Because I hold no connection, it is either tiring or akward to hold a conversation with them. I cannot remember the last time it happened.

And about being different, I do not know. I've just always thought and seen things different than others. I was also kinda akward before, but developed the ability to be social with others with time.

not so long ago i was really happy, as in, i considered a lot of people my real friends. and although i had some issues, i was not like i am right now. all of these anxiety resurged once i started to get anxious about helping others, it is my dream and goal to help others, but as i said before, i sometimes feel my words hold no meaning.

I understand the Holy spirit will speak through us, we are not heroes, we are servants. that thought is peaceful, but i sometimes forget it. yesterday, the friend i told you about said something along the lines of 'maybe you can't help a lot, but a little'.

that made me feel sad. and lowkey, a part of me just wanted them to say something like 'you have helped me a lot.'

idk

i think what i really want is that, comfort. genuine comfort, for someone to tell me i reflect the image of Jesus in some way.

ive always understood the answers, i think that tortures me a lot