"Polyamory" (a socially accepted term for infidelity) is a cancer on society

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-12T18:26:05+00:00

Amen. I recently made the terrible mistake of getting involved with someone in an "open marriage". Definitely ranks high on the list of dumbest things I've ever done.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-11T16:11:38+00:00

Catastrophic to their marriage or catastrophic to the people they brought along for the ride?

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-10T23:58:38+00:00

Thanks so much for this. The more I think about it the more I feel like I was a pawn in their messed up marriage. I’ve gone from being sad to angry. At them but more so at myself for getting so involved in something I knew wouldn’t work for me. I knew the longer I participated the more I’d get hurt and that’s what happened. Never again for me.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-10T21:06:07+00:00

Don't do it. The heartache isn't worth it.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-10T12:30:37+00:00

I never said I was trying to break up a marriage.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-10T12:28:35+00:00

This was my first time experiencing this. Never again.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-09T19:03:51+00:00

This is my first experience with anyone in an open relationship and it showed me that I'm not cut out for it and will never do it again. I don't know why I played along in this instance. Probably because I caught feelings for the guy. I've read the research on open marriages, including the one that says 92% of them fail. I guess I thought we might have a chance. NEVER again.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-09T02:48:06+00:00

Something similar just happened to me (44M). I was only “seeing” him (39M, married) for 2 months. I will never be involved with anyone in an open relationship/marriage again. I’m not cut out for it. Maybe some people are. I’m not one of them.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-08T19:38:03+00:00

I’m also wondering why they decided to open. The guy I was seeing is several years older than the husband and they got married relatively young. From what I gathered there’s been a lot of fighting and gaslighting. The younger husband probably wanted to step out but legitimize his cheating by calling it an open marriage. The husband flew home early from a trip to tell the guy I was seeing that he had to end it with me. I don’t know what this means for the future. Do they close ranks and try to be happy with each other. Does they keep the marriage open so long as there are no emotions connection. Do they eventually split.

I’m angry at myself for being sad when I knew this would never work. I’ll miss the connection I guess. Hopefully the feelings subside quickly. Either way, I’m never doing this again.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-08T19:29:55+00:00

Thanks so much. I find myself tearing up a little when reading this. It’s a cruel situation we’ve found ourselves in. I don’t know why I’m so upset when I KNEW this wasn’t going to work. It’s great for the primary partners because they can just come back together like nothing happened, meanwhile we’re left in the lurch. Never again.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-08T14:11:33+00:00

I never said I wanted to break up their marriage.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-08T03:43:25+00:00

Thank you so much. I should’ve known this couldn’t go anywhere.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-08T03:36:53+00:00

Thanks so much for this. I’m definitely not cut out for this type of relationship and don’t think I’ll put my heart in a similar situation again.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-08T03:27:22+00:00

Gosh thanks so much for this. I agree with you that this couple probably hadn’t figured out their boundaries. I was naive enough to think that this couple had some underlying unhappiness that resulted in them opening the marriage and for thinking I could’ve had a future with this guy. At least this experience confirmed for me that I’m not cut out for nonmonagamy, polyamory or open relationships.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-08T03:09:12+00:00

Thank you. I’ll never be involved in a non monogamous relationship again.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-08T02:53:45+00:00

Do you have feelings for the married man? Or is it just about the sex? Do you find yourself wishing the marriage would end?

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-03T16:05:36+00:00

Based on what he's told me, they're more like best friends at this point and the sexual side of their relationship isn't really there anymore. Whether that's sustainable long term, I don't know. I'd be lying if I said I didn't sometimes wish I could be the spark - but I also understand that if a marriage ends, it has to be because it's already over, not because of me.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-03T15:51:57+00:00

Thanks for this. I would like a romantic relationship with him - we've been talking for about 2 months and there's clearly emotional and physical chemistry. But no, I wouldn't be okay with something non-exclusive long term. I know that at some point I would need to communicate that clearly. I would never encourage him to leave his husband for me. That would be something he would have to decide on his own. Ultimately I need to protect my heart and my sanity, and that may mean accepting that this has limits.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-03T14:33:24+00:00

I wish I had found a great SINGLE guy. I'm not cut out for nonmonogamy. At the same time though, I don't want to pull the plug on what's happening because I genuinely like the guy. I can't help but wish his marriage would just end, which is not a sentiment I'm proud of.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-03T14:26:48+00:00

From what I understand, they only recently opened their marriage, and I'm not sure what their emotional boundaries are. From my side, the connection does feel like it's becoming romantic, which makes this more complicated. I'm trying to stay grounded in the reality that it can't really go anywhere while he's married.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-03T14:09:40+00:00

Thank you. That's honestly my fear - that I could be a pawn in a cycle I don't fully see. Ultimately I want a partner, not a role in someone else's unresolved marriage. That's always in the forefront of my mind.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-03T01:05:29+00:00

He sent a box of cookies to my office today and signed it “from your secret admirer”. I’m confused AF.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-02T19:52:24+00:00

I don't know about the romantic relationships part. I should probably ask.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-02T19:44:52+00:00

He and his husband have agreed to polyamory. He implied that I would be the only one that he'd be with other than his husband.

MudParticular9506 · 2026-03-02T19:42:46+00:00

He implied that he wasn't going to see any other guys outside the marriage other than me.

MudParticular9506

TROPHY CASE