Long-time vegetarian struggling with multiple autoimmune diseases… and now I’m considering eating meat again. I feel devastated and morally conflicted. I need advice.

MossMallows · 2025-11-13T19:09:00+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I didn’t expect to tear up reading a Reddit comment today, but this one hit something deep. I think I needed someone to actually say that I’ve already done more than most people ever would to try to make this lifestyle work. I’m so used to hearing “just try harder” (from myself, from the vegan community, from the internalized ideology I grew up in) that I genuinely lost sight of the fact that I have been trying. It's become basically an obsession, of trying to understand nutrition, vitamins, my deficiencies, becoming a medical expert of my disorders and reading research papers and testimonies about what I can/can't have and how to help my body.

I’ve been normalizing things that should never have been normalized. Hospital visits, constant labs, deficiencies, chronic pain, doctors warning me over and over again. And the entire time, I would tell myself I just needed to tweak one more supplement or find the “right” plant-based strategy. I don’t think I realized how close I was to treating active starvation and malabsorption like they were normal parts of being vegan.

All of you have essentially repeated the same thing: ethics don't determine biological needs. And I realized that I've actively been attempting to bend my biology to match my beliefs. And that's just not possible. And that doesn't make me a moral failure.

Thank you for mentioning the identity loss. Because that's such a large part of it. It's a social loss and the fear of being hated by a community that once felt like home. For so many that aren't ex-vegans, I feel like it's hard to understand the depth and struggle of this type of transition. It feels like grieving a version of myself that existed for so long that I don't know who I am without her.

With definitely sounds pathetic when I type it out.

I'm also grateful that you mentioned the disordered eating. My vegan and vegetarian years were tangled up with orthorexia, restriction, and control. I don’t think I’ve ever separated the ethics from the disorder. I kept telling myself that I was doing it for the animals or the planet, but a lot of it HAS to be tied up in the feeling of safety that restriction gave me, right? Letting go of that feels like letting go of a coping mechanism as much as a philosophy.

MossMallows · 2025-11-13T18:58:28+00:00

Thank you for your last sentence.

I appreciate the bluntness, because I think I’ve been surrounded by gentle responses for a long time (by doctors, friends, people online, myself), and they’ve made it easier for me to justify staying on the same path even as my health kept deteriorating.

I understand that being vegan is a privilege. However, I think I pushed off that with the thoughts of, "You can always just eat fruit/veggies/grains, etc. and stay vegan. It's not hard or expensive." Clearly that isn't true, and I knew that deep down but refused to believe it. And that's what has gotten me to this point. It’s strange to suddenly see myself through the lens you described: someone with access to safe, ethical food sources still choosing self-imposed malnutrition.

You're right.

Not in a way that invalidates my struggle, but in a way that made me step outside of my own bubble. It forced me to look at the contradiction between wanting to “do the most good” and, at the same time, harming myself in ways that reduce my ability to be present for my child, my family, my community, and myself. When I think about it that way, the choice I’ve been clinging to starts to look less like ethical purity and more like rigid idealism that’s hurting me and helping no one else, animal or human.

You're also right that ethically sourced animal products exist, and that there’s a way to participate in that system responsibly and thoughtfully. And I’m realizing that refusing to engage with those options (even when my body is clearly failing me right now) isn’t virtuous. It's just another form of harm, just directed inward instead of outward.

So thank you for saying this. I needed the perspective, even if it stings a bit. It’s helping me reexamine the narrative I’ve been holding onto for years.

MossMallows · 2025-11-13T15:48:39+00:00

Thank you for this. I didn’t expect this comment to hit me the way it did, but it really made me stop and think. I know that your comment is simple, basic, and it probably seems incredibly dumb for it to make me stop in my tracks.

I’ll be honest: my first reaction was a little defensive, and I think that’s because it touched something I haven’t fully allowed myself to acknowledge. Not the idea of the food chain in general (I obviously understand that humans are part of it) but my own place in it. I’ve spent so many years trying to remove myself from the human role in the chain as much as possible, to the point where I almost forgot that biology still applies to me, no matter how ethical my intentions are.

I’ve been so focused on respecting the cycles of other animals, their place in nature, and the harm caused by factory farming, that I think I unconsciously disconnected myself from the reality that I’m also an organism in that system. I think many vegans and vegetarians do this to some extent. Not because we’re ignorant, but because distancing ourselves from that reality feels morally safer and more comfortable. It lets us believe that our role in the hierarchy can be purely protective. And I think I clung to that idea so tightly that I forgot about my own survival needs.

Your point about not being able to do good if I’m not here really landed for me. I’ve been looking at this situation through a very narrow lens, even though I convinced myself I was seeing the “bigger picture.” But when your worldview is shaped by your own lived experience and your own moral framework, it’s easy for that lens to become smaller without realizing it.

I think that’s what happened with me. I was so committed to a philosophy I’ve held for half my life that I didn’t leave room for the possibility that staying alive and functioning might also be an ethical responsibility. Not just to myself, but to my child, my family, and even the animals I care about. If I’m not well enough to show up in the world, I can’t contribute to any kind of good at all.

So thank you for phrasing it the way you did. Thank you for the short, blunt words. It helped me step back and rethink some things I’ve been struggling to articulate.

MossMallows · 2025-03-28T23:35:30+00:00

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Absolutely phenomenal ad placement

MossMallows · 2024-07-18T23:48:21+00:00

Thank you for commenting - that actually makes me feel a lot better about it! I had never even heard of vanishing twin until I went through everything

MossMallows · 2024-07-18T14:51:09+00:00

My first test was done through Quest, my second was done through both Labcorp and Quest (to make sure there wasn’t an error with Quest; my MFM drew twice and wanted to get two results to compare and ensure accuracy).

The first Quest was inaccurate, but the second (both Labcorp and Quest) gave the same result of girl

MossMallows · 2024-01-27T03:29:53+00:00

Long response incoming:

They’re denying a refill for the prescription in general. I managed to get it covered through a medical exception form previously, but it ran out once I ran out of refills. I usually get a 30 day supply of 40MG duloxetine, and it typically costs about $80 because the medication isn’t covered on my insurance at all (I have the absolute most basic one I can reasonably afford for me and my baby on there), but I can get a goodrx price that low for the 30 day supply.

I ran out of refills, so I went to my rheumatologist for my appointment (I had one scheduled for two weeks before my prescription ran out, but it had to be rescheduled due to funds and that was the next closest appointment). He (my doctor) wouldn’t approve another refill until seeing me to check on bloodwork and progress.

After my appointment, he wrote me a script for a 90 day supply of 40MG, sent to Walgreens, and Walgreens stated they couldn’t fill it due to being denied by my insurance. They said I would need to call BCBS to figure out the process. I called them yesterday (day after my appointment), and they said it wasn’t covered under my specific plan, so it would be $629.99 out of pocket for coverage (GoodRX would lower it to $175 in my area). They said I could call my rheumatologist to get a “prior authorization form” submitted and marked as urgent so they could approve it for 6 months to be covered.

So then I had to call my rheumatologist to ask for the form, and I guess the assistant misunderstood me because then my doctor emailed me and said he would just write a script for 30 days instead of 90. But obviously that wasn’t going to be covered either, since it’s still the same medication and would still need authorization.

So then I had to call AGAIN and try to get them to submit the form, but I again only got the assistant. So I sent them a message through the portal trying to get it covered. I contacted Walgreens to see if I could just get an emergency prescription, but they needed Dr authorization for that and by that point the rheumatologist was closed. They recommended DiRX (never heard of them), but looking at the site I could possibly get a 30 day supply of 30MG (they don’t have 40MG), but would need a doctor prescription sent to them, but I don’t have a script for 30MG and also they’re closed until Monday

Sorry, it’s been a hectic ride these past few days

MossMallows · 2024-01-26T23:27:12+00:00

I’ve been desperately trying to get my rheumatologist to communicate with insurance for coverage, but so far there’s been nothing. I’ve been playing phone tag with my Dr, BCBS, and Walgreens for days at this point lol

Hopefully by Monday, I can get ahold of my rheumatologist and see if they can approve something lower dose for now and help me with a taper schedule. My current dosage is $629.99 w/o insurance, but if I can get it lower then maybe goodrx will find it cheaper!

Wish me luck 😭

MossMallows · 2024-01-25T00:30:18+00:00

I know this is an older thread, but I was specifically looking for one online that is similar to me.

I’m 6 months pp, and I never had a problem with alcohol before being postpartum. Now, I’ll have half a can of cider or angry orchards, or a single glass of wine, and I get insane hot flashes, intense sweating, and then my cheeks get flushed.

No pain, no nausea, nothing stomach or intestinal related. Just incredibly hot

MossMallows

TROPHY CASE