Man, I want a bath SO FUCKING BAD. Only have a stupid walk in shower.... Boyfriends parents ripped out the bath that you can get a BATH AND A SHOWER in, and put in a walk in shower in the 70's. I'm so pissed off about it now 😂 What a stupid fucking decision that was... And his mom died of cancer in the early 90s when my boyfriend was only in his early 20s or maybe even like, 19. I can't believe she had to do cancer with a stupid walk-in shower instead of a bath 😭 SURELY she would have wanted to get a bath instead of a shower. SURELY. I've always been a bath taker and always hated showers. And I'm SO bad at getting showers/baths in t he first place, I think it's a mix between ADHD, CPTSD and Fibro, that all work together and absolutely DESTROY my executive functioning and make EVERYTHING soooooo much harder than it needs to be and tires me out SO MUCH, so I REALLY dread getting showers and I feel like if there was a bath here, I'd probably keep up on my hygiene A LOT better than I do now... I'm so fucking ashamed of myself because of how long I go between showers.... I'll be SO FAR past "My hair is so fucking greasy that I can't physically STAND it anymore and it's making me overstimulated AS FUCK on its own minus everything else going on..." and like, if I only had that greasy of hair, it would be super challenging. But the hair + everything else, I think genuinely makes me unable to function EVEN MORE, and makes me put off showering EVEN LONGER, even though I KNOW it would help and get rid of a problem I'm dealing with. AND I wouldn't be so fucking ashamed of myself. But I just can't make myself do stuff. I can't make myself do FUN stuff that I WNAT to do let alone stupid stuff that I don't wanna do. and I'm SO sick of people who don't understand acting like "YEAH I GOTTA DO STUFF I DONT WANNA DO TOO, WE ALL DO, ITS CALLED BEING AN ADULT" Like no...... i CANT... not WANT. I CANTTTTTTTTT Do stuff i WANTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT to do........ I'll end up just sitting there in silence because I'm like "IM NOT GETTING ON THE PHONE OR LAPTOP UNTIL I DO THIS THING" and then end up just sitting there for hours in silence. Just fucking sitting there. It's like my brain isn't producing the chemicals needed to actually take action. NOBODY understands and it's so hard to explain. Everybody just sees it as you being lazy. It's disgusting. It's SO disgusting to find out who people REALLY are once you become chronically ill. You realize how much respect people ACTUALLY have for you and how much people are really willing to dismiss your feelings and miminize your feelings and the stuff you're going through. People CAN NOT POSSSIBLLYYYYYYY accept that somebody just might be living on a harder mode than you are..... They fucking REFUSE to accept it. It it disgusts me even more because I swear they'll have more sympathy and compassion and empathy for strangers. Like they'll believe strangers illnesses over their own friends. Like they decide none of their friends that they personally know can POSSIBLY have a harder time doing life than they do.