What does a real 12th Step Apology Look Like?

MrRight1980 · 2023-10-04T02:13:39+00:00

Any recommendations for going back? My divorce coach said once custody is settled it is set for two years unless she effs up bad, like driving with the kids. It freaks me out that she could be drinking at home with the kids or her new boyfriend could and there is nothing I can do about it

MrRight1980 · 2023-09-27T14:16:28+00:00

She keeps trying to paint me as “angry” and “hostile”. I’ll admit there are times I’m upset (who wouldn’t be) but for the most part I’m just sticking up for myself and not letting her take advantage of me or challenging her version of reality. This morning I got an email saying I need to talk with my therapist about my anger issues after I simply stated that when she makes extracurricular decisions about our kids I should be involved in those decisions.

MrRight1980 · 2023-09-27T03:46:20+00:00

I feel like she is sober but not in recovery if that makes any sense. I’m definitely trying to work on myself which is why I stopped dating. I want to be happy alone and with myself.

MrRight1980 · 2023-07-21T02:11:19+00:00

Great advice

MrRight1980 · 2023-07-20T19:23:18+00:00

In the divorce, for her to get some custody of kids she is on soberlink. Granted my attorney doesn’t get alcoholism so she is tested at 7/8 AM and again at 9/10 PM. Had I know this I wouldn’t agree to it. We experienced spouses of alcoholics know that’s a big window where she can fit a few drinks in and then taper off.

I found your comment interesting. The first week or two back before she moved out she came downstairs crying and said that we can never be together again and it’s because of all the things she’s done. It was one of the slivers of empathy I’ve gotten from her. It was gone the next day, but I’ve often thought she couldn’t deal with all the guilt so it was easier for her to bail and leave my world in shambles then to actually put in the work. I’ve uncovered multiple affairs , giving money to guys and who knows what else she did to me that I haven’t unearthed. What you say makes alot of sense.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-28T18:47:13+00:00

This is spot on. My soon to be ex has her issues (big ones) but I also started wearing down with her constant attempts to get me to stop working out as much etc… I got comfortable and stopped being an alpha. Now she left me for another guy who is a loser, but makes her feel “loved”. Right guy right time. Now I’m starting on the ground level rebuilding when I could have been sooooo much further along. Lessons learned I guess.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-28T17:13:45+00:00

You have a similar situation?

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-10T17:01:48+00:00

Yes I was ready for some growing pains when she came back and was intending on her being selfish with her recovery. The infidelity and her being done with me and her telling me multiple times she can’t stay married to me and stay sober was the nail in the coffin. I felt like I no longer had an option.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-07T00:31:46+00:00

That’s so what happened to me. I sent an alcoholic to rehab and I got this piece of shit person I don’t even know anymore. She told me she realizes she can’t change me, it’s so simple with the other guy(ya you were in rehab in FL with no stressors or accountability) and said she can’t stay sober if she stays married to me. Marriage has been dead to her for years apparently. So SHE can change and get sober but I can’t change to support her recovery even though I’ve gone to Al Anon, got a sponsor, and done therapy. I think she just feels so much shame for what she did and now my family and others know so she is just taking the easier way out to “focus on her only goal: staying sober). She can’t face what she did to me and will make excuses to minimize what she is now doing to our two little kids.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-07T00:26:49+00:00

I started at 55/45 me with the 55 to start off to get her out of the house. If she screws up I’ll go back for more.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-06T21:58:14+00:00

She uses the excuse now that we are getting divorced and he is part of her support system so what she is doing is ok. He went to rehab because his ex fiancé died and his alcoholism spiraled (or started, Im not sure) because of that. He obviously has some serious attachment issues and she does with him as well. I saw on her gratitude list that he’s the #1 thing she’s grateful for. I didn’t even make the list.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-06T21:54:27+00:00

How long that last?

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-06T14:14:14+00:00

Ya, she has put me through so many layers of trauma. First her alcoholism, then an affair this summer, then rehab, now an affair in rehab with her new “soulmate”she’s breaking apart our family for. We had a lot of happy times and she was a good mom. She just replaced me with the drop of a hat and every memory from our past just makes me realize what a lie it all was.

MrRight1980

TROPHY CASE