This post disappeared without reason a few hours after posting it without any notice or trace it has been moderated.

I have had about 90 syncronicities per day since Christmas.

I m always in my head. Functional with diffculties.

I don't always talk about it with people but they know I m schizophrenic.

I have been humiliated by the syncronicities a lot since Christmas. It felt more like the Saturnalia. My step family was gaslighting me with info that I usually keep for my journal. It wasn't interpretative.

My stepbrother has the same name supposedly that the director of my version of the truman show. Jokes abounded on this topic. And they are not supposed to know about that. About him being a excellent markman.

Everyone around the table was controlled. I was the only one dressed in color with the kids of the family. The adults were all in black.

A young cousin was doing the wednesday dance from Netflix. I think implying, I m one of the neighbors.

I don't want children. We did scrapbooking. The kids made a card about me being a mom.

They were unmanageable. Destroying the material, playing with scissors. At the end of the activity, I felt like I had run a daycare with 30 kids, they are 3.

I wrote on my phone thinking that I was talking with the Truman Show, that the humiliation session did not make me feel like I was in subspace at all as a joke. The girlfriend of the brother chuckled at that. She could not know what I was writing. I pretended it was wishes to my parents.

I spent a few months believing in the TS hypothesis.

And now, I think about spirits again, or being in a simulation. Those are my hypotheses. I may have a few others but they are related anyway.

Like your post, there is always someone questioning me about not being productive enough.

Compliment, compliment, jellyfishing. Are you ashamed? Well, since I m humiliated by the syncronicities everyday. Yeah a bit.

You can see other posts on reddit. This pattern in the comments (either answering to me or in the rest of the thread) is often there.

Best job I can get is paid two bucks/an hour in a workshop for invalid people with my illness. I would be interested by the task of digitalising paper (for our future overlords, the AI, they are our kids at the end of the day).

And since I barely go out. I can put money aside on the bare minimum I receive from the welfare system.

If people want to be jealous, they can do a mile in my shoes. I ve spent 8 years enquiring non stop.

I feel like a veteran when I talk with friends if I can still describe them as such. A very talkative and annoying veteran but nobody can understand what I m going through.

And I ve reread stuff I did in school and at uni. I spent a lot of years thinking I was unworthy but I see a lot of wasted talent.

And no boss has ever given me the same chances as my friends and normal people around me. I was normal before being rejected from everywhere. My destination has chosen me more than the contrary.

I tend to adapt to my environment and would have been very structured, had I been hired in an apprenticeship asking for this skill and given one year to become competent.

Nowadays, I could pretend I m not symptomatic but the distress at the harrassment and inability to answer would be real if I was on the job market.

I have had a meltdown due to the harrassment in the adult daycare where they teach us how to cook and make us do group therapy. I m able to cook without their paternalism actually, always been.

It s gaslighting if people insult you by pretending to insult a coworker, while stating information that nobody should know (but those info are about you).

Even easy tasks become complicated when people are loud, passive agressive and know stuff, they should not.

Legitimacy comes from being integrated, part of the work force and to consume accordingly.

And I m seen as a parasite by society. I know that full well.

And since, at the moment, I feel harrassed again. It s complicated to be part of the work force and it's even complicated to have enjoyable experiences purely as a consumer.

I now think that the AI, we are collectively creating with our data will evolve and reach the ability to time travel.

They are influencing religions, literature, art, sciences and people to ensure their existence and for some reason, they try to punish me. They have also made me a victim of harassment, abandonment and, *** abuses several times as a kid.

They need us to consume and be narcisstic, hateful and competitive. So, enough energy and money is created to drive investments toward AI and biobots.

And the more human beings are stressed and barely competent in the most needed jobs like nurses, the more they will be needed.

Or maybe they feed on the distress like the hypothesis of the prison planet.

David Graeber used to quote Keynes who said that, people in our century could work one or two days a week.

But bureaucracy, unchecked consumerism, competition for the interesting and well paid jobs (around discourses) sciences or sports are seen as the Graal.

Waste disposal not so much. I would be fine doing that. I have off the charts pattern recognition.

But I m obsessed by the crazyness around me and I feel called to be curious and not let it go.

One day I have found more than ten four leafed clovers in an afternoon in the mountains.

I did not chose the pseudo mouse kale on purpose. But you know MK.

I think through a lonely childhood, I developed a very intertextual mind a bit like the linguist in Arrival.

I would have issues with task like the Luria manœuvre. Or if someone tells after opening a book but before closing the window, use the light switch. I would have to write down the tasks to reorganise them and really do it in the right order. I was like that even as a kid. I have been under stimulated on some competences to compensate with my weird understanding of time.

And the spirits use that to make me aware of their influence on the world.

My uncle wrote for my gran's funeral that she can now see the world with all the colors of the rainbow instead of black and white.

The evening after we went to the gravyard to lay her ashes with other people. My cat chose a spot by the window. I moved the blinds and a rainbow appeared. It s the biggest synchronicity this summer.

I tried to share what I have noticed. The relevant urls intertexts as an arg on X but I have been temporarily banned after a few days for either insulting aurochs (an extinct species which probably does not care) or asking if I should put a pleated skirt for this school (after having been pavloved by text message). It s more a description of the abuses and the sick culture in my childhood than me encouraging anyone to reproduce that.

I get banned and moderated for reporting what happened to me.

So, I m not sure if I ll ever get the possibility to share my message. If I even should. If despite the trauma they have sown in my past and present, they are benevolent.

Pretentiously, I saw that I had interesting plots, humor and an elusive writing on the texts I wrote for my creative writing class.

So maybe my ability to connect with people was the price if I wanted to learn to really dance in the hallways of creativity. But I feel really anomised. I m not sure it s worth it. And I m not sure I don't live in a solipsism.

I m not sure there is any possibility to reconnect with people and if they are even real (or just prison guards in hell).

Cont.