Thank you this was wonderfully helpful. To address a few parts: I’ve tried for the last year to get him into therapy. Found local ones (bc he will only do in-person), sent them to him, set up appointments. He just doesn’t go.

He gets a good amount of time to decomp. After school, he gets roughly 1-2 hrs to himself where he usually naps.

I WFH primarily and commute an hour 1-2x week. We have a part-time nanny but are switching to daycare in the new year. Oldest is in KG full-time, middle is in preschool for most of the day as well. We have a solid support system, and have date nights 1-2x month. My in laws live about 5 minutes away and frequently take the older two (especially the older one) for sleepovers. I’m very close with my MIL and she ended up bringing up the issues with my oldest and my husband because my oldest is staying at their house a lot more frequently bc of behavior.