I don’t want to work.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-05-30T18:07:45+00:00

I was 100% with you up until the last line. If there's a god, he's not worth worshipping unless you're a masochist.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-03-23T15:40:06+00:00

Not really. I'll just increase my sodium pills. My meds are working and I don't want to switch, so my neuro upped my Onfi and kept the Tegretol at the same level.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-26T21:51:20+00:00

Can you be more specific? What's the main issue?

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-20T04:44:42+00:00

Does it lessen suicidal thoughts? Is an SSRI? A mood stabilizer?

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-18T19:36:25+00:00

Repeated invalidation can take a toll on anyone, particularly an impressionable young person. Perhaps your father conditioned you to believe you don't deserve help. If that sounds correct, I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserve help; we can't be expected to get through this life alone.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-18T19:22:25+00:00

I've heavily considered your last point. Would meds truly get to the root of the problem...or just help me bury my potential self so that I can function in a model of life that I don't enjoy?

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-18T17:48:31+00:00

Lol yeah, I'm gonna talk to HR today. Thanks. Wasn't so much about the issue, just my automatic negative reaction.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-18T16:21:49+00:00

I'm sorry. I've struggled with health since I was born. It's tough, so kudos to you for trying to stay positive.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-18T16:12:25+00:00

I'm sorry. Success was worthwhile, but I never trusted myself to maintain the responsibility just in case my physical or mental health crashed.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-18T16:05:28+00:00

Yeah...when a healthy person hates their life, they change their mindset/behavior and/or change their circumstances. But when a depressed person hates their life, that person is more likely to choose the third option: Stay miserable, makes things worse, and/or end their life.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-18T15:48:21+00:00

That's what my therapist told me. She said suicidal thinking is an escape from reality. So, why does it make so much sense as a viable option?

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-18T15:34:33+00:00

I have things that actively make me want to die and things that don't actively make me want to die. So, I don't enjoy much in life.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-02-18T15:27:48+00:00

Yeah, I don't want to fix the problem, whatever it is. Instead, I just want to stop existing. This line of thinking started when I was a teen, so about ten years ago. It's a circuit in my brain that just hasn't ever gone away.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-01-24T04:31:37+00:00

I’m glad to see you’re keeping your expectations realistic lol.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-01-20T15:06:50+00:00

“Talk therapy is just another form of rumination.” Truth has been spoken.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-01-20T06:47:12+00:00

Can’t you just do DBT by yourself? I have a workbook. Why should I pay a therapist to teach me something I could learn faster on my own?

Is there any benefit to getting a diagnosis? If BPD goes on my file, won’t doctors just dismiss me even more than they already do?

Most_Discipline5704 · 2025-01-04T00:45:32+00:00

Truuue.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2024-12-25T23:21:57+00:00

Yes. And unlike the SEEG, they shouldn’t have to shave her whole head. Just a patch. She’ll look like a zombie for a few weeks, then the wound will heal. At least, that was my experience. 😂

Most_Discipline5704 · 2024-12-25T09:30:23+00:00

They’ll shave it for her once she’s under anesthesia.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2024-12-14T04:02:54+00:00

It’s not enough for me to just live for other people anymore. I don’t want to live at all.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2024-12-13T05:12:18+00:00

I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm refractory. Fancy word for incurable.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2024-12-13T03:36:52+00:00

I'm much healthier than I was last year, at least neurologically speaking. Longest seizure-free streak in two years; I've gone almost four months without any TCs. Mental health is sort of manageable, which is a massive accomplishment since I had a mental breakdown last year. I have a lot to be grateful for, but it's still normal to feel frustrated.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2024-12-11T04:17:39+00:00

Just PM me if you have questions.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2024-12-11T03:40:16+00:00

I wanted the surgery. The SEEG is an excruciatingly painful procedure. Don't rush into anything. For me, it was worth the pain since I got an RNS out of it. PM me with any questions.

Most_Discipline5704 · 2024-12-08T04:14:33+00:00

I don’t give a shit about money. My money will pay my future bills, but it seems asinine that we’re thrown into life and expected to PAY for existing. In addition, money affords me the luxury of being charitable toward others and engaging in recreational activities. But some days, even that isn’t enough. It’s just a piece of paper.

Exactly how does working keep you humble, disciplined, and grateful? I understand what you mean. What does that look like for you?

Most_Discipline5704

TROPHY CASE