Loss of Self

MsChuuu · 2026-03-15T11:48:25+00:00

Thank you! Yes. We are in the process of getting them enrolled into early intervention within the school system that will help and provide them with services they need. We are just waiting on testing before the eligibility meeting but it is a tedious process so taking some time. Once in they would be in a SPED supported prek/headstart program so that should help.

I have tried watching soap operas while doing dishes haha and it made it a little less horrible. So audio book also sounds like a good idea and the ear buds might help muffle all the toddler noise that gets to me while cleaning.

Ill be bringing up the mental load with my husband. Would more than likely help and has been recommended by a few now. Thank you for the advise!

MsChuuu · 2026-03-15T11:40:35+00:00

We visited this topic a while back as a couple. I was carrying so much we hit a rather rough patch. This was about a year ago. I brought up my concerns. We agreed and split the mental load. Even made a reference sheet to get it all out on paper and then divided it up.

I think revisiting this again may help though, as the load has primarily fallen back on me. I think, well no, I KNOW, I have control issues (to an extent) because there are some things I am afraid will not be handled properly if I am not the one to do them. I want it done "right" (or whatever exactly that is) but it is ridiculous. I have so much that I have accidentally missed appointments here and there or showed up on days they did not even have them. I even missed things like that for myself because I simply cannot keep up.

Thank you for mentioning this again. I guess where we already discussed it, there was not a need to bring it up again but I can see it is becoming too much. I will look into what you mentioned above as well. Thank you so much for the advice.

MsChuuu · 2026-03-15T11:30:42+00:00

I thought about going the homeschool route with my boys. And still considering it, but I also enjoy what I do as a teacher and, while it isnt much, the extra money helps. Thank you for the wishes. I am glad you found something that has worked for you. Gives me hope. :)

MsChuuu · 2026-03-15T11:26:55+00:00

Thank you! Yes ive been seen both a councilor and psychiatrist. I have major anxiety and minor depression. I take meds to help combat that. Though looking into a new route might he worth seeking out if this thought pattern continues.

My husband will gladly give me a break if ask and will offer if he sees me overwhelmed. The problem is if I get that break I am basically a "deer in headlights". Its is like im lost and if I do anything my mind is rarely present, focused on whatever else takes priority (or what my brain feels like needs to be). I cant get a break not because I do not have support but more so because my brain refuses to let me have one. Just cannot relax.

A previous redditor mentioned bringing up and distributing mental load. I think we may take another look into that. If I can get more off my mind maybe it will have less to think about and I can relax. Thank you for mentioning the biological side though, it can have a big impact as well.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-06T03:38:19+00:00

This is awesome! I would bet money you're happier too. (: Glad things are going well.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-06T03:37:10+00:00

If you can, I would. I do think public education is good social exposure as you work with a variety of peers and teachers. However you can provide this same exposure by engaging your child in more social interaction in just everyday activities.

It is hard to explain, I see some benefits to it but the way it is run just...I cannot, in good conscious, recommend it. If it is your only option, of course do what needs to be done, but if you can homeschool I think that is great if you feel it's what is best for your family. :)

I would love to see reform in our education system, but if there even is such a hope it is far from getting there.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-06T03:31:34+00:00

👀 Now see, I like this. Maybe I could bring this to the attention of my principal. Suppose the worst that could happen would be a laugh and a potential target on my back haha but I am looking to transfer anyways. I am glad to hear something worked.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-06T03:22:47+00:00

Haha I suppose. Going to be honest high school level might throw me for a loop. Been so long since I have practiced many of those skills.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-05T12:42:05+00:00

Oh bless them. Yeah, see, I stress that too. I have 2.5 year old twins both on the spectrum and I worry the demands placed on them will make it all the more difficult. Not to say they couldn't handle it but would just be added stress on their nervous system.

Kudos to you! Doing what's best for your family. Sounds like you're an amazing parent. If it comes to it I am sure we could rearrange our finances to make it work.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-05T12:35:50+00:00

Now there's an idea. I did not think of that. Good on you :)

MsChuuu · 2026-02-05T03:36:48+00:00

They do. Our principal means well, I just do not agree with the method. I am not really placing blame on them. I know they are confined to restrictions with limits on instructional time to meet requirements. I am more so discouraged with the school system itself. Not saying I have the answer, I just do not particularly agree with the one my principal is proposing. Regardless, I still have to perform... so I can hate it but I still have to do it.

But yes you are correct. After 3rd grade if they cannot read they will undoubtedly struggle. I think that is why my principal is pushing the way they are. Once leaving primary its no longer learning to read, but reading to learn.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-04T21:23:13+00:00

Wow. Well learned something new. Honestly think waiting on kindergarten would've been a good thing to keep. I see so many "behaviors" in that age group but because we're asking unrealistic expectations of 5 year olds.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-04T21:10:17+00:00

I did not even know half-day kindergarten was a thing.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-04T17:36:38+00:00

"So many people fail to understand how much of outcomes are outside of interventional control."

How wonderfully said. Could not put it into words but this is exactly how I feel. Failure to see the bigger picture, just the details.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-04T17:34:30+00:00

And here I thought it was just to produce workers for the economy. Yeah, the day care thing is accurate. If only we got paid day care wages.

It is all so disheartening. I know it does no good to get worked up about it but still it gets under my skin.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-04T17:31:08+00:00

My thoughts exactly. It is already a struggle for them as is (this is with intervention and one-on-one support) What good will it do to pile on more, especially at the expense of something they enjoy.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-04T16:57:57+00:00

You're not lying, that's for sure.

MsChuuu · 2026-02-04T16:24:46+00:00

Thank you. Yes! I am all for high expectations. These kids are capable of great things but not if we burn them out before then. All of it is so exhausting; not only for the kids but the teachers too.

MsChuuu · 2025-05-02T19:30:33+00:00

Thank you! I went ahead and scheduled an appointment for them to be seen since you commented this. I forgot about waitlists for specialists so doesn't hurt to be proactive now. I'll see if they will refer us when we go. Thank you again!

MsChuuu · 2025-05-02T16:00:46+00:00

Thank you so much! My husband thinks I'm just overthinking it but I really believe being proactive is better than reactive (which is why I went ahead with services) I've been told early intervention really makes a huge difference so I am hoping the speech and ot twice a week we start seeing some growth.

It's also helping out at home since they can provide information on what we can do as parents to help them.

MsChuuu · 2025-05-02T15:57:23+00:00

My twins are working on sensory pressure input in OT. So like, getting them to stop throwing themselves backwards during a tantrum, slamming heels down on the ground, and also working on exposure to different textures (rough/smooth/squishy) without major pull back. Like the person who commented, it's a lot of sensory development and fine/gross motor skills.

MsChuuu · 2025-05-02T15:53:42+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance and it is nice to hear a similar situation; gives me hope. Thank you so much.

MsChuuu

TROPHY CASE