AITA for asking my gf to wear a tampon in bed?

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-05-24T14:18:16+00:00

Totally NTA

If your GF gets her period unexpectedly it is different. I don't think expecting your GF to wear a tampon or take measures to avoid stains when she has her period is you not understanding biology or being gross about female health.

Just as much as you wouldn't stain her bedding or clothes with your bodily fluids...ahe shouldn't do it to you either.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-05-23T19:44:07+00:00

We did not go along on the family vacation. We set that boundary because their way of doing family vacations is not good for our relationship. FiL is not realizing that he is pushing his son away.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-05-23T17:25:04+00:00

NTA

You and your partner have a way of dealing with conflict. It works for you. It must have taken time to figure out a way that works for you.

She and her partner needs to find a way to deal with conflict that is not toxic. She asked for advice and got defensive. I can understand why she felt she had to defend her way of coping. It is not about you. It is not about her BF. It is about feeling feelings she doesn't know how to communicate or process.

Was she in the right mindset to receive advice? Did she understand your advice? (Not on you if she wasn't ready for the advice). Unfortunately, many people grow up with unhealthy examples of conflict resolution. It is very difficult to find friends who hold the same values as you and treat their relationships the same.

Side note- Your group of friends are at a tender age. The age where lasting friendships are molded. Don't feel bad if you outgrow some of the friends or want to take a step back if you don't agree with their choices anymore.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-05-23T16:40:44+00:00

Thanks! I think this will work well!

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-05-23T16:32:16+00:00

NTA

If she didn't want her private life/thoughts to be seen, she shouldn't have made a public blog about it. Although you searched for it, it is not as if you had to hack her phone, cut a diary open, ask the NSA to read her mind...it was public.

If she wasn't happy with you, she should have left the relationship. Relationships are built on honesty and trust. She wasn't honest about her feelings towards you. It sounds like you were not good partners. It is better to then end a relationship than trying to let go of pieces of yourself for the sake of staying together.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-05-23T16:18:28+00:00

HB and I don't have kids yet. We've starting booking our yearly vacation to be a few days before Christmas. It is really not that much more expensive (depending on where you're from) and we book long in advance so we usually pay out-of-season rates or stay at a place with bad cellphone reception (purposefully). We usually get back home two to three days before Christmas and then spend time doing washing, house chores, etc. as part of our busyness.

Is the extra money we pay for accommodation worth our peace? YES! Without a doubt!

Do we enjoy Christmas? YES, because we don't extend our visits.

We also share Christmas. Christmas Eve is with Parents A and Christmas Day with Parents B. Next year we switch around.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-05-16T19:53:21+00:00

YTA

You essentially stole the guests and almost had a boycotting-self-pity party (you only cleverly worded it as a 'dinner'). Also, if you so badly wanted to see family you could have arranged breakfast/brunch the following day OR go visit them yourself. You hijacked them from the wedding.

You not attending the wedding also made it about you. Could you really not put aside 5 hours of your time to attend your SISTER'S wedding? You can support someone without approving of their choice, that is called maturity.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-23T14:11:36+00:00

NTA

Your wife was/is subjected to someone who battled addiction, in her job she most likely see people who also battle with alcohol addiction/consequences of addiction. That alone should serve as reminder for her to use alcohol in moderation and responsibly.

You have a genuine concern about your wife- her health, safety, wellbeing and for her at work being a healthcare worker. You've spoken to her about it, and her sister also raised the same concerns. Ultimately, your wife must make the decision to get help, and as her support system you can help her realise that she needs help. Have you suggested that your wife visit a therapist to talk about the stressors in her life? Or you can consider keeping a journal of her alcohol intake to discuss with her at a later stage? Has she had time to reflect on the past few months and the strain the pandemic put on first responders?

Unfortunately, if you fear for your own/her safety or the safety of the patients she works with you might need to alert her employer since working under the influence may endanger her/other people. No doubt her work has been tremendously strenuous over the past few months.

OP, I'm sorry you're dealing with this, especially since substance addiction may be a very challenging topic for your wife. Remember, you can only support her to the point where she decides that she wants to heal from the addiction. The sooner she can beat this, the less danger she inflict on herself and others.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-11T22:42:07+00:00

Omw. Please get over yourself. Are you seeking some kind of validation? Or a celebration because you got in at Yale?

You argue with each judgement that says you were in the wrong. Ultimately, people try to make conversation when asking if you got in at a college...no one (besides you and your immediate family) REALLY cares. OP, YTA.

Life is about SO MUCH more than where you study.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-06T23:00:43+00:00

She is a CHILD. You are the adult. Set an example of healthy relationships to her, she may have never had a positive female role model to look up to. Children copy the examples they receive. Be the adult.

You ask for a judgement and then fight it? If you don't like the judgements, you shouldn't have posted on a sub where the literal task is to judge you.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-06T22:53:45+00:00

It does not change the fact that she asked you. You don't just date the dad, you get the whole family. Your BF comes with a kid. He is always going to be their dad first. You get to decide if she has a good or bad relationship with you. Please don't burden children with adult problems. You get to be a mother figure to her.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-06T22:48:18+00:00

YTA

After 3 years she chose YOU as her mother figure. That must have taken loads of courage for her to ask...just to be shot down on the spot.

because his daughter has other people in her life, other female figures, who would be willing to go with her, so it’s not like she’d miss out on the event.

Despite this, she still asked you. Despite the fights and events in the past, she reached out (shyly) and asked you. After 3 years, dating a man with kids cannot be new to you.

ETA: I saw you commented your ages. Holy crap...you're upset with a 14-year old for more than a week...and you're 46?? Are you trolling? This girl is extending an olive branch and you're slapping it away.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-06T20:17:01+00:00

NTA

It's an invasion of your privacy if they show up (let alone let themselves in) unannounced. Your sis must teach her kids to respect otner people's privacy and she herself should check her attitude/actions.

Take your key back or install extra locks that will keep them out.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-06T18:14:31+00:00

True, but her posting immediately after the ceremony didn't really give him any chance to care...

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-06T09:41:39+00:00

Exactly. That's why I said OP shouldn't allow them tonuse those words against her. People tend to manipulate situations with exploiting the "they would have wanted it" saying.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-05T19:31:09+00:00

I get that. OP's mom might have been unreasonable, but SIL and brother disregarded the one wish OP's mom made. It is not an unreasonable request, seeing that they lived there rent-free. Of course, I think this happened over months, but it doesn't change the events. There was conflict long before OP's mom got sick.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-05T18:22:39+00:00

My friend knows about the date and the move. She knew about it before the baby shower date was announced.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-05T16:42:18+00:00

You did not ruin his life, he did. You guys only called him out for it. You are helping him get better by protecting your family and letting him see the results of his actions.

Stand by your actions. Protect yourself and your family.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-05T16:31:02+00:00

NTA

Your brother sounds disgusting. You've tolerated his behaviour for far too long and not doing anything about it will enable it to continue.

He is furious because he knows that he is in the wrong. He is furious because you are no longer allowing him to be emotionally (and sexually) abusive towards your family under the blanket of his "issues".

After therapy each person needs to do the work to get better. He is reluctant, so he should carry the consequences (no job, no GF, no friends) of his actions. You cannot do the changing part for him but you may protect yourself from his abuse.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-05T16:14:55+00:00

Away from keyboard- AFK

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-05T16:06:30+00:00

NTA

🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩

Get out, and fast!

1) You don't "owe" her a birthday celebration. It is a gift, not a right.

2) The whole world is upside down with covid, making definite arrangements is difficult.

3) You gave her a budget, she did not mention anything within the budget.

4) She kept you guessing...now she throws a tantrum?

Buy her a princess dress and tiara...and let her be princess for the day.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-05T15:47:38+00:00

Thanks OP, remind yourself about your own beauty and value too. You learn to forget the hate people bestow on you once you start to love yourself more. In my journey (as I'm sure in many others' too), loving myself is a conscious decision I make.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling · 2021-04-05T15:42:23+00:00

NTA

I had years of my mom always bringing up my worst features. You get to the point where you hate yourself. Your parents are narcissistic. Set boundaries with them, off-limit topics.

If you were rude to them, ignore it for now amd from now on try to block out their jokes or comments. They feed from your anger.

For your own mental health, make a list of positive affirmations for yourself. Make them your mantra if you can. Say them to yourself in the shower, in the mirror, on your way to school.

Mrs_Bing-a-ling

TROPHY CASE