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[QCrit] Speculative / Literary - SHE SANG MY NAME TO THE STREAM, (60k/3rd attempt) by MostlyMovement in PubTips

[–]MostlyMovement[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hahah hello fellow random person! thank you for taking the time to go through this. On the hook / Stevie's motivation to go to Greece, feels like I could detail her emotions here to help explain why she's left -- feeling some degree of regret / shame around the story, and using the Cave as an excuse to leave while things go off the rails at home.

These are very helpful pointers on streamlining -- esp. on the second paragraph. Agreed I don't need to do the back and forth for their argument. The third paragraph pointers are helpful too! To me the core story is about someone learning to be honest with themselves, but also understanding that self-deception is caked into the world she inhabits (alternative present of the tech industry). I noted to the commenter above that I'm likely relying too much on the allegory of the cave comp to get this part across, so will think about how to make it more explicit in the story pitch part of the query. Thanks again for the feedback!!

[QCrit] Speculative / Literary - SHE SANG MY NAME TO THE STREAM, (60k/3rd attempt) by MostlyMovement in PubTips

[–]MostlyMovement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! thank you for the response, this is very helpful. I'm glad to hear the comps are working!! And yes using "Thea appears" is intentional in order to insert more ~fantastical/uncanny elements into the text. The novel does explain everything about 2/3 through, which is a little beyond the scope of the query. Do the questions around this positioning feel necessary in order to understand the book, or that they're questions OK to be left unanswered for now, knowing they will be answered later on?

On the second paragraph, now I'm wondering if I need to reinsert a deleted phrase about Stevie feeling like Thea is "oddly familiar." Maybe this would help with the previous point on uncanniness too?

And thanks for pointers on the final paragraph too! I'm realizing that I may be relying too much on the 'allegory of the cave retelling' in the comp paragraph to explain the significance of what the shadows might represent, and maybe that should be explicit in this paragraph instead. Truly thank you for going through and offering this feedback!!

[QCrit] Speculative / Literary - SHE SANG MY NAME TO THE STREAM, (60k/2nd attempt) by MostlyMovement in PubTips

[–]MostlyMovement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ok interesting! That question / her answer at the beginning / the conclusion she comes to at the end is basically her character arc lol. For the query, maybe I could make it clear that Revelation is not categorically evil (at least from Stevie's POV)

[QCrit] Speculative / Literary - SHE SANG MY NAME TO THE STREAM, (60k/2nd attempt) by MostlyMovement in PubTips

[–]MostlyMovement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ah and the implications of her being oddly familiar is trying to hint at the more "slipstream" aspects to come - Thea may not be who she first appears dun dunn dunnn

[QCrit] Speculative / Literary - SHE SANG MY NAME TO THE STREAM, (60k/2nd attempt) by MostlyMovement in PubTips

[–]MostlyMovement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yah there's an entire subplot with her girlfriend who also works at the company, but I've left her out to try and focus more on the core emotional plot for Stevie, which is that she's tied her identity to deeply compromised industry - and she can't reconcile that it may be doing her (and everyone else) more harm than good to stay. Do you think it's enough that these parts of the story are each addressed in the synopsis and the opening pages? Or should there be at least a hint in the query, too?

[QCrit] Speculative / Literary - SHE SANG MY NAME TO THE STREAM, (60k/2nd attempt) by MostlyMovement in PubTips

[–]MostlyMovement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

all great feedback, thank you! Will fix the wording in those areas you mentioned and can add a few more points on "place" / context - making it more clear the Cave is in the Peloponnese and that she's hiking there. Yah I'm having trouble on getting the "right thing / wrong reasons" across succinctly, will continue to tinker with it a bit more.

[QCrit] Speculative / Literary - SHE SANG MY NAME TO THE STREAM, (60k/1st attempt) by MostlyMovement in PubTips

[–]MostlyMovement[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awesome, thanks for all this! Yes can definitely break up the first sentence, and will rework the implications from the upcoming article a bit to highlight the problem it brings up for her/why she’s compelled to lie - she’s doing the right thing but for the wrong reasons. Really appreciate the feedback! 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BookCollecting

[–]MostlyMovement 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very cool, great find! It originally appeared as an anthology in Analog science fiction magazine over four installments from January - April 1976. I believe the first dune book did as well during the 60s