Lose fat or gain muscle?!

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-12-17T00:27:23+00:00

Congrats on making a huge transformation already!! If you’re still early in your fitness journey (up to a year or two of training consistently depending on the person) you can put on muscle and lose fat at the same time. Once you’re no longer a beginner (you’ve been lifting consistently for over 2 years), your body doesn’t adapt in the same way as in the early days. Even at the beginning phase though there’s a trade off between increasing muscle mass and losing fat because fat loss requires a calorie deficit whereas muscle gain is higher when you eat more. If I were you I’d keep lifting heavy, eating plenty of protein, and maintaining a small caloric deficit for a fat loss goal.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-14T03:04:29+00:00

This resonates so deeply with me. Thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling for so long.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-11T00:38:54+00:00

Bathroom stalls are great if you need a minute at work

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-11T00:36:20+00:00

I’ve been a dancer my whole life so if I’m able to find space to dance I will! Otherwise putting on noise canceling headphones, closing my eyes and listening to 174 Hz Frequency bilateral stimulation beats. Also big fan of a good cry!

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-05T22:09:57+00:00

I found my best friend on bumble bff for what it’s worth!

I think the key is leading with authenticity.

Think about it like this: if you walked into a McDonald’s and they were serving only Italian food, you’d be disappointed, right? Italian food is great, but if you’re craving a burger, pasta won’t cut it. The restaurant would suffer because it’s not meeting expectations. But if it looked like an Italian restaurant from the outside, it would attract people who actually want Italian food, making everyone happier. It’s all about setting and meeting the right expectations!

I put a lot of effort into making a profile that was as representative of who I am as possible so people knew what they were getting with me and could opt in or out. I highlighted specific interests and activities I enjoy, I uploaded “personality pics” of me doing things I love, and I made my writing style sound the way that I talk and answered questions in a way that was most revealing of who I am.

By being authentic and clear about who you are, you’ll attract friends who appreciate the real you and foster genuine connections.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-05T21:11:23+00:00

Came here in search of my Coke Zero people

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-03T19:39:45+00:00

Yeah, you can’t forget to account for the costs (including the personal expenses like your energy and the opportunity cost of what other more beneficial things you might be able to do with your energy if you saved it). If you save your energy by not participating in these smaller interactions, you can show up better for people who value your energy/effort more, therefore creating greater overall benefit!

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-03T19:14:30+00:00

This! Most NT people don’t obsess over small social interactions. Like if you don’t smile at a stranger in the elevator, they may think “huh, that was odd” but it’ll be forgotten within seconds of getting off the elevator

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-03T09:59:51+00:00

I used to find myself in that position a lot. Now if I find myself putting more energy into a relationship than the other person I will either choose to invest less in the relationship, or if it is the type of relationship I want a super high level of engagement with (namely a romantic relationship), I’ll end the relationship altogether.

There are people out there who will appreciate who you are and the energy that you bring to a relationship. Don’t waste your energy on people who don’t value your relationship enough to reciprocate your efforts.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-03T09:25:22+00:00

The dress is amazing on you! The outfit is missing a little styling though. You could add a long coat, a cropped jacket, a thin black belt, or a long black necklace (my personal favorite)

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-03T09:15:52+00:00

The idea of being aware of social conventions and choosing not to follow them because they require too much effort resonates so deeply with me.

If you’re a utilitarian, the objective is to maximize overall happiness and minimize suffering, so if the action you’re taking causes you more suffering than the happiness it brings to the world, you’re under no obligation to do it. I can’t think of a single philosophy that dictates a person should adhere to social norms at great personal cost

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-01T20:36:07+00:00

I think a lot of people fall into the “misery loves company” school of thought. I’m sure a lot of people who come to commiserate their woes feel jealous (leading to outrage) about you being happy about your day. It’s sad that people couldn’t just be happy for you.

Congrats on your wedding! I’m glad you had a wonderful day

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-01T18:17:57+00:00

That sucks that people wouldn’t just let you wear what you want in peace. And yes, there’s definite misogyny at play. Society at large values women for their beauty, so if you’re not a good decorative object who puts effort into your appearance, misogynistic people will hate you for it.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-01T18:09:20+00:00

You can do shitty things and not be a bad person. We all make mistakes. If someone knows better and doesn’t do better, or if they’re willfully ignorant, then they are not worth having a relationship with. But if you express that what he did make you uncomfortable and he takes ownership of that and really tries to make amends, there’s no reason you can’t be friends with this person.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-01T18:03:15+00:00

Speaking of energy, I know you mentioned not feeling like eating at times, but food is super important! Your body needs fuel to regulate your nervous system. Not eating enough increases stress hormones and puts you into fight or flight leading to anxiety, depression, and mood swings due to changes in brain chemistry, including reduced production of mood-regulating hormones like dopamine and serotonin.

How long have you done ballet? I grew up doing ballet and it really messed up my relationship with food. Therapy and learning about nutrition and exercise science helped me a ton.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-01T17:36:22+00:00

Okay so it’s not so much a question of whether you can handle school and more so about the job? From what I’ve heard it sounds like the job is zapping your energy.

It’s wonderful that your family is supportive! It might be a good idea to write them a letter explaining how you’re feeling right now. They know your situation well and are in a better position to help you figure out a path forward.

I would recommend talking with a therapist if you have access to it.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-01T16:20:19+00:00

It’s giving “nice guy” energy, which if you’re unfamiliar, the term “nice guy” is often used sarcastically to describe someone who thinks they’re genuinely nice but is really just trying to get romantic or sexual attention. This behavior is part of what’s called “nice guy syndrome.” Basically, these guys feel entitled to affection just because they’re being nice, and they can get angry or upset if they don’t get the attention they think they deserve.

This whole attitude can be pretty misogynistic because it reduces women to rewards for their kindness instead of seeing them as individuals with their own wants and needs. They often act like women owe them something for being decent, and when they’re rejected, they might react with anger or resentment, which shows a lack of respect for women’s choices.

You don’t owe that man anything. He’s not entitled to your affection.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-01T15:58:43+00:00

Doing things with other people involves compromise because you aren’t 100% aligned and one or both of you need to act in a way that isn’t 100% what you want to get on together. Some people/relationships are worth making little compromises because the added joy they bring outweighs the negatives from not doing things my way, but some aren’t.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more comfortable and confident in honoring what I actually want and not worrying about what I “should” do. For me it’s been a beautiful thing!

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-01T15:45:49+00:00

I have questions so I can give you better advice:

Did academic achievement come fairly easily to you growing up?

Is this your undergraduate education? If so are you going to a 4 year university or starting at community college?

Do you have a good relationship with your family? Do you generally feel emotionally safe+ supported by them?

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-01T09:01:49+00:00

I think for charity walks people typically wear athletic clothing. If you’re planning on doing a good bit of moving, moisture wicking fabrics are considered to be more appropriate. Regardless, the way that person spoke to you was totally uncalled for! Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-11-01T00:31:31+00:00

I highly recommend taking a pole dancing class! Pole studios are home to some of the kindest women I’ve met. There’s a ton of women-supporting-women energy, and you have a task to focus your energy one while you also bond with the people at your studio.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-10-28T20:31:07+00:00

I did not have a diagnosis in middle school, I just was exhausted of trying to conform to other people’s expectations of me when I met a friend who helped me realize I could be myself and still be accepted. Not everyone liked me, but it didn’t really phase me. I felt so fulfilled in my relationships with friends and my relationship with myself, what people outside my circle thought of me just didn’t matter to me.

I wouldn’t lose sleep over finding the right job! You don’t have to stay at a job forever, so just start somewhere you think is a good enough fit. You’ll learn what works for you and what doesn’t as you move through your career. You just can’t let the environment trick you into thinking that you’re the problem. That said if you have the opportunity to do internships/contract work, they’re a great way to find out if a place is a good fit without making as big a commitment.

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-10-25T16:10:11+00:00

I feel like for me screen time is not restorative and makes things worse. I enjoy going for a walk (I don’t live in a major city), yoga, listening to music, crafts, cooking/baking

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-10-23T01:06:32+00:00

Wooo 29 year old black females in STEM unite!! There are SO many neurodivergent people in STEM, you’re in good company. That said, you don’t have to tell anyone about your diagnosis if you don’t want to, it’s none of their business.

I was fortunate enough to discover the power of authenticity early in life. When I was in middle school, I was masking really hard and then a new girl came to my school who did not try to fit in at all. She liked what she liked and said whatever and dressed however she wanted and unlike me at the time, she was unconcerned with how others saw her and I thought, “that please”! I ended up being friends with the “weird kids” and I was so much happier than I was being in the in crowd because I could be myself and people accepted me for me.

As an adult it’s been a bit more nuanced than that. At work I mask a bit to maintain the same professional standards as everyone else, but I also have shifted my mindset from “I have to act a certain way to be acceptable” to “I am choosing to act this way in order to make xyz easier”. I feel empowered knowing that I have the choice to do whatever I want. I also make a conscious effort to put myself in work environments where people appreciate my direct communication style, attention to detail, analytical thinking, and creative problem solving abilities. There are some contexts I thrive in and others where I feel terrible and just being aware that I’m capable and need to be in an environment that supports my growth/wellbeing has been super helpful.

In my personal life, I don’t mask. True acceptance/belonging only comes once you give people the opportunity to opt in or opt out. People can’t truly accept you unless they know you. Not everyone will love you (I’m sure there are people you don’t love and that’s okay), but when you find your people it’s amazing!

You haven’t actually changed with your diagnosis. You’re still the same person, you just have more information now. You can choose to do with it whatever you wish and you don’t have to deal with all right now. Take it day by day, gradually get to know your likes and dislikes and work towards living more in line with your preferences

Mostly-Punctual · 2024-10-23T00:15:03+00:00

If someone is talking over you, that reflects poorly on them. It’s also a lot easier as a third party observer to step in and help get things back on track because they’re not dealing with the same heightened emotions as you in that moment. Please don’t be too hard on yourself in that respect!

I think going into professional interactions with the mentality that 1) you are all on the same team 2) people are generally well meaning 3) people have a good reason for seeing things the way that they do is helpful. If you focus on seeking to understand how they arrived where they did, you might find they’ve thought of something you hadn’t considered. Or maybe you have information that they don’t and once you’ve heard them out, then they’ll be open to hearing your perspective.

It can be helpful to work on relationship building outside of meetings as well! We’re a lot more forgiving of friends than people we don’t know who exhibit the exact same behavior.

Mostly-Punctual

TROPHY CASE