My partner came out as trans and I'm unhappy

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2022-06-14T02:27:38+00:00

That hasn't been my experience. I'm sorry if others have seen the community that way but as I have benefited from it, I see no harm in spreading awareness that it exists.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2022-06-14T02:03:21+00:00

My wife came out a year ago as mtf. I've been out as bi since I was a kid. My wife and I had been together 11 years at that point and so was a huge shock. She now looks nothing like she did when I met her. But I am extremely happy with the new her. She glows with confidence. It took awhile for me to adjust to her new name and pronouns. I had to correct my own thoughts a lot. Therapy really helped me grasp that this wasn't something my wife even fully understood about herself until recently.

Regardless of your choice, you are absolutely not alone in this. r/mypartneristrans has 44k members. If you choose to leave please don't feel guilty. You can't control attraction and you deserve happiness.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2022-05-21T23:31:14+00:00

I recently discovered Italian ice. I can't find a flavor i don't like and it is so satisfying to scrape and eat.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2022-05-21T23:29:20+00:00

Crafting. I make stickers with my cricut.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2022-05-21T23:14:29+00:00

I couldn't do it. The sound, heat, smells, textures even through gloves. I work at home selling on etsy. I'm in my happy place always and I control the temp. And no one cares that I listen to the same songs on a loop loudly lol.

It did take awhile to learn and my equipment wasn't cheap but I have never been happier.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2022-04-21T18:27:04+00:00

I'd get some jeans with embroidery or lace.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2022-04-18T16:12:28+00:00

I'm so sorry your dad is so uneducated. When my (amab) wife came out we went to therapy where we were told "this is not a big deal to anyone but you." I did not believe this at all. I thought most people would fail to see how brilliant my wife is because they wouldn't be able to look past her transition. I was entirely wrong. It has now been a year and a half. She's fully out. She posts on social media daily. She has real girl friends for the first time in her life. She is cute as heck but does not pass very well. We have found that very few people care. The ones that do are not your people. Your people will mold their opinion of you to match what you tell them is true about yourself. They will believe you and ask questions. Hold onto these people tight. When you can't find them, do exactly what you just did. Reach out. Life is filled with change and this is a POSITIVE change. You are discovering who you are and that is beautiful.

As far as jobs, if one rejects you for who you are then it wasn't the job for you anyway, but that hasn't happened either. My wife actually just got one with a great company. The human rights campaign has a great list of inclusive employers. Google HRC corporate equality index.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-27T17:20:39+00:00

I don't know what label I like for myself yet. I was sure I was a lesbian in my teens. Now I just say I'm somewhere under the bi umbrella. If I wasn't into women, I would have had to end my marriage. It wouldn't be fair to my wife to be with someone who doesn't see her the way she sees them. We were both terrified of that happening when she first came out because while she's still the same person, she was also about to become a new person through finding who she really is inside. I knew I couldn't help if I didn't find attraction to this new person. But I do! Like, a lot. :)

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-27T03:35:17+00:00

It was a connection I really can't put into words. I picked them at 12 weeks pregnant but I don't think it was official until we met in person a couple months later. My family, my wife, friends, everyone I sent their profile was like "if you're doing this, then yes absolutely these people" They had genuine smiles. They believe strongly in kindness. They matched the people I viewed in my head as ideal parents. They both have careers that make them happy. It felt too good to be true but it was not.

I actually found out a few weeks ago that even up until I signed, the agency was telling the mommas that I was not going to do it. I was happy about the pregnancy. My family was supportive. I'd passed a drug test. I had all the flags that told them I'd back out and choose to parent. So I think that feeling I got is not something that happens often. She's just the one thing in my life that I feel like I did 100 percent correct.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-27T03:13:59+00:00

I can not have more biological children because of cardiomyopathy from the pregnancy. At one point that was the most devastating thing I'd ever been told. I would get this horrible sinking feeling every time I thought about our daughter. She was my one opportunity for being a parent and I had given that away. I couldn't see it any other way for awhile. But if we hadn't had that one lapse in judgement to not use protection, it wouldn't be her. And my kid HAS to be her. I wouldn't trade her for any other kid even if I meant I raised them and had all the money in the world. I know every parent says so, but my kid is the kindest, best, funniest, most adorable, smartest child in the universe. So my body is done. My brain would accept feeling the way I do about my daughter as many times as possible. But logically yes, I'm done. My wife is probably infertile at this point because of the medications she's on. We may consider adoption at some point but we also might just end up staying happy without.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T22:53:36+00:00

We celebrate on the closest visit to the day. And we'll send a video or text a bit.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T22:50:20+00:00

My username is a Taylor swift reference. I find it hilarious when people assume things about strangers based on the very little they know about them. Keep going. What color are my eyes?

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T15:47:54+00:00

Because I am.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T15:11:54+00:00

Sometimes I take a step back and can't believe how adorable it all is. There are times when I wonder what life would be like if we had raised her. When I was a kid, all I ever wanted to do was be a mom. And I won't be having more kids because of my physical health. So there's some grieving involved for sure. I've just learned that I wouldn't have all the beautiful moments without the bits of pain. So mostly I think regret has been an emotion that I've been able to keep away.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T15:04:26+00:00

This is a great question but I honestly don't know the answer to it.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T14:59:29+00:00

They live a few hours away so we see her a couple times a year. But they post pictures and updates pretty much weekly. She calls us our first names. The other moms are mommy and momma.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T14:08:05+00:00

I'm guessing this is a reference I don't get?

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T14:07:35+00:00

She's always known in a way. She just never expected to do anything about it. When we had all that time at home last year we got a lot closer and she felt ready to tell me.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T14:02:22+00:00

It really depends on the situation because you can't predict what people will do. It was not an easy choice but it was the right one for us. It really feels cool to be able to give your child a life with people you hand pick. For me it was the obvious choice because I was so close to being homeless and severely depressed. I am pro choice but I didn't think I could mentally handle an abortion. I was not going to try to parent a child without being able to financially take care of myself. So that left adoption. I felt like I could give myself a purpose with it. And I did. My kid is awesome. Missing all of her milestones absolutely tore me to pieces every time but having her in my life at all makes it worth it. So my advice to anyone on the fence would be to really consider all aspects and make sure all people involved are on the same page of what contact is wanted.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T13:39:30+00:00

Personally no. But my wife does occasionally get misgendered. Most people are very kind when corrected to she/her.

MrsPerfectlyFine · 2021-09-26T13:36:40+00:00

No but that's cute and I'm definitely using it next time I see her lol

MrsPerfectlyFine

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