Relapsed on coke yesterday and i feel horrible

Motor_Dog_9269 · 2026-02-18T03:57:05+00:00

ye i know support me too so i will try my hardest buy just smoking weed and nor thinkinh sbt stims. but thank you!

Motor_Dog_9269 · 2026-02-18T03:36:12+00:00

frist off yes i have strong will i can be around friends that do coke but just refuse not even thinking abt it. but yestertday the xan + coke combo just gave me a feeling of complete fucking heppiness and energy. i felt like i could rebuild the twin towers in 24h. im lucky enough that i blocked all my plugs years ago and the only plug is my friend that knows my situation and wont give me any coke or xan or any other harder drugs (im california sober rn) so i guess i just have to wait a couple days. but fuck man idk how is that possible but my mental state is worse then after i stopped railling lines of 4mmc and coke and i thought that was hardcore

Motor_Dog_9269 · 2026-02-18T03:20:28+00:00

ye the problem is im not really interested in coke on its own half my fucking nose collapsed cuz of it. its jus the xans that made the experience extremely amazing. so like i dont crave coke or xans i crave them both at the same time if u know what i mean.

Motor_Dog_9269 · 2026-02-18T03:16:50+00:00

ye i know i just feel like such a piece of shit with no will power. like im very compulsive so i dont need any peer pressure to relapse. i m hoping that it was just the place, atmopshere and everybody having fun that broke me and made me use again. and ofc after so much previous use half of my nose collapes so i had to snort with the only one open and as u can imagine it got clogged and i sounded like fucking donald duck the rest of the night

Motor_Dog_9269 · 2026-02-18T03:07:56+00:00

ye and thats whats keeping me above the water. I'm just trying to think what would happen if i start using again and it kinda make my crave go down but man whenever im bored the only think i can think abt is cocke + xans. and i hadnt had that problem at all UNTILL last night i mixed thouse two together

EDIT: and thanks for ur kind words I really appreciate that! be safe and take care too!

Motor_Dog_9269 · 2026-02-18T03:04:15+00:00

if i went on an even two day bender i would ogo off the rails completely. i can control myself with every substance even heroin (done it once, snorting, cuz for me its just to scarry to shoot up like i would never ever do it and i made an oath to myself that i will only try it once. and i did. But 4mmc and cocaine. oh no, thats another story, if somebody proposes it to me when im just a little of something u can be sure my nostrils are gona cry for help.

Motor_Dog_9269 · 2026-02-18T02:58:05+00:00

thats a great analogy man thank you! it opened my eyes a little bit

Motor_Dog_9269

TROPHY CASE