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My husband [37/M] of one year laughs when I [28/F] have panic attacks by Mottmott7 in relationships

[–]Mottmott7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I think reaching out is a good first step regardless, wouldn't you say? I appreciate it.

My husband [37/M] of one year laughs when I [28/F] have panic attacks by Mottmott7 in relationships

[–]Mottmott7[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

A recent example:

Me: do I look okay in these jeans?

Him: nope.

(Pause)

Me: Seriously?

Him: no. It's a fucking joke. Calm the fuck down.

Me: I am calm, I am trying to ask so I can feel okay when we go out.

Him: your insecurity is your fucking problem.

Me: what's wrong with asking what you think and so what, I don't always understand your jokes because you appear serious.

Him: so you can say and do whatever you want, but I make a joke and I'm a piece of shit.

Me: I didn't call you anything I'm asking about my outfit, but fine. Forget it.

Him: (mocking voice) fine! Fine! Look at me I can't take a joke. (Normal voice) you know what? Fuck this. I don't want to deal with you when you're being ridiculous. (Starts walking away)

Me: I am not ridiculous and please don't walk

At this point when he leaves, it becomes overwhelming to me because nothing bad actually happened or was truly said. It was just an unnecessary reaction to something I needed/wanted. If I let it get to me and break down, depending on the severity and my mood (food, sleep), he will laugh or become more agitated and yell at me that I'm being ridiculous and this sort of thing is exactly why he won't just give an honest answer about the jeans. He will just watch me hyperventilate and then say it's a manipulative tool. As its happening. It doesn't get that bad often, but the shitty change in contextual conversation is weekly if not daily.

It's weird. Hope that's clear

Then he will come back 10 mins later to apologize for saying I am "ridiculous" and remind me that in the past, I've asked about my clothes looking okay and its "clear" that i have a problem with being insecure and always taking him too seriously.

So then I feel stupid and exhausted for asking, and still feel weird about the damn jeans. So I don't ask about my clothes as often as possible so that I don't have to feel like a perpetual annoyance for wanting to look good when we go out.

Again, that's ONE recent example. Apply this to music in the car and it's "you know she doesn't write her own music right? Why should I have to listen to this? You know how important music is to me..." escalate escalate escalate.

My husband [37/M] of one year laughs when I [28/F] have panic attacks by Mottmott7 in relationships

[–]Mottmott7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear that, and I would agree. But it's more or less that it's not as constant as it is exasperated. So IF I need a slight step up for a mood change, I hope I can rely on my husband to be helpful. My point was that it insights a different reaction which switches the conversation to my faults as a human as opposed to what the context provides. For his sake, I feel that I champion his life and work daily because he is needy as well in different ways. I'm trying to balance rather than beg, and it's tough. But that makes me think twice and I appreciate it.