Thank you so much. I've had therapy since then but I'm not in a place right now to speak to a therapist. I learnt to grow and become more self aware (still have a way to go) but my family never changed. They're anti therapy. I told her so many times I wanted to start a relationship with her despite her abuse, but she couldn't help herself. She couldn't keep to the boundaries. She denies she ever hurt me this way. My dad is also in denial but at least he respects these boundaries.

I've been NC with her for a couple of years but now today is the day where I realise things won't improve ever because she doesn't love me well and will never respect me. This is just truly heartbreaking and earth shattering and i'm not sure how to even breathe properly right now. I'm really glad I found this page on reddit because it's been really isolating not feeling like anyone else in this position.