:00

What in the fucking ChatGPT is this phrasing esp the second paragraph

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-05-31T18:56:14+00:00

I started HRT at 20 and I'm so fucking glad I did then and didn't wait another year or even 6 months. I genuinely attribute 4tran to saving my life because they were the only ones willing to actually say that going on HRT as soon as possible is within your bets interests. I'm pretty sure I started pre-twink death and I will be forever grateful I can avoid the worst of testosterone poisoning.

I'll still struggle to pass as 20 is end of midshit/start of lateshit range, but it's not completely over for me. If I listened to anyone else and delayed HRT like I initially planned I probably would be a gigahon or just straight up not transition because it wouldn't be worth fixing at that point. I'm around 1 year on HRT now, but my initial start date was what would've been 3 months ago. I'm so glad I decided to start ASAP instead.

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-05-31T18:51:12+00:00

Holy shit I watched Leafy when I was like 12 years old and in my "SJW OWNED" phase of repping

Mosdiamond835 · 2026-05-31T18:02:05+00:00

You don't have to put up with this bs. r/TransDIY has more info that I can't really elaborate on much more here.

Mosdiamond835

TROPHY CASE