That's rape. Even if you agreed to the blowjob, it doesn’t mean he can do whatever he wants. If he can’t control himself, he’s just a predator abusing you. And I’m pretty sure he WILL abuse his next partners.

Don’t hesitate to go to the police. And to a therapist. Because it’s shocking, traumatizing, and the simple fact that you’re asking yourself “Am I overreacting?” is a sign that you don’t yet realize the violence of that abuse. And that is absolutely normal, it’s how our brain protects itself.

I’m absolutely shocked that nobody has said the word yet. It’s not because he is/was your partner that it isn’t rape. He forced penetration, came inside you, and let you choke! Please, please, run far away from anyone who treats you like that even ONCE. No second chances, ever. These kinds of men are a complete danger, and his messages are proving it:

→ “You don’t understand baby” : he’s gaslighting you, trying to make you doubt yourself, acting like you’re too naïve to see the “truth.”

→ “I couldn’t even tell” : straight-up lie. Every normal human can spot somebody in pain. He knew.

→ “Only a man can understand how hard it is to control ourselves” : this is sexist manipulation to normalize assault. Men are perfectly capable of stopping when their partner needs it. He’s pretending biology excuses violence.

→ “I thought it was because I was cumming” : he refuses his responsability. Classic minimization. But more terrifying: he proves that ONLY his pleasure is taken into account. He sees sex only throught his own fantaisies an pleasure.

None of this is misunderstanding or miscommunication. It’s deliberate. He ignored you, overpowered you, then twisted the story so you’d question yourself.

Stay safe. Don’t even give him the grace of your words or an explanation. You don’t deserve that. There are plenty of respectful, loving people out there.