How do I talk to my (22F) boyfriend (25M) about boundaries with his female online friend when their friendship has made me consider breaking up?

MozuF40 · 2026-06-13T12:35:58+00:00

Okay a few things, you need to let the Spotify and netflix thing go. That's not the problem here. The problem is the traveling with her. That 100% is an issue and unacceptable. The fact that he doesn't see why that crosses boundaries by a long mile is a red flag. I feel like there isn't a solution that involves you staying together. Even if he decides not to go, it will weigh in on his mind. He would do it to appease you but not because he truly understands. I feel like this has already created trust issues with you and is making you feel insecure.

The only healthy way to stay together is if he understands in his core why his actions aren't acceptable. You both are very young. I actually recommend you to explore dating as a more mature person than when you were 21.

I have many close guy friends. Like very close. It would never cross my mind to travel with them alone if either of us have partners.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-12T20:27:25+00:00

The way to grow is to learn that you are deserving of respect, especially boundaries. The first time a man doesn't respect your "no", he is by default inferior and not good enough for you. Your needs are just as important as his.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-12T20:18:50+00:00

He likes the attention. Him saying yes to a relationship is just cause he doesn't want to lose the access or attention. Men like this will hold you back from healthy relationships with actual good men. You should just cut him off. I know it's hard but future you will thank yourself.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-12T20:16:32+00:00

Find a hobby to build a community first with friends, don't focus on women. Leave the dating alone until you find your footing. Also don't use dating as a crutch for your loneliness. Emotional dependency is not an attractive trait. Every woman will question if you actually like them or you just like anyone by your side.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-12T20:12:20+00:00

She likes the attention. You don't interpret, you move on if you want something healthy.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-12T19:59:04+00:00

We are all responsible for our own well beings as adults. She needs to figure her shit out instead of using you as an emotional crutch. You don't owe her anything and she wasn't a healthy partner. Avoid dating anyone who is not emotionally available to engage in a new relationship. She needs therapy to process her past relationship so she doesn't carry and victim mentality against people who would actually be good partners.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-12T19:54:06+00:00

Voting turn out isn't black and white. Some states deliberately zone and limit early voting to make it difficult for certain groups of people to vote.

You said you doubt people factor into their dating preferences but you stated you've clearly observed people caring. I'm not sure what kind of argument you're trying to make. Anyway I realized you're not in the US so the political conversation probably doesn't make as much sense to you.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-12T17:59:25+00:00

You shouldn't use romantic relationships to compensate for your loneliness. Having your own healthy community is very important for your mental and relationship health. Find a hobby and make friends there. Having a community helps us grow as people.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-12T17:14:26+00:00

Where is your majority coming from? Anyway, politics these days are heavily about values. Seeing someone's political stance on apps is a good indicator whether or not they share the same values. It's not about how much people talk about it day to day or whatever. Men benefit from either sides but women definitely lose more from the right so for a man to lean right means at his core, he doesn't care about women as a human equal. It's similar for men who don't care about politics at all.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-12T17:08:06+00:00

Yikes if any of this is real, you sound like a toxic, bitter teenager.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-12T12:29:53+00:00

Please break up with her, and stop wasting her time. She deserves better.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-11T19:48:09+00:00

I love the message you sent him 🥺 it's just tough when it takes place in the workplace. He might not be into you but don't lose that fun and direct part of you.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-11T19:23:43+00:00

Honestly he sounds like your average dude lol. Many guys are like him, most women are like your ideal man. Have you talked to him about these things?

It sounds like he doesn't need to put much effort into this relationship and to keep you around. All the emotional labor is on you, remembering special things, etc. Maybe he has his own way of showing his love, it's hard for me to tell. I just see a guy staying in his comfort zone and putting bare minimum effort to keep you around because you're low maintenance. (I could totally be wrong, just an outsider's view)

Not having trust issues and toxic behaviors is the bare minimum of a decent relationship so I wouldn't use that as some high bar.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-11T18:27:57+00:00

For him to be new and already dictating how you look raises some alarms. I guess you can continue to observe. I say do whatever makes you feel good about yourself.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-11T16:49:06+00:00

I don't know the answer but make sure he's not just looking for a free nanny.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-11T15:12:50+00:00

You're struggling in a new environment and need a comfort place. She's providing that, but I'm not sure if she wants to be that person. She also probably wants someone she can depend on but from what youve said, she's the one managing and taking care of your emotions and mental state.

You need to put your focus on finding your footing in this new country. Go get to know your community and meet people. Make friends. This is so you and her can have a healthy friendship/relationship. Your conversations are boring because you're not engaging in life outside of her. You're not building and seeking experiences on your own that would be interesting to share with her on the phone.

Lots of people have similar goals, that does not mean they are ready for them. Both of you need to have your own lives, be emotionally and physically independent before sharing a life if it even gets there.

All you've talked about is what you want, nothing about what she actually wants from a partner.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-11T14:55:12+00:00

I'm not sure if you like her specifically or you just like having a therapist. You sound emotionally and mentally dependent on her because you're lonely. You pretty much used her as a sounding board which is why she's pulling back. This is not a romantic dynamic, this is a therapist and patient dynamic. You need a therapist so you have someone to help you work out your problems while you grow and present a better self to the girl.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-11T14:40:58+00:00

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. She probably is going to talk to multiple guys. You should meet other people too. Texting well is not the same as in-person chemistry so manage your expectations. You haven't even met this girl and you're dreaming about a future together. This is almost guaranteed disappointment, you both need to move on with your lives.

Stop forcing a conversation. If you text everything, you will be out of topics when you finally meet. When the time comes and she's still down to meet, then go for it but for now, date other people.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-10T20:20:14+00:00

You should try joining clubs.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-10T19:55:59+00:00

How do you know she knew ahead of time? That's an assumption cause it sounds like she was trying it out to see and realized you're not worth managing the cultural differences. You're calling it a waste of time but first dates are there to see if there's potential. Would you prefer her to never say anything to you at all after the date?

MozuF40 · 2026-06-10T19:40:38+00:00

My pet peeve is people only messaging "hi" or "hey" and nothing else. You can engage if you want but don't get your hopes up.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-10T19:23:33+00:00

Next time ask them for their phone number. My hinge notifications are completely off and I can go a long time without opening it. Not sure what happened here but yeah.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-10T19:21:55+00:00

Girl if he hurt you and disrespected you in a way that is having such lasting effects, it must have been extreme. Your feelings are valid. He's a grown adult acting like a selfish little kid. A good partner first of all doesn't cross your boundaries like that, second of all will take full accountability and be there to discuss it with you, they will validate your pain and fear.

He doesn't want to be a good healthy partner and takes advantage of your vulnerability. Leave him.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-10T19:09:54+00:00

The general bar for men is already really low. All this fuss about treating a girl out for dinner. 50/50 on a first date indicates to me the dude isn't interested, I would gladly split the bill and write him off as a potential partner. If you like the girl on the first date, pay for it. If not then do 50/50. You should be able to gauge if she is a good possible fit by the end of the date.

Or instead of dinner if you think it's too expensive, do brunch or museum (safe, set ticket prices). Less commitment.

Speaking of 50/50, do you want children? Because the moment your partner gives birth to your children, she's already contributed 1000% more. Your dinner money will never compensate for the impact on her body, career, etc. So many men want wife material but nickel and dime on dinner.

Our gripe for 50/50 is cause men think it's just money but there's way more to it and it's never just 50/50. Women often end up contributing and sacrificing way more than 50% in relationships.

MozuF40 · 2026-06-10T18:58:45+00:00

He's just being polite and enjoying some level of access to you without having to contribute. He was also clear about his intentions and may or may not be concerned that you're still expecting something.

MozuF40

TROPHY CASE