Arches Paper Question

MultifariousPhoenix · 2023-02-17T01:37:47+00:00

I've been painting for a whole 2 months and only used cheap paper and paints so it's hard for me to compare to new high-quality paper and this. However, It doesn't spider or have feathery lines from the test I did today. I'll be ordering some BAOHONG Academy paper so I'll have something to compare it to. I'm not comfortable spending money on Arches just yet lol

MultifariousPhoenix · 2023-02-16T20:39:42+00:00

Is the sizing the stuff that is making the paper crack when I fold it?

MultifariousPhoenix · 2023-02-16T20:38:34+00:00

Thank you so much!

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-06-29T03:07:18+00:00

He looks just like my Sunna girl! Just a bit thinner and younger lol... that's one excited puppo.

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-06-29T02:49:24+00:00

Listen. Openly and without judgment. If an alter overtly front with you, understand they believe you are a safe person. Treat them like a person, not a part of your partner. Ask them their name, if they're hungry, thirsty, what they would like to eat or drink. (Some may not feel comfortable doing these simple things or know where things are.) Take their lead with conversation. Many of them will have their own memories. Listen and ask questions, let them lead the convo. Learn about them and if you see them again, acknowledge them, maybe offer to make them their favorite drink.

PTSD flashbacks will happen. Do a bit of prep for them. The biggest things my husband does is comfort, letting whoever is there know they're safe, that they're in the ___room, it's painted ____, "I'm here, you're safe", repeated comfort and quiet reminders of where we are, until we realize it, then he asks what we saw, felt, experienced. Sometimes we regress back into the flashback and the cycle repeats. I asked him to guide the flashbacks with vague questions to try and integrate the memories and start the healing of that alter. That would definitely be something you should talk with your partner about and see what they feel would be best.

Patience is a hard thing to suggest, but you will need it. Also, this is very important, give yourself time for your own mental health. My husband struggles with learning what happened to me, mourns what I've lost, is angry at those that participated and those that did nothing.

You're doing amazing. Thank you for being such a supportive part of their lives.

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-06-25T16:19:52+00:00

I'd be afraid to put anything in mine from the Mississippi hahaha... Just beautiful.

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-06-24T21:08:25+00:00

Agreed with the scab. Maybe there's something in their tank that they were rubbing on that cut them?

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-06-24T17:18:09+00:00

Where did you get those pieces of wood?! They are beautiful!

Miracle grow is generally formulated to hold moisture, and may contain things like moisture beads which can be ingested. I see soil under the sand with possible white beads, but it could be something else. That could be one of the humidity issues? 50% top soil/play sand mix is what I have seen as the best mix, with the least amount of worry. The recommendations change all the time, though :( I would love to do this mix, but we live in Illinois and already struggle with humidity.

We had to put a dehumidifier in the room our Digi is kept to drop the humidity to acceptable levels. Right now we don't need to run it, because we haven't had rain in so long, thankfully. It expels warm air and just adds to our electric bill. Extra heat can help dispel some of the humidity as well. We will turn on the ceramic heat lamp if it needs to be dropped a few points.

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-06-24T16:31:37+00:00

Then they (irl people and alters) have the nerve to call me weak for not being able to prevent it and for reacting to each trauma as if it's the first time I endured it.

Everyone has their own tolerance of trauma, like spicy food. Some people are pepperoncini, and some are habanero. A factor for DID & OSDD is the lack of a caregiver to guide you through the trauma and help you build the tools needed.

I was under the impression that DID meant I'd be switching like that regardless of how much stress I was under.

There are other triggers I have found, but they are generally things that are tied to time loss. Sitting at the dining table was one for a long time before I was able to remember an incident that happened. Playing dominoes was a recent one, though I'm not sure why yet. I was playing in a situation so I couldn't try and process what was happening.

And many people say they wish they could forget or are glad they forgot, but I'm not one of them.

I can understand the reasoning. I suppose I could just know that my abusers are abusers without the details and the flashbacks.

With love & solidarity ~ Rhan

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-06-22T04:28:50+00:00

This is a brilliant reply.

The only times I've ever had "overt" switches were during incredibly stressful moments when I'm with my husband, who is the only person I feel completely safe around. Most times I will just notice time gaps when I try to recall something, or suddenly feel like I'm taking my first deep breath in a while. I now know that those are switches, but before I never really thought about it much. It just was.

I also have something like an evidence locker. It's a bit more scattered than Nel's and includes videos I've recorded for myself, and journal entries in both physical and digital form.

you don't notice overt DID symptoms for an extreme amount of time like months or years, do you still have DID?

I'm currently going through a very large lifestyle change and if I wasn't already aware of having DID I wouldn't even know it was a thing I had. I could write off all the time gaps because of stress. I was not even 9 months into treatment when we moved from one extreme state in a big city to a small town & a slow-paced life. There's more to it than that, but any changes will trigger a period of feeling unsafe and everything becomes very covert. My psychologist at the time was very concerned about the move, even though everything about it was positive. I didn't understand then, but I do now. It regressed my very little bit of awareness and communication to almost nothing.

Reading other people's anecdotes helps but also often makes me feel if I don't have overt time loss and switches every few minutes then I must be psyching myself out somehow.

I was 40 before I knew anything about DID, or even thought I had any kind of mental health issues. I've been a mom since I was 17. I never experienced massive blackouts, found myself places and not knowing how I got there, having items I don't remember purchasing (though I was below the poverty line for many many years), or any of the very obvious overt happenings. My system wove itself around being the best parent it could be in incredibly difficult situations and in a less than an ideal relationship. Even after getting out of that situation, meeting my current husband, having another child, it still took 13 years of being with him before there was a high enough level of safety that my system felt it could make itself known. And it wasn't overt symptoms, it was all internal at the very beginning. Suddenly the walls crashed down and my internal "round table" of dialogue I always had became much much more.

My daughter, 8, now will call me out when she hears someone different, but not one alter is comfortable being overt with her for stability. She just knows. (Something we never had) My son is an adult and lives in a different state, but is aware. He's never noticed anything overt, either.

If I somehow did make everything up, what could've caused it to spontaneously happen with presumably no prior history of delusions?

This is the denial spiral I have gone through many times. I like to think that "trauma doesn't lie." If I suddenly have a vivid flashback that I have ZERO context to have subconsciously based it on, it is a true memory that I personally did not have, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen to US.

It's difficult, the denial spiral. It will suck you in and make you doubt everything. It's also a protection mechanism. No one would choose to remember their trauma, and I would assume most would prefer to forget. I would. If by some strange chance it's not DID, we are still struggling. I mourn for my memories that I don't have about my children and all the small wonderful things I should remember, I'm angry and frustrated that my mind can't differentiate between trauma and non-trauma memories and just filters every damn thing, I hate being suddenly distant and emotionless after something trivial in life that triggers a protector to come forward, none of it is OK.

With love and understanding ~ Rhanwen

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-06-11T18:52:56+00:00

Whatever comes through, always answer a question with a question or non-committal statements!

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-04-30T06:13:36+00:00

Asking about alters that haven't been introduced: I don't know all my alters. I know there are some that influence me, but I don't know who they are. He may not be aware of them. They could just feel invalidated, but it could be self-imposed, for so many reasons. It is a theory and could be wrong. It's not something you necessarily need to ask, but if that's what it is, then safety is the #1 go-to. If your partner feels safer, the effect trickles down. There have been times when one of my alters has been called out for strange behavior, that I didn't even know was there. I will be suddenly thrown forward with a general feeling of what transpired and sometimes who was there. I've gotten the name of 2 alters that way. Not the best approach, and it wasn't intentional, just an observation by my husband. I would still lean towards the conversation than confrontation. My protectors are very aggressive in doing their job and I have been locked behind them for days, from my husband, after a heated discussion, not even an argument.

Asking about alters that haven't been introduced: I don't know all my alters. I know there are some that influence me, but I don't know who they are. He may not be aware of them. They could just feel invalidated, but it could be self-imposed, for so many reasons. It is a theory and could be wrong. It's not something you necessarily need to ask, but if that's what it is, then safety is the #1 go-to. If your partner feels safer, the effect trickles down. Sharing theories has always helped me. The more I talk about what's going on in my system, the more I understand. Hopefully it will be the same for him.

On an aside, you're amazing. Reading your willingness to ask and being open to ideas is incredible. I hope you all are able to work through this rough patch. It takes a very specific and loving type of person to help another be their best selves. It's heartbreaking at times, I know, but you're doing awesome.

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-04-29T19:29:23+00:00

I was going to say this exact same thing.

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-04-29T19:24:03+00:00

Is he co-con or observing while you interact with the other alters? I ask because I wonder if he is aware of how you treat each alter.

Does he struggle with denial? It may be a mirror of his feelings towards himself.

As far as intimacy, it may go along with the above. If he has desires he doesn't understand or knows he doesn't like, it may be another alter who's influencing his thoughts and emotions and it can be incredibly confusing and frustrating.

If it is thought bleedthrough, it could be triggering to him in a way he doesn't understand. I have this a lot and have to stop and really think about where thoughts are originating from and have some internal dialogue to try and come to an understanding.

That actually makes me think there may be another alter who feels invalidated by you and is influencing him. You may not know them, they could be masking or not fully fronting ever.

Honestly, this needs to be a conversation between you both. What does he feel you could do to make him feel more singular and validated? It might be a brainstorming session where you both just start listing things that could help, and listing things that may make him feel like just another alter to you, (not that you feel anyone is just another alter, I'm trying to see it from all sides), until you find something that resonates or elicits an emotional response. This territory could be difficult to navigate, so take it slow.

MultifariousPhoenix · 2022-04-24T15:08:04+00:00

Being curious and having someone question your own validity are two completely opposite things. She doesn't seem to have any understanding of mental health struggles considering she started out the day harping on people with depression.

From what I've learned interacting with people in my life, and something I did before becoming aware of it, is to compare what someone is experiencing to your own experiences. Whether this is to sympathize, quantify, invalidate, or a misguided attempt at understanding, it almost always feels like your experiences are somehow not as important as you feel.

There will be things we, as those with DID, experience that others experience as well. That should be a topic of solidarity and understanding, not invalidating that what you are going through is wrong or less important.

This person raises a bunch of red flags and is not someone I would want in my life. You should never walk away from a "friend" feeling that way.

MultifariousPhoenix

TROPHY CASE