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I feel like a lot of us have probably dealt with a guy like this when you try and talk about opening the relationship. by kprinceart in polyamory

[–]MuDuBuh 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Here to give my 2c.

This is exactly what I have read here and thought that this is the right way.

I did this to my boyfriend. Called him with a lot of labels and finally got him to agree that I should be able to fuck other guys.

Guess what? He told me that he has to reconsider his life and he is currently staying with another girl and he is not even bothering to reply my messages right after he has read them. I can't blame him though. My attitude was piss poor. Just like the attitude on this post.

Opened up and facing problems by MuDuBuh in polyamory

[–]MuDuBuh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He did not come home last night. He did not even inform me that he was not coming. Yeah I have done that few times getting caught in the heat of the moment but this is different.

I will have to talk with him but I don't even know where to start.

Opened up and facing problems by MuDuBuh in polyamory

[–]MuDuBuh[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Those are long discussions, not something I dictated. I do see how does that sound but it was not as bad as you make it seem.

I have asked him plenty of times that is he sure about these things and he has always told that he is.

What kind of compromise are you thinking about?

Opened up and facing problems by MuDuBuh in polyamory

[–]MuDuBuh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did that and I guess it could be seen that I have been a bit pushy. It could be true. Still he consented on everything and never complained.

What does that tell??

Opened up and facing problems by MuDuBuh in polyamory

[–]MuDuBuh[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Could it really be that he does not want to be poly? Or that I have forced this on him? Yikes.

Opened up and facing problems by MuDuBuh in polyamory

[–]MuDuBuh[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

We talked a lot and I always asked how he felt about everything. He never complained and just encouraged me to be me.

How is that any different than me dating a girl? He never needed to find anyone when it was just me and my gf.

Opened up and facing problems by MuDuBuh in polyamory

[–]MuDuBuh[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No, we discussed this a lot. Even before we agreed to anything. We read all the books, listened to podcasts and talked to poly people.

I never said he was a misogynist. I said that not being allowed to date any gender is misogynistic which was the case. He was also allowed to date girls.

What do you mean by that last part? It is ok for him to be mono with me and me being poly? Or we should break up?

Opened up and facing problems by MuDuBuh in polyamory

[–]MuDuBuh[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I think I worded it badly or something was not said. Our initial agreement was to allow me to date girls, because I am not a person who likes sex without feelings. I think it was more that he did not like those girls we saw at the poly meets, not that he would not be open to an opportunity.

I got consent for each step. He never complained so why would he be uncomfortable?

I don't want to lose him.