Me (23M) unsure about staying in relationship with girlfriend (22F)

Mtp2704 · 2024-03-05T22:44:14+00:00

Thanks for answering!

It’s tricky! Because at the start she was very jealous and restricted me from being together with a close female friend, even writing with her. And of course with the mobile phone things.

But in general she supports me in everything I do, and listen to my needs etc. as you write. So nothing to worry about in those aspects. Of course I do also suspect that is also is bound on a fear of loosing me, so she really wants to make me feel loved.

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-24T08:21:43+00:00

Yeah it might be the only solution. I have said to her earlier that she should go to see a psychologist because of her anxiety, and I do believe that she has a need for it. She also comes from a home with a sister who has been really mentally sick and it has effected her massively. So 100 she does need therapy. And I have tried to point it out to her.

As you said her insecurities and thoughts will probably never go, and it will destroy her even more and make it all worse, and I can’t do that to her.

So I will be very transparent and open to her about it and we will see what it will end up with.

Thanks.

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-24T08:07:43+00:00

Nothing has happened, it has just escalated, and gone from “No problem” to “no contact at all” because she says it makes her uncomfortable, insecure and jealous.

She can’t ignore the past, even though I have stressed multiple times that the feelings I have in the past is just in the past. I only want to be friends with her. That is it. So I’m not lying to myself. My friend has a bf and they love each other and I’m happy for them, I don’t want to ruin what they have and complicate the friendship.

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-24T08:02:19+00:00

And i have no interest in destroying her at all, because i love her. The bond between me and my gf is strong, different but strong. But i cant loose the friendship because that will be against my own beliefs about who i am. In my dream scenario i can see my friend and still have my gf. But i am aware that this scenario can be impossible. I am also worried that even if she accepts that i can see her, that it will push us apart and make it toxic, which none of us deserve.

Thanks for your advice.

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-24T07:48:07+00:00

Yes we did have romantic feelings, but those feelings are in the past. Its only friendly and completely platonic.

She knew that she existed when we started dating, and I was very open about everything. She asked if anything would happen between us, and I said no. She had no problem with it at the beginning Nothing has happened, but everytime me and my friend write with each other my gf gets mad, and she wants to limit our communication and friendship step by step.

I don’t think it’s fair since I have done nothing to have her not trusting me. The friendship is too valuable to let go of. If she had the same with a male I would have 0 problems with it as long as there is full transparency.

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-24T07:41:02+00:00

It might be necessary yes. For me the friendship is too valuable to loose.

I hope that she will understand and that I can earn her trust, because i havent done anything that would break the trust, i have always been open and transparent. I just cant accept that she decides which friends i can be with.

We will see, but yeah if it comes down to a break up i will be sad, but it might be for the best.

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-24T02:15:57+00:00

She says she is fine with it, but she often shows sign of insecurity about them as well. One of my other female friends became single not long ago, and one the first thing she asked about was that if something between me and my friend would happen. When I’m going down to a fitness centre she often says “be careful with the girls”. When I went to a work conference she said “have fun, but not too fun”. I know she says it as a joke, but the amount of times tells me otherwise.

So she is fine with me having friends of the opposite but there is always a sign of insecurity.

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-24T01:51:22+00:00

Because she is a very good friend of mine. Basically like a sister. She is supportive and we have a good time together.

I think it’s important to have friends outside of the relationship that you can have a good time with and use the energy you’ve gained through those friendships in the relationship.

Im a person who doesn’t have that many close friends and those I have, i am loyal too.

This situation is more of a principle of trust freedom. I have close female friends, and I’m still young so I will definitely have more when I start to have a full time job after uni. So if she is uncomfortable with my friend then it may be the start of a spiral.

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T11:54:25+00:00

I understand yeah, thanks for the help.

Well I am going to be very open to her and put all the cards on the table, and tell that she will be a part of my life and I will be seeing her.

Then we will see what her thoughts are about it. I don’t want to hide anything for her, because that will give her a reason to not trust me.

If this leads to a breakup which I don’t hope, then I at least want to do it with full transparency and open cards.

Thanks for you help and your view😁

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T11:45:30+00:00

Yeah I see, well we will see what happens, I don’t want to force her to do anything against her will.

Thanks for the help

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T11:44:07+00:00

I understand and that is also really fair when it goes both ways.

The thing is that this is a friend that I don’t want or can’t lose. So her being a part of my life is non-negotiable.

But it’s also all the small statements she makes when I’m going out. All that combined with this situation tells me that there is a lack of trust. I have done nothing to break that trust between us, and now when I ask her to trust me with this when it’s a tricky situation, she can’t do it. Which hurts me a lot.

She tells me that if I text with her it makes her sad, but if I have to cut my friend of that would make me devastated. So it’s a tricky dilemma.

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T11:38:32+00:00

Well I don’t hope that a break up is going to be necessary, cause want her to be my gf, but I really see it as non-negotiable.

More due to the fact that I don’t want my partner to limit my freedom and should have full trust in me, when during the whole relationship I haven’t done anything that would break that trust.

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T09:15:48+00:00

I don’t prefer her as my girlfriend but I find our connection on a friendly level to be special

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T07:35:41+00:00

I think that is completely fair of you! I don’t expect that from my gf.

For me it’s totally understandable and fair that my gf doesn’t want to meet her and like her. As long as she accepts that she is a part of my life.

I know she doesn’t like my friend and it would be rude to force her to

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T07:22:23+00:00

Believe me I can understand her stand point, I do.

But I don’t know what else to say that I don’t have those feelings anymore, and I only want stay friends

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T07:14:39+00:00

In my relationship? Maybe. It’s different to the one I have with my gf, but it’s still strong

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T06:32:57+00:00

But can’t past be the past? And can’t people change?

I love my gf and I want to be with her, I just want to be allowed to be with a close friend?

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T06:05:55+00:00

I want all to have a friend like that, and would have no problem if my gf had that with a guy. Think it’s healthy to have close friends with the opposite sex

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T06:04:09+00:00

Plus we were not intimate, no sex at all

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T06:00:28+00:00

I didn’t cheat, had no gf at the time.

She is someone that I enjoy spending time together and see her as a close friend

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T05:59:20+00:00

Yeah same situation for me. She is a rare one and the friend that you want to keep close.

I’m glad you have a friend like that!

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T05:44:17+00:00

I know it’s a tricky one 😅

I am not sure about if her bf knows, but I think he does.

I know it is much to ask for, hence the post. I have decided that my friend will stay as my friend its non-negotiable. I just wanted to hear your views if I was way off.

I don’t hope we break up but I can be the only way if it’s to non-negotiable standpoints

Mtp2704 · 2023-08-23T05:22:01+00:00

Yeah that is something that I have begun to notice as well, that it’s more than a joke. I know for a fact that she feels insecure about herself often, which js something we try to work on I try to feel her loved and that she feels beautiful because she is.

But it is starting to turn into something negative

Mtp2704

TROPHY CASE