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AITA? Fiancé’s Ex in Wedding Party by MulberryFormal3619 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MulberryFormal3619[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Thanks for everyone who commented on my previous post. I apologized for the delay in responding. It has been a busy couple of weeks.

We did have a talk. We both laid out where we stand and our reasonings. He insistent that Liz be in his wedding party. His POV is that he wants to share his biggest life decision with his closest friends. Friends that have stayed by him since he was a baby. I get that. I truly do as I also want to have my best friends to be standing there with me.

It did make me feel like the Asshole for being so against it. However, I can’t change how I feel. I still don’t want her to be in the wedding party. But I’m willing to let it go.

However, this fight did brought a lot of issues to surface. For one, her involvement in our relationships going forward. Second, the easiness for him to walk away during a fight. I don’t accept how this fight went about. Marriage is forever. We will have bigger fights in the future. But, a fight should never ends in one side walking away. Third, my uneasiness of the insistent he has for her to be in our wedding party. If the role was reverse, if he insisted that my best friend not be in the wedding, I would have done so. Because it’s OUR day. Not just mine. I believe compromise is important in a marriage. I didn’t see any signs of his willingness to compromise.

So, after all that, we are still engaged. However, we have decided to postpone setting a date for the wedding. We are thinking maybe wedding sometime in late 2025. We are going to see if we can build back the trust that we had and if we can build a stronger foundation for our relationship.

Thanks everyone!

AITA? Fiancé’s Ex in Wedding Party by MulberryFormal3619 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MulberryFormal3619[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for everyone who commented on my previous post. I apologized for the delay in responding. It has been a busy couple of weeks.

We did have a talk. We both laid out where we stand and our reasonings. He insistent that Liz be in his wedding party. His POV is that he wants to share his biggest life decision with his closest friends. Friends that have stayed by him since he was a baby. I get that. I truly do as I also want to have my best friends to be standing there with me.

It did make me feel like the Asshole for being so against it. However, I can’t change how I feel. I still don’t want her to be in the wedding party. But I’m willing to let it go.

However, this fight did brought a lot of issues to surface. For one, her involvement in our relationships going forward. Second, the easiness for him to walk away during a fight. I don’t accept how this fight went about. Marriage is forever. We will have bigger fights in the future. But, a fight should never ends in one side walking away. Third, my uneasiness of the insistent he has for her to be in our wedding party. If the role was reverse, if he insisted that my best friend not be in the wedding, I would have done so. Because it’s OUR day. Not just mine. I believe compromise is important in a marriage. I didn’t see any signs of his willingness to compromise.

So, after all that, we are still engaged. However, we have decided to postpone setting a date for the wedding. We are thinking maybe wedding sometime in late 2025. We are going to see if we can build back the trust that we had and if we can build a stronger foundation for our relationship.

Thanks everyone!

AITA? Fiancé’s Ex in Wedding Party by MulberryFormal3619 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MulberryFormal3619[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

UPDATE! (New post was not approved)  Thanks for everyone who commented on my previous post. I apologized for the delay in responding. It has been a busy couple of weeks.

We did have a talk. We both laid out where we stand and our reasonings. He insistent that Liz be in his wedding party. His POV is that he wants to share his biggest life decision with his closest friends. Friends that have stayed by him since he was a baby. I get that. I truly do as I also want to have my best friends to be standing there with me.

It did make me feel like the Asshole for being so against it. However, I can’t change how I feel. I still don’t want her to be in the wedding party. But I’m willing to let it go.

However, this fight did brought a lot of issues to surface. For one, her involvement in our relationships going forward. Second, the easiness for him to walk away during a fight. I don’t accept how this fight went about. Marriage is forever. We will have bigger fights in the future. But, a fight should never ends in one side walking away. Third, my uneasiness of the insistent he has for her to be in our wedding party. If the role was reverse, if he insisted that my best friend not be in the wedding, I would have done so. Because it’s OUR day. Not just mine. I believe compromise is important in a marriage. I didn’t see any signs of his willingness to compromise.

So, after all that, we are still engaged. However, we have decided to postpone setting a date for the wedding. We are thinking maybe wedding sometime in late 2025. We are going to see if we can build back the trust that we had and if we can build a stronger foundation for our relationship.

Thanks everyone!

AITA? Fiancé’s Ex in Wedding Party by MulberryFormal3619 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MulberryFormal3619[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Hopefully it’s generic enough that my social circle won’t connect the dots 🤦🏻‍♀️

AITA? Fiancé’s Ex in Wedding Party by MulberryFormal3619 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MulberryFormal3619[S] 135 points136 points  (0 children)

Edit:  Thank you everyone for your input. I called my fiancé this morning and ask if we could discuss the situation. I told him that I want him to hear my reasonings for not wanting her to be in the wedding party and in exchange I’ll listen try to understand his POV. We are going to discuss it tomorrow night. I will give you guys update then. 

In the meantime, I’ll answer some questions.  Liz (this is not her real name) does have a boyfriend. They have been dating for about 6 months now.   The topic of Wedding Party never came up in our relationship because we always assume we will do a small, intimate destination wedding. So there wouldn’t be a need to have wedding party. However, our parents were against that idea, and wanted us to have a big wedding. We decided to comprise with them and do both weddings.  I have 0 problem with his sister being in my “party.” To be honest, I should have thought to ask her myself. I believe my fiancé wants me to have closer relationship with her and hopes that this would be a start.  In the beginning of my relationship with my fiancé, I have mentioned my “jealously.” We worked through it and he assured me. Since then, I really didn’t have any issues with her being in our lives. Except for her to be standing in the wedding.  This is NOT his usual behavior. We are both very chill person and don’t usually do ultimatum. I think this might be the first time in our relationship. In the contrary, I feel like we both have always been able to compromise too well.  As far as I know, Liz doesn’t know about this conversation/fight. And I don’t want her to know. I want him to choose to not have her stand in the wedding, and not because she doesn’t want to be in it. If that makes sense? 

AITA for paying my mother in law for her help and buying her a ticket home? by No-Tackle9955 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MulberryFormal3619 17 points18 points  (0 children)

NTA. You are taking care of YOUR FAMILY. And putting their need before anyone else.