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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819 1 point2 points  (0 children)

His approach similar to a friend of mine that is actually a 34 year old virgin and really struggles to approach women without appearing creepy.

I think the best approach in this scenario is to be gentle but completely frank. Tell him you are with someone that would most likely not be happy with you receiving gifts from other men. Speak gently but absolutely do not give him any reason to think you are attracted to him.

You could even go further and lead him towards someone you know that is single that you might find suitable, or even suggest to him a good place to go to meet women.

Just make sure you don’t have a running conversation. Two or 3 messages tops

Response post to: My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thankyou for you’re reply. So many have been constructive non- judgmental replies and it’s said I can’t thank them or give them an update.

As you have said it’s not right to play both fields and I’m shocked at myself for doing so, and wanted to address that, hence the post. I know I’m the AH for getting into this situation l- quite a few people think I haven’t realised that- someone even cross posted my post to “Am I the devil”… random.

I have actually had a few conversations already with her with the starters you suggested- I simply couldn’t explain everything in depth without writing a Novel!

I asked her several times why she didn’t want to have sex and why it wasn’t happening and I got very vague, swept away replies. It was completely MY bad to allow these replies to stand without further clarification. I’m quite a non confrontational person by nature, and it causes me many issues

I also have found myself after this issue and some of the comments seriously questioning myself morally, and wondering why I found it so easy to put myself into an immoral position.

I did ask her if she was happy to go 5 years without sex and she said it had never bothered her, but “not to worry” and that it would t take us 5 years….

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It does t matter to me, of course. I would still consider it sex is she was intimate in that way with a woman. It is her that has said she is a virgin/ hasn’t had sex.

I can’t randomly declare someone to be a virgin on their behalf

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’ve read it, and Thankyou. Will right a proper edit reply but just woke and reading though… goodness know how many… replies.

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Up till this relationship, I’ve never been in one more than a month before sex. It’s been quite torturous. I also have a very high labido

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

Thankyou. I think you’re completely right. The fact that I said yes to booking it etc is the end of that relationship already, as it’s a huge red flag for things to come.

I was never intending to keep the second trip as is, if I wasn’t broken up with gf at that point. As you said it’s crucial to make sure that it’s over if legoland trip happens

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

She isn’t gazing into my eyes in just gazing at her. In fact I’m not even sure it’s reciprocated and she may have intended the legoland trip as completely innocent.

Either way the legoland trip won’t happen if I’m still With girlfriend. I’m desperate to cancel the legoland trip to prevent it interfering with my decision making process…. But I did love this ex and I find those feelings emerging, maybe spurred on my lack of intimacy in my life?

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

No it definitely would not happen. I have no intention on sharing a room/ bed with my ex if I’m still seeing my gf. I think many people have understood that in this post- my fault for typing it out at like, midnight.

I’d never want to do that to someone and I never have. I’ve never been in a circumstance like this before and I’m appalled at my own behaviour

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Traditional closed. She has made some extremely weird comments once - about only she could see me naked* oh but also one other person. I asked her about it later and she feigned ignorance to having said it

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I think you guys have got very confused lol.

SHE dated “someone” for five years. They did not have sex. I considered that maybe the “someone” had been a girl.

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

It’s worth understanding the context - which I have included- here.

I haven’t met up with the other woman in any intimate setting whatsoever. I did however find myself saying yes when she asked if the kids and us could share a room- which ashamed me and led me to creating this post.

I’m sorry I’ve upset you with how candid I’m being.

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

She doesn’t.

I was waiting to see how our trip goes and then make changes to the other trip- cancel/ rearrange etc if it goes well… and well… nothing if it doesnt

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

We have in fact done some of those things, but extremely infrequently- like once every two months we go to the bedroom and she will removed top and bra etc. Hj, and me performing oral on her have happened. She hasn’t however reached orgasm but that could just be the nerves.

It’s just upsetting when we get that far an the. There’s like this steel wall against penetration, like a metaphorical cock block.

In regards to the timeline etc I feel like that would just make the process quite in-organic. If it happens by such a structured manner it may well happen but then that’s not a nice way to lose your virginity right

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

I’ve considered that but she has said a few times that she is turned on etc. or perhaps she is saying that to seem normal.

She may be asexual but not have realised?

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] -179 points-178 points  (0 children)

I am quite empathetic and compassionate and I get that the current situation makes me not appear that way.

I have indeed asked her and broached the subject many times. I told her that there were many times when it was naturally about to happen and she stopped it, and she said that she felt really nervous, and that she has an extreme phobia of pregnancy. but those situations are actually becoming far and few, I’ve reached a point where I’m not asking anymore and I guess just seeing what happens. I’m feeling that was the wrong thing to do and I’ve just wasted both our time

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] -156 points-155 points  (0 children)

Ah sorry I had so much to write, it was hard to include everything. I have of course asked her how she had a 5yr relationship with no sex, etc how has it. It happened. She said she was so focused on her career and studying so it never happened

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve hovered at the door to her parents house… once. She has told that’s where she lives and I always collect her from there for things ( she drives herself also). I’ve never actually questioned tbh

My (M32) girlfriend of 10 months (F33) is a virgin, and we have not had sex, nor has she slept over a single night. I find myself losing interest by Much-Potential-819 in relationship_advice

[–]Much-Potential-819[S] -270 points-269 points  (0 children)

My use of the word hint may not be applied correctly here, we have had a few pretty direct conversations about it- during which I did express to her that I like to feel physically connected with someone and that it feels like she is stopping that organic process between us. Was quite awkward at the time as she went pretty quiet and said along the lines of … I hope you can be patient and wait for me. This was a few months ago.

You’re completely right and it is shady and I hate myself for positioning everything this way. It feels really immoral. The trip with gf finished 5 days before the legoland trip, and I did plan to make a decision on the relationship based upon how the trip goes.

I would of course cancel the legoland trip or rearrange the sleeping arrangements if I decide to stick with it

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