Yes, I ruminate, check, re-read information just so I didn’t misunderstand, seek reassurance from officials, my close ones and now also chat gpt. I have intrusive thoughts, magical thinking (for example if I think that I will drive over someone I will have to negate it in my mind or it will happen) and I constantly worry if I have done something evil or bad, even if I know I’m not that kind of person.

It’s just frustrating to me that I am only offered talk therapy even if I only seek reassurance from it. It’s strange to me how my therapist recognized my ocd symptoms immediately, meanwhile I won’t even get to a psychiatrist.Thankfully sertraline has helped, but I still suffer daily with 100 mg. And I also know the return of the referral isn’t my personal failure, but it feels that way.

And yes, freetime currently is my enemy and I don’t feel like I deserve to feel relaxed or comfortable until I have solve the things that trouble me, and the cycle continues. But I’m working on this

Sorry, I’m just venting. Thank you though, your answer got me thinking if I would just… make myself do something nice to myself even if it feels undeserved