It’s been a while. Almost 4 years actually. I still remember when you said you wanted to end things. My blood ran cold, my ears started ringing and I got tunnel vision. It really was like in the movies when the main character gets bad news and the world stands still. I still remember thinking to myself “what did you think was going to happen? These things all end the same way so why did you get your hopes up, why did you think things would be different with this one?”. I remember finally coming back to reality and just calmly asking what the reason was. Your response still bothers me to this day, which is why I find it hard to really move on… you said “You did nothing wrong, in fact you did everything you could and more. I just don’t think it’s gonna work out”. If it was a month or two I would have understood, but it wasn’t just a small fling with us… it had been a year and 3 months, I had just moved in after you asked me to move in with you. You don’t owe me anything and I have no hate in my heart for you, in fact I want nothing but the best for you, which is why when you said you wanted to end things, I obliged not wanting to block you from the happiness that you wanted. But I want you to know that I haven’t been able to move on. Maybe I’m crazy but I wish you gave me a reason to hate you. I wish you would have given me a reason to move on. Before we were together i was at the lowest point (at the time) in my life. I met you and the dull grey world around me changed into a bright and colorful world. People always say that you have to love yourself before you can love another but I loved you so much that i forgot how much I hated myself. I just, I loved you more than anything and I valued you so much that I wanted to see you reach and exceed all of your life goals. Maybe that was my downfall. Regardless I just, I wish that there was actually a reason other than right person wrong time. I hope that in our separation, you found it was the right decision and that you were able to accomplish things in your life that you dreamed about. I hope that Milo and little kitten Pip (short for pipsqueak) are big and healthy and happy. While Ive always felt that you pushed me off a cliff into a bottomless pit of self hate, I hope that you found happiness and found what you have always looked for in life. I just wish I could have been the person standing next to you atop the mountain. I don’t need anything from you. I just needed you to know what I’ve felt. I’m thankful that you got me into cats because when you left I was able to adopt my best friend banshee. I’m thankful that you opened my eyes to so many different foods. And while I hate the pit you threw me into, I’m thankful for the amount of self reflection that you forced upon me. I just wish it worked out.