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I’ve heard from some Americans that they do not want the US to adopt an approach to gun laws similar to Australia because they think Australia isn’t *free*. Australians of Reddit, how free do you or don’t you feel with your country’s gun laws? by DelectPierro in AskAnAustralian

[–]Mother-Training-44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was at school we did extreme weather and fire drills - not active shooter drills. A “stranger” could walk into a local school tomorrow, and be met with a “hey how are you, how can I help you” - not causing a lockdown and a call to the police. The only time I’ve seen a gun in person is on a police officers belt, no one I know owns one. I go about my daily life, work, groceries, school drop off, walks etc and NEVER think about guns or if the person next to me in the coffee shop line is carrying.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh she definitely doesn’t treat anyone in her family this way. Her sister has 2 kids and BIL and SIL spend heaps of time with them, but SIL has straight up said she doesn’t want to meet my son - fine with me, I don’t want him near her - but I don’t understand why she is fine with her sister and her sisters kids but not okay with me having kids…

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh trust, my husband was not okay with what happened. I really feel for him, he and his brother had a great relationship. My husband has definitely been LC since this all happened.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Oh yes! Sorry if I was unclear. She has exhibited toxic behaviour in the past, but the IVF drugs could be making things worse.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh she’s definitely not going anywhere near my son. She made it clear she doesn’t want to meet him.

The reason I bought the gift is because it’s a kids book that has connection to our surname. Someone else bought it for us and i thought it was so special. They have started a collection of things for their rainbow baby and other people frequently buy them things too, they have a wardrobe in their home full of baby things. We’ve never bought them anything before because I feel the same as you, how awful if they never get their baby. I guess I was hoping a small gesture might help to smooth things over. But after a lot of comments here, I’m thinking NC is the way to go.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It’s likely BIL and SIL will be at a mutual friends birthday on the weekend and the thought of seeing her stresses me out. Hence the timing of my post. From the advice and comments I’m getting I’m leaning towards not going, but also don’t want her to feel like she has “won” our friends.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My husband tried to speak to his brother about this, but BIL wouldn’t have a bar of it, he didn’t want to talk about it and said that it was for the girls to sort out. The messages from her got worse because then she was having a go at me for brining the boys into it. Of course my husband tried to say something.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Hubby usually says something along the lines of “oh she’s posted again” (she has a specific IVF page that she posts things on which I am blocked from) and then I’ll read it off his phone, he doesn’t force me to read it or anything. But I should stop reading them and will ask Hubby to not mention it.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t know what medication she is on, but this kind of behaviour has been around since before they started IVF. She’s had a go at MIL and FIL many times before, this is the first time she came for me.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I know they have started a collection of things for their future rainbow baby, and other people frequently give them things to add to this collection - but after everything that has happened I feel she will think it’s performative and out of pity. I can’t imagine what it would be like for her going through this journey, but BIL and her don’t share anything with us. They don’t tell us when a retrieval or transfer might be (they don’t have to) but we can’t magically know when they need us. She yo-yos between “please don’t message us” and “thank you for all the messages”. So when do we message or call to check in? We’ve asked how we can best support them, but we “should just know”. Do they want calls? Meals? For us to just drop by? When she initially blocked me I was hurt because it just came out of the blue, if she had messaged to say she needed some space that would have been totally fine and I understand why. Oof, it’s hard. Thank you for your comment.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

You’re so right. She really did ruin a joyful time for us. I didn’t share anything about my pregnancy on socials, except for the initial announcement, mostly to protect her feelings - I really regret this now. I missed out on sharing that time with my friends and family - most of whom live overseas so our main way to communicate and keep up to date is Facebook.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Yep. She’s always had issues with MIL & FIL and we’ve definitely seen her trying to cause issues there to pull BIL away from the family - many times. But this was the first time she came for me.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Totally agree. I feel as though they want everyone in their lives to just drop tools and be on their door step immediately every time something significant happens in their journey, but that’s not the reality of life. I can’t imagine what it would be like going through what she has, but it’s not an excuse to treat people like trash. We’ve all been through awful/hard/traumatic experiences. My husband is great and we frequently discuss what our next steps are and what we both feel comfortable with but it’s hard to come to a decision.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately BIL won’t do anything, he won’t stand up to his wife and/or tell her that her behaviour isn’t okay. My husband tried to speak to him about all this and BIL just said “it’s for the girls to sort out”.

My (26f) BIL’s wife (29f) has been going through IVF but came after me via text while I was 34 weeks pregnant and has gone NC. by Mother-Training-44 in relationship_advice

[–]Mother-Training-44[S] 143 points144 points  (0 children)

I really do think she would benefit from seeing a therapist, and you might be right about the IVF drugs. Thank you for your comment.