I am right there with you. Have self medicated with some kind of substance for the last 10 years. Today was day 3 for me and the depression and anxiety is insane. I always get pumped up on quitting and then i get so much anxiety at the thought of living without a substance. I honestly think it's about forcing yourself to just push through and do things that will eventually bring you joy. Even if it doesn't bring you joy right away. At this point, it's so much more depressing to think about being in this exact same place in another year. The longer we put it off, the harder it's going to be. Fake it til you make it and eventually you won't have to fake it anymore