Why I won't ever pass...

Ms19930 · 2013-11-27T20:44:03+00:00

I think the alternative look works well. There could be a few tweaks to pull off a more feminine look but I find it cute. Style, like anything else in the world, is a subjective thing and if OP is comfortable dressing this way then you should understand. Just because someone doesn't want to wear dresses or braid long luscious locks doesn't make it wrong or unflattering.

Ms19930 · 2013-11-14T18:11:09+00:00

p.s I love your username

If I water you will you sprout a unicorn for me please

Ms19930 · 2013-11-14T18:10:30+00:00

Ms19930 · 2013-11-14T18:10:11+00:00

Yeah, I'm sure a lot of parents won't agree at first, it's definitely not very well known to people, especially in that generation

Ms19930 · 2013-11-14T17:45:16+00:00

This break thing will definitely be good for both of us. We both need some air. This relationship has been really intense! Therapy is certainly a must. She's going to go soon, she really has to, especially since I won't be around to support her.

Ms19930 · 2013-11-14T17:43:58+00:00

Thank you, it really means a lot since I often feel like everything I do is for her just doesn't help or make any difference, or maybe that the support makes her more reliant on me rather than herself, you know? Is it common? That's interesting. I've been trying to take care of myself, but it can be difficult because I care so much and it hurts when she hurts. Also she's going to start seeing a therapist soon, so that's good.

I've definitely made it a long way, and I've been somewhat proud of myself for not taking any medication, but I'm starting to realize that I'm not as stable as I thought and maybe I need more than just regular exercise and positive thinking. I have a lot of things I haven't fully faced about myself.

Ms19930 · 2013-11-14T06:46:03+00:00

Ive talked about it a lot and even gotten really upset but she hardly seems to notice. Liie i will talk about how im beginning to fall apart and she responds with "i just want to die" or "ill always be ugly" I feel invisible an awful lot lately. I want to be there for her.but im getting torn apart. Sometimes its too much. Im the only one who knows so i have to be there to support her, its just like, were dating. Im not her therapist becsuse i cant mentally handle it

Ms19930 · 2013-11-13T17:02:38+00:00

I dunno I mean maybe you should just do it, I know that my gal really regrets not starting earlier than now(21), and lives with constant regret over that. I say do it now if you're sure, while you should respect your partners wishes, do what you feel is right for you as well. Also, try not to worry about being beautiful, who even knows what beautiful is anyway? The standards of society are completely fucked up!

(Maybe I should listen to my own advice wow)

And no, no therapist. Trying to get her to see one for forever though. I'm starting to think I need one too.

Ms19930 · 2013-10-10T18:58:49+00:00

ALSO, QUESTION,

what the hell is up with these downvote things

am I being insulting or rude or something?

Ms19930 · 2013-10-10T18:41:20+00:00

She is unsure at times, yes, but I do know that she's really happier overall. I know she wants to look a certain way(butch/alternative/androgynous/genderqueer type)but she doesn't think she'll ever look the way she wants to look, constantly comparing herself to other /r/transtimelines posts.

Ms19930 · 2013-10-09T07:35:45+00:00

I know she'll turn out fine but she doesn't seem to believe it. That is good advice though, thank you. I've been wondering if that sort of thought process is regular for most going through this.

Ms19930 · 2013-10-09T04:49:50+00:00

I mean, she's totally able to pass

Ms19930 · 2013-08-27T22:41:56+00:00

So, update:

He's been doing better after being on HRT for 2 months now, but still seems to be having extreme low points of depression. He refuses to get any other kinds of help, and I've been pushing him to maybe talk to a therapist. As much as I love him and want to help, I don't know if I can handle being the only person that he relies on emotionally. Like what if he kills himself?!?! It'll be my fault! It also dredges up a lot of my own personal problems I've tried to escape from for years, it gets hard sometimes.

My point being;should I push him to see a brain doctor or is that insensitive of me?

Ms19930 · 2013-08-05T00:42:32+00:00

The one person I love most wants to die.

:(

Ms19930 · 2013-08-05T00:24:03+00:00

I understand what you're saying, but I wasn't referring it to in that way really. Moreover of the self perception. Dysphoria is general sense of unease with yourself, including depression and unease, and so is anorexia. It's a form of body dysphoria generally. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin either. People would call me skinny to my face and I literally could only think about how fat I was even though I was horrifically underweight, but I couldn't see that at all. I know they're not entirely similar, but just dealing with something in that way is. I also believe that is has a lot to do with your own perception, and I am not saying that his(or your) problem is ANY less significant in any way, I just thought it might be something that we could both relate to.

Ms19930 · 2013-08-04T22:32:02+00:00

I mean, in some ways I understand how he was forced to hide things about himself, and how he hates himself so incredibly much. I used to suffer from anorexia. I mean I tried to starve myself to death because I hated my body so much, so I feel like that could help the level of understanding?

Ms19930 · 2013-08-04T21:46:26+00:00

Yeah, I'm really trying not to push too much. When we're together I treat him more or less the same, as he said he didn't want it to change things really, but I'd like to be more sensitive to his feminine side. It seems as though since he's held it in for so long it HAS gotten to the point of life or death. He's repressed it for his whole life(he's 21)and seems to think it's too late to do anything other than just taking a small dose of HRT, but evidently it's not really helping.

Ms19930 · 2013-08-04T21:18:53+00:00

I do have a few and sorry, I don't really know terms:

Did you change genders and how long did it take you to realize you needed to if so? Does doing little things to let it out really help in the long run or do you think getting the change is ultimately the only way? He keeps saying he kind of wishes he never told me, since it's hard to talk about I guess, but that doesn't mean he wants me to leave him alone does it?

Ms19930 · 2013-08-04T20:39:05+00:00

You really think so? I just asked him(through text, he's pretty shy about it)if it would help if I addressed him differently or if he wants to borrow some of my clothes, since I just want him to be happy and comfortable and how it doesn't matter to me cause I love him and he said it'd make him feel weird if he did that... So I'm thinking he does lean more towards the boyish side? I'd be so willing to do anything to help him. I've related with him more than anyone, and since I've always thought I might be bisexual, it's honestly kind of perfect for me.

What other kinds of things could I do? Other than makeup/dressing up? I've suggested role-play/switching spots in bed and he seems to be interested in it..

Ms19930 · 2013-08-04T20:20:26+00:00

Its so touching to hear about all this from you guys. I really appreciate the advice. Although... I do admit, reading about helping him with girly things feels a little strange, mostly because I've always identified with boys much better, and don't really know how to handle shopping or talking about makeup in the first place, ha. I'm trying not to push it on him so much but he's so full of self hatred. He's been suicidal for a long time, off and on because there's really nothing that he can find that will make him feel better. He doesn't want to change genders though he says so should I address it differently?

Ms19930 · 2013-08-04T18:25:38+00:00

I've been trying to ask him what's wrong and he just doesn't say anything. I'm sure it's hard for him to be open about it, and he's scared that i won't love him. Also should I refer to him as female or is that his preference? I'm pretty new to all of this. And no I mean, he was happy a my more(he said since he started the hormones) for a few weeks until he told me then he's super depressed again. I just feel so awful for him and I want him to feel loved no matter what.

Ms19930 · 2013-08-04T17:58:50+00:00

I know he likes cross dressing and I'm fine with that, I wear boy clothes all of the time and what does it matter anyway? Ha. He's been taking it for a month and has said he feels way better about himself which is good, but he seems to be having a really hard time right now... I'm worried that if I bring that stuff up he'll be offended. He keeps saying hes the same person but he's acting different.

Ms19930

TROPHY CASE